Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, April 16 Tomorrow is Easter ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award 2 fentanyl suppliers arrested in northern Arizona ___________________________________________________ On April 16 in 1982, Queen Elizabeth proclaimed Canada's new constitution in effect. The act severed the last colonial links with Britain. __________________________________________________ Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man. --- Leon Trotsky (1879 - 1940) Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. --- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914) ____________________________________________________ Jeff's mother-in-law uses curlers in her hair after she washes it. She came into the Family Room as he was watching TV. It seems hestared at her funny because she said, "I just set my hair." While we remember the ruckus that followed, the last thing he remembers is saying: "Oh, really? At what time is it set go off?" ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ A veterinarian surgeon had had very trying day, but when he got home from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner, after which they went happily to bed. At about 2:00 in the morning, the phone rang. "Is this the vet?" asked an elderly lady's voice. "Yes, it is", replied the vet, "Is this an emergency?" "Well, sort of", said the elderly lady, "there's a whole bunch of cats on the roof outside making a terrible noise mating and I can't get to sleep. What can I do about it?" There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then patiently replied "Open the window and tell them they're wanted on the phone" "Really?" said the elderly lady, "Will that will that stop them?" "It should," said the vet, "- IT STOPPED ME!" ____________________________________________________ Easter Flowers ___________________________________________________ The Los Alamitos, California, police log reports that a caller called police to report hearing a man screaming, "I am going to kill you!" which turned out to be the man "addressing his computer." No charges were filed, of course, as the actions were deemed to likely be appropriate. ____________________________________________________ In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous...or what?" "Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them." ___________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Becky Comstock, 39, Chino Valley, Robert Haines, 67, Prescott, Arizona, USA 2 fentanyl suppliers arrested in northern Arizona Authorities in northern Arizona arrested two alleged fentanyl suppliers from Chino Valley and Prescott earlier this week. The Yavapai County Sheriff's Office, in collaboration with Partners Against Narcotics Trafficking (PANT), said they received tips on April 11 and 12 about the suspected drug dealers. Chino Valley resident Becky Comstock, 39, was pulled over by Yavapai County deputies near Dewey on Monday. A search of her car revealed 200 fentanyl pills, 2 grams of methamphetamine and 1 gram of heroin, officials said. The next day, Prescott police pulled over 67-year-old Robert Haines and reportedly found 3000 fentanyl pills in his car. Yavapai County officials say that over 100,000 fentanyl pills, 1 pound of cocaine and 12 pounds of methamphetamine have already been found in cars traveling through the region during the month of April. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Walt Re: Lost laptop curser Dear Webby About once a day my W10 laptop loses it's curser. Then I have to reboot to get it back. My W7 machine never loses the curser. How do I get it back without rebooting? Walt Dear Walt Ht F5. That usually restores it. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Gina was trying to get her eigth-grade history class to understand how the Indians must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers. "How would you feel," she asked, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke in a strange way that you don't understand, and wore weird and unusual clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?" "Nah," one girl answered, "That pretty well describes Bozo, my sister's boyfriend, and I've beaten him up before." ______________________________________________ On her way back from the concession stand, Sally asked a man at the end of the row of seats, "Pardon me, but did I step on your foot before?" Expecting an apology, the man said, "Indeed you did." Sally nodded, "Oh good. Then this is my row." ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
On an airplane, I overheard a stewardess talking to an elderly couple in front of me. Learning that it was the couple's 50th wedding anniversary, the flight attendant congratulated them and asked how they had done it. "It all felt like five minutes..." the gentleman said slowly. The stewardess had just begun to remark on what a sweet statement that was when he finished his sentence with a word that earned him a sharp smack on the head: "..underwater." ___________________________________________________ | Today, April 16, in 0069, Otho committed suicide after being defeated by Vitellius' troops at Bedriacum. 1065, Norman Robert Guiscard took Bari. Five centuries of Byzantine rule in southern Italy ended. 1175, Frederick I, Holy Roman Emperor, signed the Treaty of Montebello with the Lombard League. 1705, Queen Anne of England knighted Isaac Newton. 1746, The Duke of Cumberland defeated Bonnie Prince Charlie (and his Jacobites) at the battle of Culloden. 1818, The U.S. Senate ratified Rush-Bagot amendment to form an unarmed U.S.-Canada border. 1851, A lighthouse was swept away in a gale at Minots Ledge, MA. 1854, San Salvador was destroyed by an earthquake. 1862, Confederate President Jefferson Davis approved conscription act for white males between 18 and 35. 1862, In the U.S., slavery was abolished by law in the District of Columbia. 1883, Paul Kruger became president of the South African Republic. 1900, The first book of postage stamps was issued. The two- cent stamps were available in books of 12, 24 and 48 stamps. 1905, Andrew Carnegie donated $10,000,000 of personal money to set up the Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement of Teaching. 1912, Harriet Quimby became the first woman to fly across the English Channel. 1917, Vladimir Ilyich Lenin returned to Russia to start Bolshevik Revolution after years of exile. 1922, Annie Oakley shot 100 clay targets in a row, to set a women's record. 1922, The Soviet Union and Germany signed the Treaty of Rapallo under which Germany recognized the Soviet Union and diplomatic and trade relations were restored. 1935, "Fibber McGee and Molly" premiered. 1942, The Island of Malta was awarded the George Cross in recognition for heroism under constant German air attack. 1943, In Basel, Switzerland, chemist Albert Hoffman accidently discovered the the hallucinogenic effects of LSD-25 while working on the medicinal value of lysergic acid. 1944, The destroyer USS Laffey survived immense damage from attacks by 22 Japanese aircraft off Okinawa. 1945, American troops entered Nuremberg, Germany. 1947, The Zoomar lens, invented by Dr. Frank Back, was demonstrated in New York City. It was the first lens to exhibit zooming effects. 1947, In Texas City, TX, the French ship Grandcamp, carrying ammonium nitrate fertilizer, caught fire and blew up. The explosions and resulting fires killed 576 people. 1948, In Paris, the Organization for European Economic Co- operation was set up. 1951, 75 people were killed when the British submarine Affray sank in the English Channel. 1953, The British royal yacht Britannia was launched. 1967, At the Western Open in El Monte, CA, Ken Barnes Jr. became the first skeet shooter to break a perfect 400 x 400 in all four guns (.410, 28, 20, and 12 gauges). He is also the only shooter to do this with pump action guns. 1968, The Pentagon announced that troops would begin coming home from Vietnam. 1968, Major league baseball's longest night game was played when the Houston Astros defeated the New York Mets 1-0. The 24 innings took six hours, six minutes to play. 1972, Apollo 16 blasted off on a voyage to the moon. It was the fifth manned moon landing. 1972, Two giants pandas arrived in the U.S. from China. 1975, The Khmer Rouge Rebels won control of Cambodia after five years of civil war. They renamed the country Kampuchea and began a reign of terror. 1978, In Orissa, India, 180 people died when a tornado hit. 1982, Queen Elizabeth proclaimed Canada's new constitution in effect. The act severed the last colonial links with Britain. 1983, China shelled the Vietnam border in retaliation for raids. 1983, Brazil detained four Libyan planes en route to Nicaragua after finding weapons, explosives and ammunition on the planes. 1987, The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) sternly warned U.S. radio stations to watch the use of indecent language on the airwaves. 1987, The U.S. Patent Office began allowing the patenting of new animals created by genetic engineering. 1992, Italian financier Carlo de Benedetti and 32 others were convicted of fraud in connection with the 1982 collapse of Banco Ambrosiano. 1992, The House ethics committee listed 303 current and former lawmakers who had overdrawn their House bank accounts. 1995, The European Union and Canada agreed to protect threatened fish stocks in the north Atlantic. 1996, Britain's Prince Andrew and his wife, Sarah, the Duchess of York, announced that they were in the process of getting a divorce. 1996, An Italian court found former Prime Minister Bettino Craxi guilty on charges of corruption. He was sentenced to eight years and three months in prison. 1999, Wayne Gretzky announced his retirement from the National Hockey League (NHL). 2002, The U.S. Supreme Court overturned major parts of a 1996 child pornography law based on rights to free speech. 2007, In Blacksburg, VA, a student killed 33 people at Virginia Tech before killing himself. 2022 Do smiled. |
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