Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, October 16 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award: 'Breaking Bad'-style mobile meth lab owner arrested in Phoenix ___________________________________________________ Today, October 16 in 1989 U.S. President George H.W. Bush signed the Gramm-Rudman budget reduction law that ordered federal programs be cut by $16.1 billion. ____________________________________________________ It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all. --- Samuel Butler (1835 - 1902) Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night." --- Charles M. Schulz (1922 - 2000) The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. --- George Bernard Shaw The heights by great men reached and kept were not attained by sudden flight, but they while their companions slept, were toiling upward in the night. --- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow ____________________________________________________ Just before our first long deployment, two Navy buddies and I were talking about the stress of leaving our families. A senior officer, a veteran of many deployments, overheard our conversation and offered the following advice: "You must be sensitive to your wives' emotional needs," he said. "Never, ever, whistle while you pack!" ____________________________________________________ An older gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. He approached the receptionist desk. The receptionist was a large imposing woman who looked like a wrestler. He gave her his name. In a VERY LOUD VOICE the receptionist said, "YES, I SEE YOUR NAME HERE... YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?" All of the patients in the waiting room snapped their head around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replied, "NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION.... AND I'D LIKE A DIFFERENT DOCTOR. NOT THE ONE THAT DID YOURS!" ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ A clerk in a bakery notices a customer carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. "What would you like?" the clerk asks. "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish," the customer says. With a sigh he adds, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin." ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jan Vose, 38, Phoenix, Arizona, USA 'Breaking Bad'-style mobile meth lab owner arrested in Phoenix Police say the owner of "Breaking Bad"-style mobile methamphetamine lab in Phoenix was arrested. According to Phoenix Police, the incident began when a man attempted to steal chemical solvents and a painter's mask from a home improvement store near 43rd Avenue and Camelback Road on Oct. 7. Those items were typically used to make meth, officials said. When employees at the home improvement store called police, authorities found pills in his possession and discovered that he had a warrant for his arrest. Police searched his RV in the parking lot and found fentanyl and the makings of a mobile lab. He reportedly told police he had been living in the RV for three months and is otherwise homeless. The suspect, identified as 38-year-old Jan Vose, was booked into jail and is accused of drug and organized retail theft charges. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Allen Re: Lost printer Dear Webby, I had 4 techs from Adobe mess with my computers trying to get their programs to work with their wacky Anti-W7 blocking. Ater a bit over 4 hours, They did succeed. I think. But then my printer did not work anymore. Now what? Allen Dear Allen I have no idea what they did. About all you can do is set up a new printer. Yes, I know, Windows acts rather retarded when you try to delete printers, but luckily you don't have to. ust go into Control panel, and ADD a printer. Make sure you select USB port, and NOT LPT1. After that you can print again. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, "You know, 80 percent of all men think the best way to end an argument is to make love." "Well," said the other, "that would certainly revolutionize hockey!" ______________________________________________ "That new girl in the typing pool is driving me crazy!" bemoaned Rich to Ernie. "That girl is a real mirage." "Aren't you using the wrong word?" asked Ernie. "A mirage is something you can see but that isn't quite all there." "Yeah," came the reply "That describes her exactly!" ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
The newly wed seniors were having sexual problems. The counselor thought it might be due to the fact that the woman was taller. He suggested special shoes with build-up heels to help the man's ego. The next month, he asked if things had improved in their love life with the shoes. "Well yes..." the woman replied, "but there must be a better way. Those shoes get the sheets so dirty." ___________________________________________________ | Today, October 16, in 1701 The Collegiate School was founded in Killingworth, CT. The school moved to New Haven in 1745 and changed its name to Yale College. 1793 During the French Revolution, Queen Marie Antoinette was beheaded after being convicted of treason. 1829 In Boston, MA, the first modern hotel in America opened. The Tremont Hotel had 170 rooms that rented for $2 a day and included four meals. 1859 Abolitionist John Brown led a raid on Harper's Ferry, VA (now located in West Virginia). 1869 A hotel in Boston became the first in the U.S. to install indoor plumbing. 1916 Margaret Sanger opened the first birth control clinic in New York City, NY. 1923 Walt Disney contracted with M.J. Winkler to distribute the Alice Comedies. This event is recognized as the start of the Disney Company. 1928 Marvin Pipkin received a patent for the frosted electric light bulb. 1941 The Nazis advanced to within 60 miles of Moscow. Romanians entered Odessa, USSR, and began exterminating 150,000 Jews. 1943 Chicago's new subway system was officially opened with a ribbon cutting ceremony. 1955 Mrs. Jules Lederer replaced Ruth Crowley in newspapers using the name Ann Landers. 1962 U.S. President Kennedy was informed that there were missile bases in Cuba, beginning the Cuban missile crisis. 1964 China detonated its first atomic bomb becoming the world's fifth nuclear power. 1967 NATO headquarters opened in Brussels. 1970 Anwar Sadat was elected president of Egypt to succeed Gamal Abdel Nassar. 1973 Henry Kissinger and Le Duc Tho were named winners of the Nobel Peace Prize. The Vietnamese official declined the award. 1978 Poland's Karol Josef Wojtyla was elected Pope John Paul II. 1982 China announced that it had successfully fired a ballistic missile from a submarine. 1987 Rescuers freed Jessica McClure from the abandoned well that she had fallen into in Midland, TX. She was trapped for 58 hours. 1989 U.S. President George H.W. Bush signed the Gramm-Rudman budget reduction law that ordered federal programs be cut by $16.1 billion. 1990 Comedian Steve Martin and his wife Victoria Tennant visited U.S. soldiers in Saudi Arabia. 1993 The U.N. Security Council approved the deployment of U.S. warships to enforce a blockade on Haiti to increase pressure on the controlling military leaders. 1994 German Chancellor Helmut Kohl was re-elected to a fourth term. 1995 The "Million Man March" took place in Washington, DC. 1997 Charles M. Schulz and his wife Jeannie announced that they would give $1 million toward the construction of a D-Day memorial to be placed in Virginia. 2000 It was announced that Chevron Corp. would be buying Texaco Inc. for $35 billion. The combined company was called Chevron Texaco Corp. and became the 4th largest oil company in the world. 2002 It was reported that North Korea had told the U.S. that it had a secret nuclear weapons program in violation of an 1994 agreement with the U.S. 2002 The Arthur Andersen accounting firm was sentenced to five years probation and fined $500,000 for obstructing a federeal investigation of the energy company Enron. 2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 200 billion television episodes sold. 2021 Do smiled. |
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