Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, February 25 Today's Bonehead Award: Police Cage Prowler Wearing Gorilla Suit ______________________________________________________ Today, February 25 in 1836 Samuel Colt received U.S. Patent No. 138 (later 9430X) for a "revolving-cylinder pistol." It was his first patent. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be. --- Paul Valery (1871 - 1945) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Bob was having marital problems. So he went to his psychiatrist for a little help. The shrink says "when you get home, throw down your briefcase, run to her, embrace her, take off her clothes, and yours, and make mad passionate love to her." In two weeks Bob was back in the shrink's office. The shrink asked "How did it go?" Bob said, "She hasn't talked to me since, but her bridge club got quite a kick out of it." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, crying. She asked him, "What's wrong with you?" He replied, "Remember when your father caught us together, when you were 16? Remember he said that I had a choice, I could either marry you, or be sent away to prison for the next 20 years." Baffled, she said, "Yes." The husband bawled, "I would have been released from prison today." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jeremie Joseph Moran, 34, Vinton, Louisiana Police Cage Prowler Wearing Gorilla Suit A man wearing a gorilla costume last week broke into a Louisiana residence, according to cops who fought with the suspect after finding him hiding under a mattress. Police in Sulphur, a city about 20 miles east of the Texas border, responded Wednesday evening to a call about a suspicious man--dressed in an all-black outfit--prowling around homes and peering into windows. When officers located the suspect--later identified as Jeremie Joseph Moran, 34--he fled into a nearby residence, ignoring police demands to stop. During a subsequent search of the home, cops found Moran (seen above) beneath a mattress. He was wearing a "black gorilla suit" at the time, investigators say. Moran tussled with cops trying to handcuff him, but he was eventually subdued and placed under arrest. He was charged with multiple offenses, including unauthorized entry of an inhabited dwelling, methamphetamine possession, resisting a police officer with violence or force, and wearing a mask or hood in public. Moran, who lives in the neighboring city of Vinton, remains caged on the felony and misdemeanor counts at the Calcasieu Correctional Center. Asked about the defendant's gorilla outfit, a police spokesperson said that "the only reason" Moran would have opted for the costume "was the possibility of the drugs he was using." >From Ted Re: Mailer Daemon returns Dear DearWebby I have had a few mailer daemon returns like this one I just received. Sorry. Your message could not be delivered to: joshua croft,DCSD Mail (The name was not found at the remote site. Check that the name has been entered correctly.) The problem is I never sent a message to the delivery addresses on these Daemon returns. Could spyware be using my computer to send messages that I am unaware of. If so what can I do about it? Ted Dear Ted There is a lot of spam coming out of that server, so much in fact that the blacklists flag it as bad. Part of that is probably due to Yahoo addresses being available to spammers, who forge them as return addresses. When spam, that has your address forged as the return address, bounces back from a full or no longer working address, it of course bounces to you. Just make a filter with MailWasher to trash mail that has your return or sender address but not your machine ID. Have Fun! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace. "How many of you," he asked, "would say you're opposed to war?" Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked, "who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?" A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised his hand. "Johnny?" The teacher said. "I hate war," Johnny said, "because wars make history, and I hate history." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution: "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked someone from the back of the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. 'Hon,' I suggested, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" The voice from the back asked, "Did it save time?" The expert replied, "Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Removing a Bumper Sticker To remove a bumper sticker from a metal bumper, dampen the sticker with vinegar, lighter fluid, or nail polish remover and scrape the sticker off with a razor blade. Be sure to test your cleaning solution in an inconspicuous place before using it on a plastic bumper. Most bumper stickers can be peeled off easily, if heated with a hair dryer or heat gun. Have FUN DearWebby Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Artist Crochets Balaclavas, Then Turns Them Into Wild Masks With Yarn. Check out her Instagram page. |
___________________________________________________ It was a difficult subject to bring before his aged mother, but John felt that he must. "Mom, you are no longer a spring chicken and you do need to think ahead of what will happen in the future. Why don't we make arrangements about when..... you know... when.... God forbid... you pass on?" The mother didn't say anything, just sat there staring ahead. "I mean, Mom, like.... how do you want to finally go? Do you want to be buried? Cremated?" There was yet another long pause. Then the mother looked up and said, "Son, why don't you simply surprise me?" ___________________________________________________ The teen-aged beauty was telling a friend that she was really worried about her mother. It seems she's always fatigued from staying up all night long. Her friend asked, "What's she doing staying up all night? At her age, that's not good at all." The girl replied, "Waiting for me to come home." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement. Being a good foot taller than her, he tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades... SOMEBODY is going to get a spanking." ___________________________________________________ | Today February 25 in 1570 England's Queen Elizabeth I was excommunicated by Pope Pius V. 1751 Edward Willet displayed the first trained monkey act in the U.S. 1836 Samuel Colt received U.S. Patent No. 138 (later 9430X) for a "revolving-cylinder pistol." It was his first patent. 1901 The United States Steel Corp. was incorporated by J.P. Morgan. 1913 The 16th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. It authorized a graduated income tax. 1919 The state of Oregon became the first state to place a tax on gasoline. The tax was 1 cent per gallon. 1928 The Federal Radio Commission issued the first U.S. television license to Charles Jenkins Laboratories in Washington, DC. 1930 The bank check photographing device was patented. 1933 The aircraft carrier Ranger was launched. It was the first ship in the U.S. Navy to be designed and built from the keel up as an aircraft carrier. 1837 Thomas Davenport patented the first commercial electrical motor. There was no practical electical distribution system available and Davenport went bankrupt. 1940 The New York Rangers and the Montreal Canadiens played in the first hockey game to be televised in the U.S. The game was aired on W2WBS in New York with one camera in a fixed position. The Rangers beat the Canadiens 6-2. 1948 Communists seized power in Czechoslovakia. 1956 Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev criticized the late Josef Stalin in a speech before a Communist Party congress in Moscow. 1972 Germany gave a $5 million ransom to Arab terrorists who had hijacked a jumbo jet. 1986 Filippino President Ferdinand E. Marcos fled the Philippines after 20 years of rule after a tainted election. 1999 William King was sentenced to death for the racial murder of James Byrd Jr in Jasper, TX. Two other men charged were later convicted for their involvement. 1999 In Moscow, China's Prime Minister Zhu Rongji and Russia's President Boris Yeltsin discussed trade and other issues. 2005 Dennis Rader was arrested for the BTK serial killings in Wichita, KS. He later pleaded guilty and was sentenced to 10 life prison terms. 2019 Do smiled. |
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