Good Morning, Do, Today is Tuesday, November 7 Calgary was a waste of time, gasoline and parking fees. Because one of my meds is a lasix to get rid of water, they panicked and referred me to the big hospital. New consultation date. I told her that I can easily stop the lasix for a few days. Sure, that makes me gain a pound of weight per day, but since I lose a couple of pounds a day with their nuclear laxative, that is no big deal. However, she seemed to be allergic to logic. Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida woman arested for riding a horse while drunk Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, November 7 in 1917 Russia's Bolshevik Revolution took place. The provisional government of Alexander Kerensky was overthrown by forces led by Vladimir Ilyich Lenin. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees. --- David Letterman (1947 ) Liberals are very broadminded: they are always willing to give lots of careful consideration and deliberation to both sides of the their side about why you should pay for what they want. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An eighty-three year old woman finished her annual physical examination, whereupon her doctor said, "You are in fine shape for your age, but tell me, do you still have intercourse?" "Just a minute; I'll have to ask my husband," she said. She went out to the reception room and said, "Joe, do we still have intercourse?" Joe answered impatiently, "If I told you once, I told you a thousand times. We have Blue Cross." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ At a family get together, a young boy of about 8 years of age asked his father, "What does fornication mean?" His father was a little upset by the question and demanded to know, "Where did you hear a word like that?" "From Uncle Charlie," the little boy said. The father charged off to confront his brother. Charlie held his hands up and said, "Now, wait a minute! I don't know what that boy told you, but all I said was, 'For-an-occasion like this, you think they would chill the beer'." ______________________________________________________ Iceland _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ New Definitions to Learn BABY-SITTER: A teen-ager who must behave like an adult, so the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers. BUFFET: A French word that means "Get up and get it yourself." COLLEGE: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone. EGOCENTRIC - a person who believes that he is everything that you already know you are. EMERGENCY NUMBERS: Police station, fire department and places that deliver. FOREIGN FILM - any movie shown in Texas theater that isn't a western. MAGAZINE - bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue. OPERA: When a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of bleeding, he sings. OPTIMIST - girl who regards a bulge as a curve. PEOPLE -- some make things happen, some watch things happen, some wonder what happened. PIONEER -- early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods. SALESMAN - man with ability to convince his wife that she would look fat in mink. SELF-CONTROL -- the ability to eat only one peanut. SWIMMING POOL -- a mob of people with pissy water around it. TATTOO: Permanent proof of temporary insanity. TRAFFIC LIGHT -- apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kelsie Laine Marie Mast, 23, Donna Byrne, 53, Lakeland, Florida Florida woman arested for riding a horse while drunk Police in Florida said they found Donna Byrne, 53, riding her horse in the city of Lakeland on Thursday afternoon. She allegedly reeked of alcohol and had red, watery eyes, according to the Polk County Sheriff's office. When Byrne got off the saddle, she was found with a blood alcohol content nearly twice the legal limit, police said. 'Ms. Byrne was obviously not in any condition to be on the road,' Sheriff Grady Judd said in a statement. 'She not only put herself and the horse in danger, but also anyone who was driving on the road, which is typically very busy.' Byrne was also hit with an animal neglect charge, police said. The horse, named Boduke, was taken to the Sheriff's livestock facility, but he will likely be reunited with his owner, The Orlando Sentinel reports. It appears it wasn't Byrne's first rodeo, police said she has five previous charges against her, including cruelty to animals, drug possession and violating her probation. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Mariana Re: Mailwasher Dear Webby, Dear Webby, I'm sure glad you nagged me into getting Mailwasher. I was away from work for three weeks and really dreaded facing the mail that accumulated in the meantime. But guess what! I turned my computer on, Mailwasher dit it's thing and deleted 2500 mails, and all I had was about 30 mails that I had to read and answer. Keep that button on the left side! I am getting my boss to buy it too. Thanks much! Mariana Dear Mariana! Good for you! Have FUN! DearWebby The seven-year old told her mom, that a little boy in her class asked her to play doctor. "Oh, dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?" "Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
The policeman was walking his beat when he saw two men fighting and a little boy standing alongside them crying, "Daddy, Daddy!" The officer pulled the two men apart and, turning to the boy, asked, "Which one is your father, lad?" "I don't know," the boy said, rubbing tears from his eyes. "That's what they're fighting about!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Overflowing Toilet With quick action, you can limit the amount of water that winds up on your floor from an overflowing toilet. First, take off the back of the toilet and push the stopper or plunger down in the bottom of the tank so it stops allow water into the bowel. Then reach down behind the toilet and turn off the water valve. Then find your handy plunger to take care of the blockage. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A wealthy contractor liked to know something about all the employees who worked for him. One day he came upon a young man who was expertly counting out a large wad of the firm's cash. The contractor asked the man, "Where did you get your financial training, young man?" "Yale," the man answered. "That's good," said the contractor, who was an advocate of higher learning. "What's your name?" he asked. "Yonnie Yackson." __________________________________________________ | | Meet the other legendary female aviator who could drink any Sailor under the table. |
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that." The student looked up and replied, "Well you can't say you weren't warned, Ms. Smith." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
From Sally While riding the bus, my mother noticed a young man, who was holding onto the same pole, staring at her. Eventually, he said, "Excuse me. This is my stop." Since she wasn't blocking his way, she was confused. "Well," she said, "go ahead." "And this is my pole," he said. My mother was completely perplexed until the young man added, "I just bought it at the hardware store to hold up my shower curtain." And with that, he picked up his pole and carried it off the bus. ____________________________________________________ | Today, November 7, in 1637 Anne Hutchinson, the first female religious leader in the American colonies, was banished from the Massachusetts Bay Colony for heresy. 1811 The Shawnee Indians of chief Tecumseh were defeated by William Henry Harrison at the Battle of Wabash (or (Tippecanoe). 1837 In Alton, IL, abolitionist printer Elijah P. Lovejoy was shot to death by a mob (supporters of slavery) while trying to protect his printing shop from a third destruction. 1874 The Republican party of the U.S. was first symbolized as an elephant in a cartoon by Thomas Nast in Harper's Weekly. 1876 The cigarette manufacturing machine was patented by Albert H. Hook. 1893 The state of Colorado granted its women the right to vote. 1895 The last spike was driven into Canada's first transcontinental railway in the mountains of Alberta. 1917 Russia's Bolshevik Revolution took place. The provisional government of Alexander Kerensky was overthrown by forces led by Vladimir Ilyich Lenin. 1932 "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century" was broadcast for the first time on CBS Radio. 1933 Voters in Pennsylvania eliminated sports from Pennsylvanian "Blue Laws." 1940 The middle section of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in Washington state collapsed during a windstorm. The suspension bridge had opened to traffic on July 1, 1940. 1944 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first person to win a fourth term as president. 1965 The "Pillsbury Dough Boy" debuted in television commercials. 1967 Carl Stokes was elected the first black mayor Cleveland, OH, becoming the first black mayor of a major city. 1967 The U.S. Selective Service Commission announced that college students arrested in anti-war demonstrations would lose their draft deferments. 1973 The U.S. Congress over-rode President Nixon's veto of the War Powers Act, which limits a chief executive's power to wage war without congressional approval. 1983 A bomb exploded in the U.S. Capitol. No one was injured. 1985 The Colombian army stormed the country's Palace of Justice. The siege claimed the lives of 100 people, including 11 Supreme Court Justices. The Palace had been seized by leftist guerrillas belonging to the April 19 Movement. 1987 Tunisia's president Habib Bourguiba was overthrown. He had been president since the country's independence in 1956. 1988 Sugar Ray Leonard knocked out Donnie LaLonde. 1989 L. Douglas Wilder won the governor's race in Virginia, becoming the first elected African-American state governor in U.S. history. 1989 David Dinkins was elected and become New York City's first African-American mayor. 1989 Richard Ramirez, convicted of California's "Night Stalker" killings, was sentenced to death. 1991 Magic Johnson (NBA) announced that he had tested positive for the virus that causes AIDS, and that he was retiring from basketball. 1991 Pro- and anti-Communists rallies took place in Moscow on the 74th anniversary of the Bolshevik Revolution. 1991 Actor Paul Reubens, a.k.a. Pee Wee Herman, pled no contest to charges of indecent exposure. Reubens had been arrested in Sarasota, FL, for exposing himself in a theater. 1995 In a Japanese courtroom, three U.S. military men admitted to the rape of a 12-year-old Okinawan schoolgirl. 2000 Hillary Rodham Clinton made history as the first president's wife to win public office. The state of New York got some Democrat senator to resign and basically hand over the position to Hillary. 2001 The new .BIZ domain extension was officially launched. 2001 After a 16-month stoppage the Concorde resumed flying commercially. 2017 Do smiled. |
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