| Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, March 15 ___________________________________________________ History: on this day, March 15, in 1968 - The U.S. mint halted the practice of buying and selling gold. _____________________________________ Bonehead Award: Plano man arrested in Montgomery child pornography __________________________________________________ Q I am certain there is too much certainty in the world. --- Michael Crichton (1942 - 2008) "The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant: It's just that they know so much that isn't so." --- Ronald Reagan ________________________________________________ You Know You're Living in 2023 When... 1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave. 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3. 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses. 6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries. 7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen. 8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it. 10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee. 11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : ) 12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing. 13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message. 14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list. 15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list. ________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ A student kept bugging his friend, "What time is it?" Finally, his friend complained, "Why don't you get a watch like the rest of us." "Why do I need a watch? There is always someone around to ask." But what can you do in the middle of the night, when you are alone and need to know what time it is? "That's easy - I blow my shofar." (A Shofar is a Rams horn, which is blown on Rosh Hashana and at the end of Yom Kippur and sounds like a wailing voice) "You what?" "I blow my shofar. Whenever I wake up and need to know what time it is, I open the window and blow my shofar very loudly.. And literally within a few seconds, I hear someone yell ' Are you crazy? It's 2:45 in the morning!" _________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins. ________________________________________________ A couple are lying in bed. The man says: "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman says: "The dog will probably miss you" ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ This is a true story, a conversation that took place between my neighbor and myself a few days ago. You have to understand that my neighbor, Larry (I should call him Leroy to protect the innocent) is drawing a disability check, if you can't figure what for, maybe you should get one too. Here goes LARRY: When I was working in Nebraska, I gave this girl 400 dollars to have sex with me. MIKE: You what? You gave a girl $400 for sex? LARRY: YEP MIKE: DAMN, what did she look like? LARRY: She had big tits and blonde hair. MIKE: Larry, was it worth it? LARRY: Nope, that's why I stopped payment on the check. MIKE: Are you telling me that you found a girl that would take a check for sex? Then you stopped payment on the check because it wasn't any good? LARRY: YEP, $400. MIKE: Does your wife know about this? LARRY: YEP MIKE: And just what did she have to say? LARRY: She wasn't very happy, and she doesn't let me carry her checkbook anymore. ___________________________________________________ The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100 th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right. A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist toThe family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100 th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right. A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up. A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?" Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew: "The SOBs won't let me fart." hold her up. ___________________________________________________ The newlywed couple had been up for a while before they met up in the kitchen. Marriage was agreeing with John, and he greeted his new wife with glee and excitation that morning. "If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart," said Jill, "breakfast will be ready." "Great!" John said, "What are we having for breakfast?" And Jill said, "Toast and juice." __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Andres D. Wiley, 48, Plano, Illinois, USA Plano man arrested in Montgomery child pornography An investigation began in October of 2020 when police had received information that the owner of a home in the 2000 block of Kate Drive had child pornography. A search of the home found multiple devices with child pornography. Wiley is being held in the Kane County Jail in St. Charles with bond set at $250,000 with 25 percent to apply. _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Me Re: Computer dying Unfortunately I am not immune to computer crashes. I am going to have to take a few days off to get my computer fixed or replaced. It keeps locking up. Have FUN! DearWebby _________________________________________________ Today, March 15 4 BC - Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by high ranking Roman Senators. The day is known as the "Ides of March." 1341 - During the Hundred Years War, an alliance was signed between Roman Emperor Louis IV and France's Philip VI. 1493 - Christopher Columbus returned to Spain after his first New World voyage. 1778 - In command of two frigates, the Frenchman la Perouse sailed east from Botany Bay for the last lap of his voyage around the world. 1781 - During the American Revolution, the Battle of Guilford Courthouse took place in North Carolina. British General Cornwallis' 1,900 soldiers defeated an American force of 4,400. 1862 - General John Hunt Morgan began four days of raids near the city of Gallatin, 1864 - Red River Campaign began as the Union forces reach Alexandria, LA. 1875 - The Roman Catholic Archbishop of New York, John McCloskey, was named the first American cardinal. 1877 - The first cricket test between Australia and England was played in Melbourne. Australia won by 45 runs. 1892 - New York State unveiled the new automatic ballot voting machine. 1892 - Jesse W. Reno patented the Reno Inclined Elevator. It was the first escalator. 1901 - German Chancellor von Bulow declared that an agreement between Russia and China over Manchuria would violate the Anglo-German accord of October 1900. 1902 - In Boston, MA, 10,000 freight handlers went back to work after a weeklong strike. 1903 - The British conquest of Nigeria was completed. 500,000 square miles were now controlled by the U.K. 1904 - Three hundred Russians were killed as the Japanese shelled Port Arthur in Korea. 1907 - In Finland women won their first seats in the Finnish Parliament. They took their seats on May 23. 1909 - Italy proposed a European conference on the Balkans. 1910 - Otto Kahn offered $500,000 for a family portrait by Dutch artist Frans Hals. Kahn had outbid J.P. Morgan for the work. 1913 - U.S. President Woodrow Wilson held the first open presidential news conference. 1916 - U.S. President Woodrow Wilson sent 12,000 troops, under General Pershing, over the border of Mexico to pursue bandit Pancho Villa. The mission failed. 1917 - Russian Czar Nicholas II abdicated himself and his son. His brother Grand Duke succeeded as czar. 1919 - The American Legion was founded in Paris. 1922 - Fuad I assumed the title of king of Egypt after the country gained nominal independence from Britain. 1934 - Henry Ford restored the $5 a day wage. 1935 - Joseph Goebbels, German Minister of Propaganda banned four Berlin newspapers. 1937 - In Chicago, IL, the first blood bank to preserve blood for transfusion by refrigeration was established at the Cook County Hospital. 1938 - Oil was discovered in Saudi Arabia. 1939 - German forces occupied Bohemia and Moravia, and part of Czechoslovakia. 1944 - Cassino, Italy, was destroyed by Allied bombing. 1946 - British Premier Attlee offered India full independence after agreement on a constitution. 1948 - Sir Laurence Olivier was on the cover of "LIFE" magazine for his starring role in Shakespeares "Hamlet." 1949 - Clothes rationing in Great Britain ended nearly four years after the end of World War II. 1951 - General de Lattre demanded that Paris send him more troops for the fight in Vietnam. 1951 - The Persian parliament voted to nationalize the oil industry. 1955 - The U.S. Air Force unveiled a self-guided missile. 1960 - Ten nations met in Geneva to discuss disarmament. 1960 - The first underwater park was established as Key Largo Coral Reef Preserve. 1964 - In Montreal, Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor were married. 1968 - The U.S. mint halted the practice of buying and selling gold. 1979 - Pope John Paul II published his first encyclical "Redemptor Hominis." In the work he warned of the growing gap between the rich and poor. 1982 - Nicaragua's ruling junta proclaimed a month- long state of siege and suspended the nation's constitution for one day. This came a day after anti- government rebels destroyed two bridges near the Honduran border. 1985 - In Brazil, two decades of military rule came to an end with the installation of a civilian government. 1989 - The U.S. Food and Drug administration decided to impound all fruit imported from Chili after two cyanide-tainted grapes were found in Philadelphia, PA. 1989 - The U.S. Department of Veteran's Affairs became the 14th Department in the President's Cabinet. 1990 - In Iraq, British journalist Farzad Bazoft was hanged for spying. 1990 - Mikhail Gorbachev was elected the first executive president of the Soviet Union. 1990 - The Ford Explorer was introduced to the public. 1990 - The Soviet parliament ruled that Lithuania's declaration of independence was invalid and that Soviet law was still in force in the Baltic republic. 1991 - Four Los Angeles police officers were indicted in the beating of Rodney King on March 3, 1991. 1991 - Yugoslav President Borisav Jovic resigned after about a week of anit-communist protests. 1994 - U.S. President Clinton extended the moratorium on nuclear testing until September of 1995. 1996 - The aviation firm Fokker NV collapsed. 1998 - More than 15,000 ethnic Albanians marched in Yugoslavia to demand independence for Kosovo. 1998 - CBS' "60 Minutes" aired an interview with former White House employee Kathleen Willey. Wiley said U.S. President Clinton made unwelcome sexual advances toward her in the Oval Office in 1993. 2002 - Libyan Abdel Baset Ali Mohmed Al-Megrahi began his life sentence in a Scottish jail for his role in the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 on December 21, 1988. 2002 - In the U.S., Burger King began selling a veggie burger. The event was billed as the first veggie burger to be sold nationally by a fast food chain. 2002 - In Texas, Andrea Yates received a life sentence for drowning her five children on June 20, 2001. 2002 - U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell told the Associated Press that the U.S. would stand by a 24- year pledge not to use nuclear arms against states that don't have them. 2004 - Clive Woodall's novel "One for Sorrow: Two for Joy" was published. Two days later Woodall sold the film rights to Walt Disney Co. for $1 million. Disney movies, music and books 2023, Do smiled.
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