Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, October 17 ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Man dies after DUI driver crashes car into Lemoore home _____________________________________________________ Today, October 17 in 1931 Al Capone was convicted on income tax evasion and was sentenced to 11 years in prison. He was released in 1939. _____________________________________________________ No problem is so formidable that you can't walk away from it. --- Charles M. Schulz (1922 - 2000) "What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce." --- Mark Twain _____________________________________________________ An IRS man asks a farmer, "How much is your prize bull worth?" The farmer says, "For tax purposes, or has he been hit by a train?" _____________________________________________________ British Columbia ___________________________________________________ Attn: IRS Enclosed is my 2019 tax return & payment. Please take note of the attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat. Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value $1029). This brings my total payment to $3429.00. Please note the overpayment of 422.00 and apply it to the "Presidential Election Fund," as noted on my return. Might I suggest you the send the above mentioned fund a 1.5 inch screw." (See attached article...HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch Phillips head screw.) It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year. Sincerely, A satisfied taxpayer ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Roger Cabuenas Jr. 19, Lemoore, California, USA Man dies after DUI driver crashes car into Lemoore home A 19-year-old man was arrested after police say he crashed his car into a house in Lemoore while driving under the influence of drugs last week. Lemoore police say Roger Cabuenas Jr. crashed his car into a home on Sunset Avenue on October 9 around 11:30 pm. Cabuenas ran from officers as they arrived and led them on a short chase before holding up a loaded gun at them. Police say he was eventually brought into custody. Investigators said Cabuenas' car hit a man who was inside the house, leaving him pinned between the vehicle and debris. First responders were able to free him, but he later died from his injuries at Adventist Health in Hanford. Cabuenas was booked into the Kings County Jail on several charges, including gross vehicular manslaughter, driving under the influence of drugs and hit and run. More charges may be added later. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Lisa RE: Maxthon Dear Webby, I agree that Maxthon is fast, and delightfully non-political. That much I love. BUT, there is a great big BUTT, much bigger than mine. It slithers itself as default into everything! YUCK! After I UNinstalled it, the defaults went to Internet Exploder! YUCK! YUCK! YUCK! How do I normalize everything? I am handicapped with W10. Lisa Dear Lisa Click on the left bottom corner, where START used to be. Click on SETTINGS Click on APPS look for the Internet Explorer or Microsoft Edge icon Click on that to change Select Chrome or FF Hit OK until you are out of the Settings Your chosen browser will be back as the default. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese." The second mouse orders up two shots of sour mash, pounds them both, slams each glass onto the bar, turns to the first mouse, and replies, "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day." The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this. I've got a date with the cat." ____________________________________________ Notes pinned to the pillow of a mother who has the flu by a well meaning husband who has inherited the house and kids.) Monday A.M. Dearest: Sleep late. Everything under control. Lunches packed. Kids off to school. Menu for dinner planned. Your lunch is on a tray in refrigerator: fruit cup, finger- sandwiches. Thermos of hot tea by bedside. See you around six. Tuesday A.M. Honey: Sorry about the egg rack in the frig. Hope you got back to sleep. Did the kids tell you about the Coke I put in the Thermoses? The school might call you about this. Dinner may be a little late. I'm doing your door-to- door canvas for liver research. Your lunch is in refrigerator. Hope you like leftover chili. Wednesday A.M. Dear Doris: Why in the name of all that is sane would you put soap powder in the flour canister! If you have time, could you please come up with a likely spot for Chris's missing shoes? We've checked the clothes hamper, garage, back seat of the car and wood box. Did you know the school has a ruling on bedroom slippers? There's some cold pizza for you on a napkin in the oven drawer. Will be late tonight. Driving eight Girl Scouts to tour meatpacking house. Thursday A.M. Doris: Don't panic over water in hallway. It crested last night at 9 P.M. Will finish laundry tonight. Please pencil in answers to following: 1. How do you turn on the garbage disposal? 2. How do you turn off the milkman? 3. Why would that rotten kid leave his shoes in his boots? 4. How do you remove a Confederate flag inked on the palm of a small boy's hand? 5. What do you do with leftovers when they begin to snap at you when you open the door? I don't know what you're having for lunch! Surprise me! Friday A.M. Hey: Don't drink from pitcher by the sink. Am trying to restore pink dress shirt to original white. Take heart. Tonight, the ironing will be folded, the house cleaned and the dinner on time. I called your mother. have a great day. ____________________________________________ Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the buds on my father's young peach tree for two years in a row. This spring Dad was ready. He replanted the sapling in a large box, mounted it on wheels, and put the tree in the garage whenever the temperature dropped. One warm April day Dad was wheeling the tree out into the yard, and stopped to give our dog a drink from the garden hose. A neighbor watched the scene with amusement. "Frank," he finally commented, "you're the only man I know who walks his tree and waters his dog!" Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the buds on my father's young peach tree for two years in a row. This spring Dad was ready. He replanted the sapling in a large box, mounted it on wheels, and put the tree in the garage whenever the temperature dropped. One warm April day Dad was wheeling the tree out into the yard, and stopped to give our dog a drink from the garden hose. A neighbor watched the scene with amusement. "Frank," he finally commented, "you're the only man I know who walks his tree and waters his dog!" ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today October 17 in 1739 Thomas Coram was granted a Royal Charter from George II so a "hospital for the maintenance and education of exposed and deserted young children" in Londond, England. 1777 American troops defeated British forces in Saratoga, NY. It was the turning point in the American Revolutionary War. 1888 The first issue of "National Geographic Magazine" was released at newsstands. 1931 Al Capone was convicted on income tax evasion and was sentenced to 11 years in prison. He was released in 1939. 1933 Dr. Albert Einstein moved to Princeton, NJ, after leaving Germany. 1945 Colonel Juan Peron became the dictator of Argentina after staging a coup in Buenos Aires. 1973 The Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC) began an oil-embargo against several countries including the U.S. and Great Britain. The incident stemmed from Western support of Israel when Egypt and Syria attacked Israel on October 6, 1973. The embargo lasted until March of 1974. 1978 U.S. President Carter signed a bill that restored full U.S. citizenship rights to Confederate President Jefferson Davis. 1979 Mother Teresa of India was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. 1987 U.S. First Lady Nancy Reagan underwent a modified radical mastectomy at Bethesda Naval Hospital in Maryland. 1989 An earthquake measuring 7.1 on the Richter Scale hit the San Francisco Bay area in California. The quake caused about 67 deaths, 3,000 injuries, and damages up to $7 billion. 1994 Israel and Jordan initialed a draft peace treaty. 1994 The Angolan government and rebels agreed to a peace treaty that ended their 19 years of civil war. 1997 The remains of revolutionary Ernesto "Che" Guevara were laid to rest in his adopted Cuba, 30 years after his execution in Bolivia. 2000 In New York City, Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum opened to the public. The 42nd Street location joined Tussaud's other exhibitions already in London, Hong Kong, Amsterdam and Las Vegas. 2000 Patrick Roy (Colorado Avalanche) achieved his 448th victory as a goalie in the NHL. Roy passed Terry Sawchuck to become the record holder for career victories. 2001 Israel's tourism minister was killed. A radical Palestinian faction claimed that it had carried out the assassination to avenge the killing of its leader by Israel 2 months earlier. 2001 Pakistan placed its armed forces on high alert because of troop movements by India in the disputed territory of Kashmir. India said that the movements were part of a normal troop rotation. 2001 Italian priest Giuseppe "Beppe" Pierantoni was kidnapped by the terrorist group the "Pentagon." He was released on April 8, 2002. 2003 In the U.S., the Food and Drug Administration approved a drug, known as memantine, to help people with Alzheimer's symptoms. 2003 In Taipei, Taiwan, construction crews finished 1,676-foot- tall-building called Taipei 101. The building was planned to open for business in 2004. 2003 In northwest England, the Carnforth railway station reopened as a heritage center. 2020 Do smiled. |
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