Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, July 28 _____________________________________________________ Today, July 28 in 1866 The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress for the standardization of weights and measures throughout the United States. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Woman arrested after pouring alcohol into mouth of Taco Bell worker at drive-thru _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ A short saying oft contains much wisdom. --- Sophocles (496 BC - 406 BC) _____________________________________________________ An old Wild West fort is about to be attacked. The wily old General sends for his trusty Indian Scout. "Scout, you must use all your thirty years of skills for me and try to estimate the sort of army we are up against here." The trusty Indian Scout lays down and puts his ear to the ground. "Large war party," he says, "maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on white stallions. Many, many guns! Medicine man also with them." "Good grief!" exclaims the General, "you can tell all of that just by listening to the ground?" "NO," replied the Indian. "I can see under the gate." ______________________________________________________` _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Elianna Aguilar-Aguilar, 23, Cornelius, Oregon r Woman arrested after pouring alcohol into mouth of Taco Bell worker at drive-thru An Oregon woman was arrested after she pulled up to a Taco Bell drive-thru and poured Hennessy into the mouth of an employee, according to authorities. Elianna Aguilar-Aguilar, 23, apparently didn't notice the Washington County Sheriff's sergeant behind her in line when she reached through the drive-thru window and gave the worker a swig of alcohol on Saturday. The sergeant immediately followed Aguilar-Aguilar out of the parking lot and pulled her over, the Oregonian reported. Two passengers were also in her vehicle. Aguilar-Aguilar was booked into the county jail on suspicion of driving under the influence of intoxicants (DUII), according to KPTV. The sheriff's office said she had a blood alcohol content of .12 percent. The sheriff's office called it the "weirdest DUII arrest of the weekend," in a statement posted to Facebook. Deputies talked to the Taco Bell worker following the incident. He said most of the alcohol spilled on him, and he didn't know the woman, according to sheriff's office spokesman Deputy DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Eleanore Re: Misleading subject lines Dear Webby, When I get mail advertising stuff, it often has misleading subject lines. Is that just an honest mistake, or a problem? Eleanore Dear Eleanore That is not a mistake at all, but sucker-bait on purpose. Just trash it. The rest of those mails is just as phony and you will never get your money's worth through them. The same goes for mails that have your address forged in as the sender address. Guaranteed Scam! Trash them. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Buying Smoke-free Items Online When buying clothing, stuffed animals or books on auction websites, make sure that the items have been in a smoke-free environment. If it's not stated in the auction description, be sure to ask the seller directly. Cigarette smoke odors can be difficult to remove, especially from stuffed toys and books. thriftyfun.Com ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from some of the surrounding colleges to attend. The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most trustworthy students. The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to send a dozen or so of the regular kind ?" ___________________________________________________ A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves-the barbers were reaching for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that shit on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!" The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. MY wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like. ___________________________________________________ A big executive boarded a New York to Chicago train. He explained to the conductor, "I'm a heavy sleeper, but I want you to be sure and wake me up at 3:00 am for the stop in Buffalo. Don't care what I say, you just make sure I get off in Buffalo." The next morning the executive woke up in Chicago. He was furious. He found the porter and really gave him an earful before hustling off to purchase a return ticket. After he left, a co-worker said to the porter, "How can you stand there and let that passenger abuse you like that?" "That's nothing," said the porter. "You should have heard the guy kicked out in Buffalo!" __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A sweet young lady thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him when was the last time he had had sex. "Ninteen fifty six," was his immediate reply. "No wonder you look so uptight!" she exclaimed. "Honey, you need to get out more." "I'm not sure I understand you," he answered, glancing at his watch. "It's only twenty-fourteen now." ___________________________________________________ | Today, July 28 in 1821 Peru declared its independence from Spain. 1866 The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress for the standardization of weights and measures throughout the United States. 1914 World War I officially began when England used Austria- Hungary declaration of war on Serbia as an excuse to widen the local conflict. 1932 Federal troops forcibly dispersed the "Bonus Army" of World War I veterans who had gathered in Washington, DC. They were demanding money they were not scheduled to receive until 1945. 1941 Plans for the Pentagon were approved by the U.S. House of Representatives. 1942 L.A. Thatcher received a patent for a coin-operated mailbox. The device stamped envelopes when money was inserted. 1945 A U.S. Army bomber crashed into the 79th floor of New York City's Empire State Building. 14 people were killed and 26 were injured. 1951 The Walt Disney film "Alice in Wonderland" was released. 1965 U.S. President Johnson announced he was increasing the number of American troops in South Vietnam from 75,000 to 125,000. 1982 San Francisco, CA, became the first city in the U.S. to ban handguns. 1998 Bell Atlantic and GTE announced $52 billion deal that created the second-largest phone company. 1998 Serbian military forces seized the Kosovo town of Malisevo. 1998 Monica Lewinsky received blanket immunity from prosecution to testify before a grand jury about her relationship with U.S. President Clinton. 2006 Researchers announced that two ancient reptiles had been found off Australia. The Umoonasaurus and Opallionectes were the first of their kind to be found in the period soon after the Jurassic era. 2019 Do smiled. |
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