Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, September 12 Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award:  Parents separated from kid, after toddler handed cops drugs when mom was pulled over  ______________________________________________________ Today, September 12 in 1918 During World War I, At the Battle of St. Mihiel, U.S. Army personnel operate tanks for the first time. The tanks were French-built. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
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 I don't really trust a sane person. --- Lyle Alzado (1949 - 1992) A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. --- Milton Berle ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A woman passed out and her husband,Bubba, called 911. The operator said they would send someone out right away and asked, "Where do you live?" Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally, Bubba said, "How about I drag her over to Oak Street and you can meet us there?" -------- In Feldkirch, where I went to University, there was a Gasthaus (inn) on Gymnasium Street, that was very popular with students. It was a fairly common occurrence that students passed out upon leaving and getting to the fresh air. Cops did not like writing Gymnasium Street, so they always wrote Markt Street, the next street over, whether they drug the student over there or not. Passed out students could not remember the details anyway. _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady. ______________________________________________________   Kei Truck Garden Contest _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business." ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Megan Karl, 33, Scott Hil, 26, New Scotland New York  Parents separated from kid, after toddler handed cops drugs when mom was pulled over  A 3-year-old girl got her mother and a friend into hot water during an upstate traffic stop when she handed a state trooper drugs and paraphernalia, police said Monday. The child was in the backseat of a 2000 Saturn when it was pulled over by cops during an occupant-safety checkpoint on Route 32 in New Scotland just south of Albany on Thursday afternoon, according to New York State Police. The front-seat occupants 26-year-old driver Scott Hill and the little girls mom, Megan Karl, 33 were observed making suspicious movements, police said. When they rolled down their windows, cops could smell burning marijuana, police said. As one trooper interviewed Hill, another checked on the child, according to the troopers. Thats when the child who was not properly secured reached under the front seat and pulled out a pouch, police said. She opened it up to show the officer what was inside marijuana, a metal marijuana grinder and a pipe, both of which had remnants of the drug, police said. Cops also found an ashtray in the front seat containing marijuana cigarette butts, police said. The drugs and paraphernalia apparently belonged to Hill, according to police. Hill and Karl were arrested and charged with endangering the welfare of a child. Hill was also charged with unlawful possession of marijuana, police said. The girl was taken into the care of relatives, and child- protective services was notified of the incident. 
 From: Susan Re: Get knocked off-line and modem makes weird noise  Dear Webby, Good Morning, We have been having a lot of trouble of falling off line once we are connected to Inet. We have a new provider so apparantly that was not the problem. When trying to connect, I sometimes notice strange noise...I have to shut down and restart. If the strange noise has stopped, it will then connect. We still may get dropped and have to reconnect. I think this is a modem problem. Do you think the modem needs to be replaced? It has been replaced once. Does heat have anything to do with this? (we have dial up) Read your humor letter and vote every time I am online. I do not trust just anyone's 'tech help' but I have never gone wrong with yours. Thank you for any help you can give me this time. Susan  Dear Susan that would be either the modem re-dialing after your connection had broken, or some malicious program knocking you off and then dialing a long distance number. Is the sound similar to when you are normally connecting? if it sounds like a normal connecting, then reboot to get a clean slate, then click on START, RUN, then type cmd and hit Enter. You will get a black and white DOS screen. In there type tracert hotmail.com Click on EDIT, MARK, COPY, then paste that into a text file or email. Just save that. Then, next time you get knocked off and the modem dials you up with a weird noise, do that again. If it shows a different trace route, then you know some malicious program is connecting you to some expensive long distance. If it shows the same route as right after rebooting, then you can relax. Then it's just something interrupting your connection. That could be anything. When I was in the Yukon, my security system did a self-test at 01:00 and called in an "OK" to the monitoring station. That of course knocked me off-line. In Okotoks it was the gas meter, that phoned in the day's results at 02:00. Same thing. I got knocked off the net, at exactly the same time every night. If it happens more than once a day, ask the phone company to check the line and find out what interrupts the connection. Have FUN DearWebby  
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 The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances." During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up." At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute became the regular organist! That is from the days before the left wing media made assholes famouos. 
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 A man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower." ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing An Extra Roll of Toilet Paper If you do not have cabinet bathroom storage space, or it just is not close enough to the toilet, store toilet paper spare roll this way. Cut the bottom out of a tall square tissue box and slip it over the top of the roll. It's both pretty and handy, sitting on the toilet top. By Linda  If you can't find a suitable tissue box, use an empty bleach bottle, cut the bottom 2 inches off, and decorate the bottle with graffiti or paste cartoons or pictures on it. You can even tie a few mark-alls on strings so that visitors can sign or leave smart-ass remarks or wise comments. Start with a few quotes to give them the idea. Have FUN! DearWebby  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
  
 
 London's secret nuclear reactor. 
 ___________________________________________________ During a Law school lecture, the 'Audi alteramparten' rule was explained. Translated it means, "To hear the other party". After discussing the subject at great length, the lecturer asked if anyone didn't understand the rule. A man in the back of the class said, "Yes, my wife." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, "This is good!" To which the king replied, "No, this is NOT good!"and proceeded to send his friend to jail. About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured himand took them to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and bound him to the stake. As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone that was less than whole. So untying the king, they sent him on his way. As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had takenhis thumb and felt remorse for his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. "You were right," he said, "it was good that my thumb was blown off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. "And so I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this..." "No," his friend replied, "this is good!!" "What do you mean, 'This is good!'?? How could it be good that I sent my friend to jail for a year?!" "If I had not been in jail, I would have been with you, hunting!" ____________________________________________________  
 Today, September 12 in 1609 English explorer Henry Hudson sailed down what is now known as the Hudson River. 1814 During the War of 1812, the Battle of North Point was fought in Maryland. 1873 The first practical typewriter was sold to customers. 1914 The first battle of Marne ended when the allied forces stopped the German offensive in France. 1916 Adelina and August Van Buren finished the first successful transcontinental motorcycle tour to be attempted by two women. They started in New York City on July 5, 1916. 1918 During World War I, At the Battle of St. Mihiel, U.S. Army personnel operate tanks for the first time. The tanks were French-built. 1922 The Episcopal Church removed the word "Obey" from the bride's section of wedding vows. 1938 In a speech, Adolf Hitler demanded self-determination for the Sudeten Germans in Czechoslovakia. 1940 The Lascaux paintings were discovered in France. The cave paintings were 17,000 years old and were some of the best examples of art from the Paleolithic period. 1943 During World War II, Benito Mussolini was taken by German paratroopers from the Italian government that was holding him. 1944 U.S. Army troops entered Germany, near Trier, for the first time during World War II. 1953 U.S. Senator John F. Kennedy married Jacqueline Lee Bouvier. 1953 Nikita Krushchev was elected as the first secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union. 1954 "Lassie" made its television debut on CBS. The last show aired on September 12, 1971. 1974 Violence occurred on the opening day of classes in Boston, MA due to opposition to court-ordered school "busing." 1974 Emperor Haile Selassie was taken out of power by Ethiopia's military after ruling for 58 years. 1977 South African anti-apartheid activist Stephen Biko died at the age of 30. The student leader died while in police custody which triggered an international outcry. 1983 Arnold Schwarzenegger became a U.S. citizen. He had emigrated from Austria 14 years earlier. 1991 The space shuttle Discovery took off on a mission to deploy an observatory that was to study the Earth's ozone layer. 1992 Police in Peru captured Shining Path founder Abimael Guzman. 1992 Dr. Mae Carol Jemison became the first African-American woman in space. She was the payload specialist aboard the space shuttle Endeavor. Also onboard were Mission Specialist N. Jan Davis and Air Force Lieutenant Colonel Mark C. Lee. They were the first married couple to fly together in space. And, Mamoru Mohri became the first Japanese person to fly into space. 2009 Steve Jobs announced that Apple's iTunes had 88% of the legal U.S. music download market. 2018 Do smiled. 
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