Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, April 15 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Burger King Shooter Busted ___________________________________________________ Today, April 15 in 1912 The ocean liner Titanic sank in the North Atlantic after hitting an iceberg the evening before. 1,517 people died and more than 700 people survived. ____________________________________________________ My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. --- Mike Myers I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. --- Bernard M. Baruch (1870 - 1965) ____________________________________________________ My Aunt died this past January. Citi Bank billed her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge...the balance had been $0.00... now was somewhere around $60.00) I placed the following phone call to CitiBank: Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January." CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply." Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections..." CitiBank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been." Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?" CitiBank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau...maybe both!" Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?" CitiBank:"...excuse me .....?" Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you.... the part about her being dead?" CitiBank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!" (Supervisor gets on the phone) Me: ''I'm calling to tell you, she died in January." CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply." Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?" CitiBank: ".....(stammer)" CitiBank: "Are you her lawyer?" Me: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given... ) CitiBank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?" Me: "Sure." ( Fax number is given ) ( After they get the fax. ) CitiBank: "Our system just isn't setup for death..." Me: "Oh..." CitiBank: "I don't know what more I can do to help..." Me: "Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her...I suppose...don't really think she will care...." CitiBank: "Well...the late fees and charges do still apply." Me: "'Would you like her new billing address?" CitiBank: "That might help." Me: " ( Odessa Memorial Cemetery #### Hwy 129 and plot number given. ) CitiBank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!" Me: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?!!" ____________________________________________________ My face in the mirror Isn't wrinkled or drawn. My house isn't dirty, the cobwebs are gone. My garden looks lovely and so does my lawn. I think I will not put my glasses back on. ____________________________________________________ Glenn-Allen Photography The Pemaquid Point Light is a historic U.S. lighthouse located in Bristol, Lincoln County, Maine, at the tip of the Pemaquid Neck. ____________________________________________________ The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her now ex-husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper. "Honey," his wife said, while reading the newspaper, "it looks like the government is going to cut the military forces. They are going to eliminate six over-aged destroyers." To which the husband replies, "Sorry to hear that, dear. I'm sure you'll miss your mother when she's gone." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Keona Shonte Jackson, 32, Memphis, Tennessee USA Burger King Shooter Busted A Tennessee woman is jailed on attempted murder charges after she allegedly leaned into a Burger Kings drive-thru window and opened fire on workers due to the wait time to be served, investigators report. Keona Shonte Jackson, 32, was arrested yesterday in connection with the March 30 shooting at the Memphis restaurant. Charged with two counts of attempted murder and using a firearm during the commission of a felony, Jackson is being held in the Shelby County jail in lieu of $250,000 bond. A Burger King security camera recorded Jackson firing away at employees. After police this month released still images from the video, a tipster identified Jackson as the wanted woman. According to a felony complaint, workers Katerria Thomas and Kyara Banks told police that a female patron got angry regarding the wait time to be served at the restaurant drive- thru window. Cops allege that Jackson--who was a passenger in a gray sedan--exited the vehicle to argue with the two employees. As the dispute escalated, Jackson allegedly threatened to shoot the women. A surveillance camera captured Jackson returning to the car and retrieving a black handgun from the vehicle. She then extended her upper body into the drive-thru window and fired several shots at Thomas and Banks as they fled through the rear door of the business. Neither worker was hit by the gunfire. Police recovered two spent .380 caliber shell casings inside the Burger King. A projectile, cops say, was located near the eaterys restroom doors. Jacksons rap sheet includes a pair of theft convictions, one of which was a felony for which she received a two-year prison term, the execution of which was suspended by a judge. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Fonts Morning Dear, Still loving and look forward daily to your humor letters. Today I do have a question for you. Since my computer took a dump and a new computer installed, I lost some fonts that I would like. What is the best site to download free fonts? I need several and would appreciate your help. Many thanks. Jim Dear Jim Here are some: https://www.1001freefonts.com/ https://www.wfonts.com/ https://www.dafont.com/ Have FUN! DearWebby Things That Are Difficult to Say When You're Drunk: Indubitably; Innovative; Preliminary; Proliferation; Cinnamon. Things That Are VERY Difficult to Say When You're Drunk: Specificity; Cogito ergo sum; British; Constitution; Passive-aggressive disorder; Loquacious; Transubstantiate. Things That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE to Say When You're Drunk: Thanks, but I don't want to have sex; Nope, no more booze for me; Sorry, but you're not really my type; Good evening, officer, isn't it lovely out tonight? Oh, I just couldn't, no one wants to hear me sing! | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that's where you get shitty ideas from ____________________________________________ Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop: "Give me four of those pinwheels, two of those pink flamingos, two of the sunflowers, and one of those bent-over grandma in bloomers." Cashier reply's: "That'll be eight dollars for the pinwheels, ten dollars for the flamingos, six dollars for the sunflowers, and an apology to my wife!" ____________________________________________ It was my first year of teaching tenth-graders geometry, and I was frustrated with the lack of effort in the class. Trying to make the group more interactive, I asked, "Who can define a polygon?" The reply was, "A dead parrot." ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, April 15 in 1784 The first balloon was flown in Ireland. 1813 U.S. troops under James Wilkinson attacked the Spanish- held city of Mobile that would be in the future state of Alabama. 1817 The first American school for the deaf was opened in Hartford, CT. 1850 The city of San Francisco was incorporated. 1858 At the Battle of Azimghur, the Mexicans defeated Spanish loyalists. 1861 U.S. President Lincoln mobilized the Federal army. 1865 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln died from injuries inflicted by John Wilkes Booth. 1871 "Wild Bill" Hickok became the marshal of Abilene, Kansas. 1892 The General Electric Company was organized. 1899 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Portland Cement Company. 1912 The ocean liner Titanic sank in the North Atlantic after hitting an iceberg the evening before. 1,517 people died and more than 700 people survived. 1917 The British defeated the Germans at the battle of Arras. 1923 Insulin became generally available for people suffering with diabetes. 1934 In the comic strip "Blondie," Dagwood and Blondie Bumstead welcomed a baby boy, Alexander. The child would be nicknamed, Baby Dumpling. 1940 French and British troops landed at Narvik, Norway. 1945 At the end of World War II, British and Canadian troops liberated the Nazi concentration camp Bergen-Belsen. 1948 The Arabs were defeated in the first Jewish-Arab battle. 1951 The first episode of the "Adventures of Wild Bill Hickok" radio show aired. 1952 U.S. President Harry Truman signed the official Japanese peace treaty. 1952 The first B-52 prototype was tested in the air. 1953 In Buenos Aires, six people were killed by a bomb at a rally addressed by President Peron. 1953 Pope Pius XII gave his approval of psychoanalysis but warned of possible abuses. 1953 Charlie Chaplin surrendered his U.S. re-entry permit rather than face proceedings by the U.S. Justice Department. Chaplin was accused of sympathizing with Communist groups. 1956 The worlds first, all-color TV station was dedicated. It was WNBQ-TV in Chicago and is now WMAQ-TV. 1956 General Motors announced that the first free piston automobile had been developed. 1959 Cuban leader Fidel Castro began a U.S. goodwill tour. 1967 Richard Speck was found guilty of murdering eight student nurses. 1983 In Urayasu, Chiba, Japan, the Tokyo Disneyland themepark opened. 1984 Ten members of a family were found murdered in their home in New York City. An infant was found crawling among the corpses. 1986 U.S. F-111 warplanes attacked Libya in response to the bombing of a discotheque in Berlin on April 5, 1986. 1989 Students in Beijing launched a series of pro democracy protests upon the death of former Communist Party leader Hu Yaobang. The protests led to the Tienanmen Square massacre. 1989 In Sheffield, England, 96 people were killed and hundreds were injured at a soccer game at Hillsborough Stadium when a crowd surged into an overcrowded standing area. Ninety-four died on the day of the incident and two more later died from their injuries. 1994 The World Trade Organization was established. 1998 Pol Pot died at the age of 73. The leader of the Khmer Rouge regime thereby evaded prosecution for the deaths of 2 million Cambodians. 1999 In Algeria, former Foreign Minister Abdelaziz Bouteflika was elected president. All of the opposition candidates claimed that the vote was fraudulent and withdrew from the election. 1999 In Rawalpindi, Pakistan, a panel of two Lahore High Court judges convicted former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto and her husband, Asif Ali Zardari, of corruption. 2000 600 anti-IMF (International Monetary Fund) protesters were arrested in Washington, DC, for demonstrating without a permit. 2010 In Prospect Harbor, ME, the Stinson Seafood plant stopped sardine processing after 135 years in operation. 2021 Do smiled. |
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