Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, July 25 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Oklahoma man arrested after 12-year-old arrives at Tulsa hospital 9 months pregnant ___________________________________________________ Today, July 25 in 1861 The Crittenden Resolution, which called for the American Civil War to be fought to preserve the Union and not for slavery, was passed by the U.S. Congress. ____________________________________________________ Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion. --- Robertson Davies There are only two ways of telling the complete truth-- anonymously and posthumously. --- Thomas Sowell (1930 - ) ____________________________________________________ One day our German class was unusually talkative despite repeated warnings, and our teacher was becoming rather exasperated. After what must have been the sixth or eighth warning, he raised his voice to declare, "All right! The next person who talks is going to be severely castigated." The class was then very quiet for a few seconds, at least until a girl in the front row asked the teacher, "Mr. T--, how are you going to do that to a girl?" ____________________________________________________ In Denmark, a law obliges owners of large agricultural lands to cultivate 5% of their land in flower to protect bees. It is not a hard law, but a requirement in order to get an agricultural grant. ____________________________________________________ Here is an oldie I print most years at the begin of the hot weather: A couple drove their car to K-Mart only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car there in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand up his shorts and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband, who was standing idly by. The helpful mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his head. ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Juan Miranda-Jara, 24, Tulsa, Oklahoma; USA Oklahoma man arrested after 12-year-old arrives at Tulsa hospital 9 months pregnant An Oklahoma man has been arrested and charged with first-degree rape for allegedly impregnating a 12-year-old girl. Juan Miranda-Jara, 24, walked into Hillcrest Hospital in Tulsa July 14 with a child in mid-labor, FOX23 reported. Doctors called police, telling them they had a rape victim and Miranda-Jara was arrested. Miranda-Jara had reportedly told officers he was the father of the child and appeared not to understand what all the fuss was about. "They walked in just like any other couple would, excited to deliver their newborn child," Tulsa Police Officer Danny Bean told FOX23. The details of Miranda-Jaras relationship with the 12-year-old girl are not clear at this time. Investigators are trying to piece together how Miranda-Jara was able to impregnate the girl and how that pregnancy carried through to full-term without anyone alerting police. DearWebby's tech support pits From: Liz Re: Mouse problems Dear Webby My mouse still works for point and click, but I can't scroll pages up or down. The Microsoft mouse center claims I don't have a mouse, even though I can point and click. Buncha Bozox! How do I fix that, without buying a new mouse or crawling under my desk to plug the USB plug into another USB socket, which I don't have anyway? Liz Dear Liz Yes, the Microsoft mouse center is pretty useless. Turn the mouse upside down and look for the tiny switch underneath it. It is probably caked with dirt and won't move unless you use a knife or tiny screwdriver. Force it into the OFF position, and then back to the ON position. That does the same as unpluging the wireless receiverplug and plugging it into a different socket. After that your scrolling and the side buttons will muraculously come alive and work again. Have FUN! DearWebby Ray and Randy were riding the New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Randy adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Ray, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a five, and gladly hands it to the beggar with a smile. The beggar thanks him profusely and continues on to the other passengers. Randy is outraged by his friend's act of generosity. "What on EARTH did you do that for???" shouts Randy. "You know he's only going to use it on booze!!!" Ray replies, "And we weren't?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ During his first three-month evaluation, a rookie cop mentioned to the chief of police that the stress of the job was really starting to wear him down. The chief told the young policeman that when he was a young cop, whenever he was feeling too tense, he'd go home and make love like crazy with his wife for about an hour, which always made him feel better and enabled him to return to work with a much better outlook. The rookie considered this piece of wisdom and said it sounded like good advice; he'd give it a try and see if it helped. The next week the chief called the kid in and asked how things were going. The new cop replied that, in fact, just that morning had experienced extreme stress and had followed his boss's suggestion, with great success. He felt great. After being dismissed by his pleased superior, the rookie abruptly halted at the door and said, "Oh, Chief, I almost forgot. Your wife asked me to tell you to pick up some lamb chops for dinner." ____________________________________________ At a small parish in rural New England there lived a priest, and several nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the church were beginning to fray. She went to the priest and told him, "Father, I believe your rugs need to be replaced soon." The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told her that he thought that she had been there long enough to refer to church property as "our" not "your." Several days later, the same nun noticed that the hedge needed to be trimmed. She again went to the priest and told him, "Father, I've noticed that your...(-and after a stern look from the priest-) I mean OUR hedge needs to be trimmed." The priest thanked her for again bringing something to his attention and this time asked her if she had seen his watch that had gone missing. She said she hadn't, but assured him she would look for it. Another few days passed, and the parish received word that the bishop would be coming for a visit. The whole parish was in an uproar of cleaning, and decorating. On the day the bishop arrived, while the priest was greeting the bishop in front of the church, the same nun came running down the front stairs yelling, "Father, Father, I found your watch!!" The priest, annoyed at the interruption, gave her another one of his "stern looks". "Why yes, Father, Sorry. I found it under OUR bed." ____________________________________________ Henry was very old - in fact, he was about to celebrate his eighty-seventh birthday. He went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor gave him a thorough going-over, and then said, "For a man who's about to be eighty-three, you're in marvelous shape. But why a physical just a day before your birthday?" The old man explained that that very afternoon he was going to marry an eighteen-year-old girl. The doctor tried with a great deal of effort to dissuade him. "I'm goin' ahead with it no matter what," the old man said. "Got any other suggestions, Doc?" "Just one. If you want a really peaceful marriage, I suggest that you take in a boarder." The old man thought about it and said that it sounded like a good idea. The next time the doctor met the old man it was at a church fund-raising affair, half a year later. The old man came up to him and said, "Doctor, congratulate me! My wife's pregnant!" The doctor tried to maintain his poise, and said, "Well, so at least you followed my good advice and took in a boarder." "Oh, sure," said the old man, with a wicked grin, "and the boarder's pregnant too!" ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, July 25, in 0326 Emperor Constantine refused to carry out the traditional pagan sacrifices. 1394 Charles VI of France issued a decree for the general expulsion of Jews from France. 1564 Maximillian II became emperor of the Holy Roman Empire. 1587 Japanese strong-man Hideyoshi banned Christianity in Japan and ordered all Christians to leave. 1593 France's King Henry IV converted from Protestantism to Roman Catholicism. 1759 British forces defeated a French army at Fort Niagara in Canada. 1799 Napoleon Bonaparte defeated the Ottomans at Aboukir, Egypt. 1805 Aaron Burr visited New Orleans with plans to establish a new country, with New Orleans as the capital city. 1845 China granted Belgium equal trading rights with Britain, France and the United States. 1850 Gold was discovered in the Rogue River in OR. 1854 The paper collar was patented by Walter Hunt. 1861 The Crittenden Resolution, which called for the American Civil War to be fought to preserve the Union and not for slavery, was passed by the U.S. Congress. 1866 Ulysses S. Grant was named General of the Army. He was the first American officer to hold the rank. 1871 Seth Wheeler patented perforated wrapping paper. 1907 Korea became a protectorate of Japan. 1909 French aviator Louis Bleriot flew across the English Channel in a monoplane. He traveled from Calais to Dover in 37 minutes. He was the first man to fly across the channel. 1914 Russia declared that it would act to protect Serbian sovereignty. 1924 Greece announced the deportation of 50,000 Armenians. 1941 The U.S. government froze all Japanese and Chinese assets. 1943 Italian Fascist dictator Benito Mussolini was overthrown in a coup. 1946 The U.S. detonated an atomic bomb at Bikini Atoll in the Pacific. It was the first underwater test of the device. 1952 Puerto Rico became a self-governing commonwealth of the U.S. 1978 Louise Joy Brown, the first test-tube baby, was born in Oldham, England. She had been conceived through in-vitro fertilization. 1984 Soviet cosmonaut Svetlana Savitskaya became the first woman to walk in space. She was aboard the orbiting space station Salyut 7. 1994 Israel and Jordan formally ended the state of war that had existed between them since 1948. 1998 The USS Harry S. Truman was commissioned and put into service by the U.S. Navy. 1999 Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France. He was only the second American to win the race. 2010 WikiLeaks leaked to the public more than 90,000 internal reports involving the U.S.-led War in Afghanistan from 2004- 2010. 2016 Verizon Communications agreed to purchase Yahoo!'s operating business for $4.83 billion with the intention to merge it with AOL. 2021 Do smiled. |
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