Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, October 10 Happy Thanksgiving, if you are in Canada! Happy Columbus Day, if you are in the USA! Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Teacher student got vibrator stuck up her butt during sex with boyfriend Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, October 10, in 1911 China's Manchu dynasty was overthrown by revolutionaries under Sun Yat-sen. See More of what happened on this day in history. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up. --- James Magary Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. --- H. L. Mencken "It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory." --- W. Edwards Denning Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. --- Plato, 2300 years ago. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian. "What is it made of?" she asked. "Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied. "I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us." "Sure, mighty oyster wrestler. Try that twenty foot 'gator behind you!" ______________________________________________________ 2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP $29.99 ______________________________________________________ A graduate in economics who completed his degree in the 1960's, and who had dilligently worked his way up from the very bottom of the janitorial company where he got a job, to eventually become the senior vice president, returned to his old university for a visit. He was amazed to see that the examination questions were identical to the ones asked in his day. When he pointed this out to a member of staff, the reply was, "That's true, but in economics of course the answers change every year." ______________________________________________________ >From FB Grant Funded TreeHouse ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ Reported by the bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Emma Phillips, 24, Wallasey, Merseyside Great Britain Teacher student got vibrator stuck up her butt during sex with boyfriend Emma Phillips, a mother of a two year old from Wallasey, Merseyside, first thought boyfriend Lee had hidden the vibrator under a pillow as a prank. But then when she pressed down on her stomach she felt a buzzing inside her. They tried to remove it using a fork handle and barbecue prongs but all efforts failed. She was rushed to hospital to have the sex toy taken out and now Emma wants to warn people not to be afraid of getting help in embarrassing situations. Emma, 24, said: We were looking around the bed in case it had fallen out. When I leaned on my stomach I could feel it vibrating it was stuck low down and at one point was even wedged behind my hip. She added: For a while Lee was suggesting all kinds of wonderful options. He tried a kitchen fork handle, which we wont be using again, and said he could feel it at one point but that it was too far up it was a goner. He tried barbecue prongs too but after a certain point after an hour of trying we knew were going to have to go to hospital. We were both a bit shocked. After initially seeing the funny side Emma said that they quickly realised that shed need medical help. Emma said: Wed both been drinking the night before so we couldnt drive. I had to make the most embarrassing call to the ambulance at 7am. The call handler said tell me exactly what the problem is so I had to tell him. Doctors carried out an x-ray to work out where the still- buzzing vibrator was and realised it was too high up and would be too painful for them to manually extract it while she was awake. Emma said: I think at that point it started getting quite serious. The doctors were really good they all moved quite quickly and were so reassuring telling me they saw it quite often which was quite a relief. At first we were jokey about it but then realised it wasnt much of a joke especially when there was talk of going through my stomach if they couldnt get it. As she was being wheeled to theatre doctors told Emma if they couldnt extract it rectally they would have to go through the bowel and take some out which could mean at least six months with a colostomy bag. Emma said: I think before that I thought of it as just a little operation to get it out, I still wasnt taking it that seriously. When he said that that only when I woke up would I know whether they would have to cut me open it was really scary. At 12pm Emma underwent the minute-and-a-half surgery which involved placing a camera down her throat and the surgeon pressing on her stomach before manually extracting it. Doctors offered her the 12 inch toy as a keepsake but she declined. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits >From Phil Re: Move cookies Dear Webby, I realize that half the world thinks cookies are a bad thing, but personally I love them. I use Spybot-Search&Destroy since you first recommended it. It kills all the bad cookies, the ones that fink on you, but it leaves the good ones, those that store my bank access codes and the user names and passwords for my favorite stores. Those cookies are never sent anywhere and are safe. Now, my question is, how do I move the safe cookies onto my new machine? Thanks Phil Dear Phil To copy cookies from one computer to another, choose Import and Export from Internet Explorer's File menu. Click on the Next button to start the Import/Export Wizard. If your machines are not networked, you can copy them to a file on a camera memory chip or thumb drive, and then take that to the new machine. There use the same File, Import/Export, and import the cookies from that file. You can also export them to a file on the old machine, and if you have the machines networked, import them to the new machine from that file. Have FUN! DearWebby The new Librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a "Contract" for returning the books on time. Her first customer was a second grader, who looked surprised to see a new Librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved them across to the Librarian, with his library card on top. The Librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his name and card numberon each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust. Before the Librarian could even start her speech he said, scornfully, "Grampa is right. Education is not what it used to be. The last librarian we had, could write." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Efficient Ironing with Aluminum Foil By attosa [247 Posts, 556 Comments] You can save time and electricity using this one simple trick for ironing. Put a sheet of aluminum foil under your ironing board cover before ironing. The reflected heat and insulation from the foil makes it so you don't have to iron the other side (and totally speeds up your ironing process). You don't have to worry about your ironing board cover scorching, it takes a much higher heat for that. Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Little Johnny asked and received help from a librarian on how to use the card catalog. In a little while, he approached the librarian again, wanting to know how to spell "tequila." "T-e-q-u-i-l-a," spelled the librarian. Little Johnny thanked her and went back to his search. A short time later he came to the desk, looking quite distraught. "I just can't find it." he said. "What book are you looking for?" the librarian asked. Replied Little Johnny, "Tequila Mockingbird." | | one of my favorite football plays |
____________________________________________________ A man came into a gun shop and asked to see a shotgun. The clerk, seeing that the customer was obviously very wealthy showed him a Belgian handcrafted mother of pearl inlay weapon and demonstrated its fine points. A bargain at $20,000. The customer says, "No, not quite what I need." Then the clerk brings out an English model and shows off its fine points. "A steal at only $7,500." The customer says, "No, I don't need anything that fancy." The clerk, disappointed, shows the customer a Winchester 'over and under' mass production model. Only $129.95. The customer says, "That will do nicely. After all, it is just an informal wedding." ____________________________________________________ A butcher just out of trade school applies for and gets a job in Montana, skinning and cutting up the kills of local hunters. The first job he gets is to cut up a moose to put in the freezer. He finally gets the moose cut up and is putting it into bags and marking them with the contents: chops, rump steak, ribs, sirloin, etc. When he finishes with the stuff he knows, he is left with a pile of unidentifiable parts. At a loss as to what to do with them, he finally puts them all into one bag and labels them "moosellanious". ---------------- Just a bit North, across the border, we call that "stew meat" ____________________________________________________ | | Do you know what fordite is? It looks like a mineral but it's not. |
____________________________________________________ | Today on October 10 in 1845 The United States Naval Academy opened in Annapolis, MD. 1865 The billiard ball was patented by John Wesley Hyatt. 1886 The tuxedo dinner jacket made its U.S. debut in New York City. 1887 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Phonograph Company. 1911 China's Manchu dynasty was overthrown by revolutionaries under Sun Yat-sen. 1913 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson triggered the explosion of the Gamboa Dike that ended the construction of the Panama Canal. 1933 Dreft, the first synthetic detergent, went on sale. 1938 Nazi Germany completed its annexation of Czechoslovakia's Sudetenland. 1943 Chaing Kai-shek took the oath of office as the president of China. 1957 U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower apologized to Komla Agbeli Gbdemah, the finance minister of Ghana, after the official had been refused service in a Dover, DE, restaurant. 1959 Pan American World Airways announced the beginning of the first global airline service. 1963 A dam burst in Italy killing 3,000 people. 1965 The Red Baron made his first appearance in the "Peanuts" comic strip. 1973 Fiji became independent after nearly a century of British rule. 1984 The U.S. Congress passed the 2nd Boland Amendment which outlawed solicitation of 3rd-party countries to support the Contras. The amendment barred the use of funds available to CIA, defense, or intelligence agencies for "supporting, directly or indirectly, military or paramilitary operations in Nicaragua by any nation, group, organization or individual." 1987 Tom McClean finished rowing across the Atlantic Ocean. He set the record at 54 days and 18 hours. 1991 The United States cut all foreign aid to Haiti in reaction to a military coup that forced President Jean-Claude Aristide into exile. 1994 Lt. Gen. Raoul Cedras resigned as Haiti's commander-in- chief of the army and pledged to leave the country. 1994 Iraq announced it was withdrawing its forces from the Kuwaiti border. No signs of a pullback were observed. 1997 The Guggenheim Museum in Bilbao, Spain, opened to the public. Architect Frank Gehry designed the 450 ft. long and 98 ft. wide building. 2001 U.S. President George W. Bush presented a list of 22 most wanted terrorists. 2003 Rush Limbaugh annouced that he was addicted to painkillers and that he was going to check into a rehab center. 2010 In China, Canton Tower opened to the public. 2016 Do smiled. |
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