Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, December 19 Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award: Indiana car jacking victim shot back Car jacker seriously injured and arrested ______________________________________________________ Today, December 19 in 1871 Corrugated paper was patented by Albert L. Jones. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
[Abstract art is] a product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered. --- Al Capp (1909 - 1979) The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe ______________________________________________________ Contemporary Latin Phrases: "Domino vobiscum." (The pizza guy is here.) "Auda similarum ad seattles." (They all sound just like Pearl Jam.) "Sharpei diem." (Seize the wrinkled dog.) "Nucleo predicus dispella conducticus." (Remove foil before microwaving.) "Il guyus nissanem iste ickye." (That Nissan guy gives me the creeps.) "Bodicus mutilatimus, unemploymi ad infinitum." (Better take the nose ring out before the job interview.) "Motorolus interruptus." (Hold on, I'm going into a tunnel.) "Veni, vidi, Pesci." (I came, I saw, I moidered da bum.) "Revelare Pecunia!" (Show Me The Money!) "Sic semper tyrannus." (Your dinosaur is ill.) "No Quid Pro Quo." (I'm Sorry, We're All Out of Quid.) "Nunc Tutus Exitus Computarus." (It's Now Safe To Turn Off Your Computer.) "Veni, Vidi, Velcro" (I came; I saw; I stuck around.) "Et tu, pluribus unum?" (The government just stabbed me in the back!) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome - one has a cross in front of him; the other one the Star of David. Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross. A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none to the beggar behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says, "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. I! n fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite." The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said: "Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A good friend of mine warned me that, as my three daughters became old enough to date, I'd disapprove of every young man who took them out. But when the time came, I was pleased that my friend's prediction was wrong. Each boy was pleasant and well mannered. Talking to my daughter Joanna one day, I said that I liked all the young men she and her sisters brought home. "You know, Dad," she replied, "we don't show you everybody." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by (Mug shot is from a previous arrest) Derrick Hart Lawrence, Indiana Indiana car jacking victim shot back Car jacker seriously injured and arrested Carjackers and other petty criminals often think that being armed puts them in charge, but an incident in Indiana has once again shown that the Second Amendment can quickly transform a predator into prey. On Thursday, a would-be robber jumped into another person's car during broad daylight. The accused criminal, later identified as Derrick Hart, flashed a gun and demanded money. Hart had made a grave miscalculation. The victim in the car was also armed, and willing to put up a fight. According to WXIN News, the driver of the car told Hart that he didn't have any cash, and was then ordered at gunpoint to drive to a nearby Chase Bank ATM. The victim complied, but was hatching a plan of his own. At the time, an armored vehicle was stocking the branch's ATMs, so the victim attempted to steer towards it hoping to find help. When the robber told the victim to avoid the truck, a fight broke out, the station reported. The robbery victim grabbed his gun and they started fighting in the vehicle in very close quarters over that gun, Deputy Chief Gary Woodruff said. As the two men were fighting, the car crashed into a fence and both the robber and the resisting victim jumped out of the vehicle. That's when the car's owner who has asked to remain anonymous drew his own concealed handgun. Unbeknownst to the robbery suspect, the victim had his own firearm and so they engaged in an exchange of gunfire, Woodruff said. Hart was shot two times, while the car owner was also injured. Luckily, nearby police officers heard the gunfire. They hear the gunfire and immediately respond, and they're able to stabilize the situation and make an almost immediate apprehension of the suspect, the deputy chief explained. Hart was placed under arrest and taken to a hospital where he was listed in serious condition. Police said he already had at least one warrant and would now be facing additional charges of armed robbery, aggravated battery and criminal confinement. Although the anonymous armed citizen was hurt, he or she is expected to be OK. We're just thankful it wasn't worse, we're thankful there was no loss of life, and thankful that there weren't any other people directly impacted as a result of this incident for sure, Woodruff said. This is the type of story that is often overlooked by the media and gun-grabbing politicians on the left. States with the largest increases in gun ownership also have the largest drops in violent crimes, gun violence expert John R. Lott Jr. summarized to the University of Chicago Press. Concealed handgun laws reduce violent crime for two reasons, Lott explained. First, they reduce the number of attempted crimes because criminals are uncertain which potential victims can defend themselves. Second, victims who have guns are in a much better position to defend themselves. While statistically rare tragedies like mass shootings dominate the headlines, incidents of legally armed citizens defending themselves are much more common and thankfully, this latest incident ended with the good guy winning. From: Fred Re: Moving mail to flash drive Dear Webby, I may be having a senior moment- But how do I save my e-mails to a flash drive???? Not new incoming mail, just the years of old mail. Thanks in advance-- FRED Dear Fred That depends on the email program you use. With Eudora, you simply drag IN.MBX and IN.TOC onto the flash drive, to get whatever you have in the IN mailbox. OUT.MBX and OUT.TOC would be your OUT mailbox. And so on. Different programs use different names, but most have two files per mailbox. If you use a 1 or 2 GB key-fob flash drive, you can easily drag all of your mailboxes to and from it. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asked. "Sweetheart," she sobbed, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out of the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again. "I found that the cat had eaten it!" "Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. We can get a new cat tomorrow." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
One day three redneck couples in a mini van are heading to Yellowstone National Park on a vacation. One couple is from Nebraska, one is from Kansas, and one is from New Jersey. They stop at a little cafe on the side of the road for breakfast. Their waitress serves them their food, and the husband from Nebraska says, "Could you pass the honey, Honey?" to whom his wife, hands over the honey. Then, the husband from Kansas says, "Could you pass the sugar, Sugar?" and she passes him the sugar. The third husband sits there for a minute, then looks at his wife and says, "Wanna pass me the bacon, porky?" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Keeping Paint Off Hinges It can be difficult to put masking tape on hinges to keep paint off them. Instead, cover them with petroleum jelly. Any paint that gets on them will be easy to wipe off, even after the paint dries. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | The Good, The Bad and The Ugly |
___________________________________________________ A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But, if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise." ___________________________________________________ Some helpful rules for better writing: 1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat) 6. Comparisons are as bad as clichs. 7. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration. 8. Be more or less specific. 9. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. 10. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 11. No sentence fragments. 12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. 14. One should NEVER generalize. 15. Don't use no double negatives. 16. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 17. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 18. The passive voice is to be ignored. 19. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice. 20. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them. 21. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 22. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly. ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about? It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she was a kid. I want these stories to be preserved. You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions "bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi'," but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers, probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put them all together into one e-book. This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that should be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format, you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the CD with family pictures and other keepsakes, making it a true heirloom. I have produced a smaller version last year. This final edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the price down to the same $10. The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice Christmas gift! Click on the book cover to get your copy or click on Heirloom Christmas Book http://webby.com/cb You can download it and give the file as a gift! ___________________________________________________ | Today December 19 in 1154 Henry II became King of England. 1562 The Battle of Dreux was fought between the Huguenots and the Catholics, beginning the French Wars of Religion. 1732 Benjamin Franklin began publishing "Poor Richard's Almanac." 1777 General George Washington led his army of about 11,000 men to Valley Forge, PA, to camp for the winter. 1842 Hawaii's independence was recognized by the U.S. 1843 Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" was first published in England. 1871 Corrugated paper was patented by Albert L. Jones. 1887 Jake Kilrain and Jim Smith fought in a bare knuckles fight which lasted 106 rounds and 2 hours and 30 minutes. The fight was ruled a draw and was halted due to darkness. 1903 The Williamsburg Bridge opened in New York City. It opened as the largest suspension bridge on Earth and remained the largest until 1924. It was also the first major suspension bridge to use steel towers to support the main cable. 1907 A coalmine explosion in Jacobs Creek, PA, killed 239 workers. 1917 The first games of the new National Hockey League (NHL) were played. Five teams made up the league: Toronto Arenas, Ottawa Senators, Quebec Bulldogs, the Montreal Canadiens and the Montreal Wanderers. 1918 Robert Ripley began his "Believe It or Not" column in "The New York Globe". 1932 The British Broadcasting Corp. began transmitting overseas with its "Empire Service" to Australia. 1957 Meredith Wilson's "The Music Man" opened at the Majestic Theatre in New York City. It ran for 1,375 shows. 1957 Air service between London and Moscow was inaugurated. 1959 Penn State's Nittany Lions beat Alabama, 7-0, in the first Liberty Bowl football game. 1959 Walter Williams died in Houston, TX, at the age of 117. He was said to be the last surviving veteran of the U.S. Civil War. 1961 "Judgment At Nuremberg" opened in New York City. 1972 Apollo 17 splashed down in the Pacific, ending the Apollo program of manned lunar landings. 1973 Johnny Carson started a fake toilet-paper scare on the "Tonight Show." 1978 Indira Gandhi was expelled from the Lok Sabha for contempt and imprisoned. 1979 ESPN televised its first NHL game. The teams were the Washington Capitals and the Hartford Whalers. 1984 Wayne Gretzky, 23, of the Edmonton Oilers, became only the 18th player in the National Hockey League (NHL) to score more than 1,000 points. 1984 Britain and China signed an accord returning Hong Kong to Chinese sovereignty on July 1, 1997. 1986 The Soviet Union announced it had freed dissident Andrei Sakharov from internal exile, and pardoned his wife, Yelena Bonner. 1989 U.S. troops invaded Panama to overthrow the regime of General Noriega. 1996 The school board of Oakland, CA, voted to recognize Black English, also known as "ebonics." The board later reversed its stance. 1997 "Titanic" opened in American movie theaters. 1998 U.S. President Bill Clinton was impeached on two charges of perjury and obstruction of justice by the U.S. House of Representatives. 1998 A four-day bombing of Iraq by British and American forces ended. 2000 The U.N. Security Council voted to impose sanctions on Afghanistan's Taliban rulers unless they closed all terrorist training camps and surrender U.S. embassy bombing suspect Osama bin Laden. 2003 Images for the new design for the Freedom Tower at the World Trade Center site were released. The building slopes into a spire that reaches 1,776 feet. 2008 U.S. President George W. Bush signed a $17.4 billion rescue package of loans for ailing auto makers General Motors and Chrysler. 2018 Do smiled. |
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