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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, February 25, in 1952, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill announced that Britain had built an atomic bomb. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: Man shot, killed his friend in north Phoenix during argument over MMA and boxing __________________________________________________ Q Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. (Soialist Doctrine) --- Quentin Crisp Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know. --- Ernest Hemingway (1899 - 1961) Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. --- Woody Allen (1935 - ) ________________________________________________ Three kids are talking about their fathers and comparing them. First kid says: "My dad is the fastest. Hes a drag racer and can do a quarter mile in 9.6 seconds." Second kid says: "Thats nothing! My dad is a fighter pilot and regularly breaks the speed of sound." Third kid says: "My dad is faster than both your dads! Hes a congressman. He finishes work at 4 oclock but is always home by lunchtime." __________________________________________________ Mother had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry- cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, "Just think, Fred, we are fifteen dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand." "Good," my dad quickly replied. "Wash it five more times and we can pay your phone bill!" __________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ At a family get together, a young boy of about 6 years of age asks his father, "What does fornication mean?" The dad is freaked out by the question and demands to know, "Where did you hear a word like that?" "From Uncle Charlie," responds the son. Dad charges off to confront his brother. Charlie doesn't have a clue what the problem is and explains that all he said was, "For-an-occasion like this I don't mind driving all the way up the valley." ________________________________________________ An old man and his wife lived deep in the hills and seldom saw many people. One day a peddler came by to sell his goods and asked the man if he or his wife wanted to buy anything. The man said, "Well, my wife ain't home. She's gone down to the creek to wash clothes, but lemme see what you got." The peddler showed him pots and pans, tools and gadgets, but the old man wasn't interested. Then the man spotted a mirror and said, "What's that?" Before the peddler could tell him it was a mirror, the old man picked it up and said, "My God, how'd you get a picture of my Pappy?" The old man was so happy, he traded his wife's best pitcher for it. The peddler left before the wife came back and spoiled his sale. The old man was worried that his wife would be mad at him for trading her best pitcher, so he hid the mirror in the barn behind some boxes of junk. He would go out to the barn 2 or 3 times a day to look at the "picture" and eventually the wife got suspicious. One day she got fed up and after he retired for the night, she went out to the barn. She saw the mirror behind the boxes, picked it up and said, "So, this is the hussy he's been foolin' around with!" ____________________________________________________ Nothern Flicker ___________________________________________________ The census taker knocked on Donna's door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age. "But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said. "Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she asked. "Certainly," he replied "Well, I'm the same age as they are," she snapped. "As old as the Hills," he intoned as he wrote on his form. ___________________________________________________ A fifth grader looked down, so her teacher asked, "What's the problem, Carol? I hope it's not homework again." "Well, uh, yes it is," replied Carol. "I made my homework paper into a paper airplane." "Carol, that wasn't a very bright thing to do," said the teacher, "but this once, I'll let you just unfold the paper and hand it in." "Oh, but that won't work," said Carol, looking even sadder. "You see, Johnny hijacked the plane, and handed it in as HIS homework!" __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sameerah Marrell, 42, Detroit, Illinois, USA A Detroit rapper's role in a $27 million tax fraud scheme landed her a prison sentence. Sameerah Marrell, also known as Sameerah Anderson, Sameerah Pickett, Crme, and Loren Boyd, was sentenced to 4 years in prison and three years of supervised release. The 42-year-old must also pay the remaining restitution $7,979,041.71. According to federal authorities, Marrell had successfully stolen $8.5 million, and the amount owed in restitution has been reduced by money, cars, and jewelry seized by the federal government and the states from Marrell during the course of this investigation. Between 2014 and April 2022, Marrell worked with others to file 122 false income tax returns to the Internal Revenue Service and Minnesota, Georgia, Maryland, Arizona, Connecticut, and Colorado state treasuries. They sought more than $13,690,341 from the IRS and $14,730,365 from the states. Marrell committed some of these offenses after she was arrested on a criminal complaint charging her with, among other things, making false claims to the IRS, authorities said. Once Marrell, who was a member of female rap group "Deuces Wild," was charged, she fled the state. She was caught in December 2022. She pleaded guilty to mail fraud, wire fraud, and committing an offense while on bond. "Ms. Marrell committed an astonishing amount of fraud against federal and state agencies. She also proved herself incorrigible, continuing her scams even after her initial arrest. We hope that todays sentence will deter both Ms. Marrell and anyone else who seeks to steal public funds for private gain," said Charles Miller, Acting Special Agent in Charge of IRS Criminal Investigation, Detroit Field Office. ____________________________________________________ An elderly woman was walking down the street when a man who was carrying out a survey stopped her. "Excuse me, Madam, we're doing a survey on peoples' attitudes towards sex." "Really!" said the woman smiling. "Could you please tell me what you think of sex on the television?" "Well," replied the woman, I suppose it is OK, as long as you don't fall off. _____________________________________________________ A well stuffed woman boarded a jet and took a seat in the first class section. The flight attendant checked her ticket and said "You're in the wrong section. This ticket is for coach. You'll have to move." The woman replied, "I'm AOC, I'm beautiful and I'm going to Miami." The attendant called for the co-pilot who checked her ticket and also told her she had to move. Again she replied,"I'm AOC, I'm beautiful and I'm going to Miami." So they told the captain. He just laughed and said she sounded like his wife and that it was no problem. He went to her seat and whispered something into her ear. She instantly got up and moved back to coach. "Captain, what did you say to get her to move?" asked the flight attendant. The captain replied, "I told her that the first class section doesn't land in Miami." _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Tanya Re: Moving to Canada Dear Webby We are more and more interested in moving to Canada. Where should I apply? Can you please sennd me the URL? Tanya Dear Tanya Look for the Canadian Embassy in your country. The people there speak your language. Tell them exactly what you want to do. They will help you and give you the links to the proper forms for your area. Have FUN! DearWebby _________________________________________________ Today, February 26 in 1815, Napoleon Bonaparte escaped from the Island of Elba. He then began his second conquest of France. 1848, The second French Republic was proclaimed. 1863, U.S. President Lincoln signed the National Currency Act. 1870, In New York City, the first pneumatic-powered subway line was opened to the public. (Beach Pneumatic Transit) 1881, S.S. Ceylon began his world-wide cruise, beginning in Liverpool, England. 1907, The U.S. Congress raised their own pay to $7500. 1916, Mutual signed Charlie Chaplin to a film contract. 1919, In Arizona, the Grand Canyon was established as a National Park with an act of the U.S. Congress. 1929, U.S. President Coolidge signed a bill creating the Grand Teton National Park. 1930, New York City installed traffic lights. 1933, A ground-breaking ceremony was held at Crissy Field for the Golden Gate Bridge. 1945, In the U.S., a nationwide midnight curfew went into effect. 1952, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill announced that Britain had built an atomic bomb. 1979, "Flatbush" debuted on CBS-TV. 1986, Corazon Aquino was inaugurated president of the Philippines. Long time President Ferdinand Marcos went into exile. 1987, The Tower Commission rebuked U.S. President Reagan for failing to control his national security staff in the wake of the Iran-Contra affair. 1987, The U.S.S.R. conducted its first nuclear weapons test after a 19-month moratorium period. 1991, Iraqi President Saddam Hussein announced on Baghdad Radio that Iraqi troops were being withdrawn from Kuwait. 1993, Six people were killed and more than a thousand injured when a van exploded in the parking garage beneath the World Trade Center in New York City. The bomb had been built by Islamic extremists. 1995, Barings PLC collapsed after a securities dealer lost more than $1.4 billion by gambling on Tokyo stock prices. The company was Britain's oldest investment banking firm. 1998, A Texas jury rejected an $11 million lawsuit by Texas cattlemen who blamed Oprah Winfrey for price drop after on-air comment about mad-cow disease. 1998, In Oregon, a health panel rules that taxpayers must help to pay for doctor-assisted suicides. 2001, A U.N. tribunal convicted Bosnian Croat political leader Dario Kordic and military commander Mario Cerkez of war crimes. They had ordered the systematic murder and persecution of Muslim civilians during the Bosnian war. 2002, In Rome, Italy, a bomb exploded near the Interior Ministry. No injuries were reported. 2009, Former Serbian president Milan Milutinovic was acquitted by the International Criminal Tribunal for the former Yugoslavia regarding war crimes during the Kosovo War. 2009, The Pentagon reveresed its 18-year policy of not allowing media to cover returning war dead. The reversal allowsd some media coverage with family approval. 2022 Do smiled. 2birds-L.jpg
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