Good Morning, Do, Today is Wednesday, July 19 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Mother arrested after leaving children in hot car and assaulting rescuer Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, July 18 in 1799 The Rosetta Stone, a tablet with hieroglyphic translations into Greek, was found in Egypt. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Think of what would happen to us in America if there were no humorists; life would be one long Congressional Record. --- Tom Masson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Three wives were bemoaning their husbands' attitudes towards leftovers. "It gets rough," one said. "My husband is a Movie Producer and he calls them 'reruns'." "You think you have it bad," was the reply. "Mine is a Quality Control Engineer and he calls them 'rejects'!" "That's nothing compared to me," said the third lady. "My husband is a mortician. He calls them 'remains'!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Driving my friend Steve and his girlfriend to the airport, I passed a billboard showing a bikini-clad beauty holding a can of beer. Steve's girlfriend glanced up at it and announced, "I suppose if I drank a six-pack of that brand, I'd look like her." "No," Steve corrected. "If I drank a six-pack, you'd look like her." ______________________________________________________ If you step back a bit, you will see the face _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ Reported by Linda An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Heather Query, 21, Indianapolis, Indiana Mother arrested after leaving children in hot car and assaulting rescuer A mother remains in jail after police say she knowingly endangered her two little boys by leaving them alone in a car with temperatures approaching 100 degrees. A total stranger found them in a parking lot outside a Kroger store on Southport Road. "They were screaming and crying. The oldest one was just pushing against the windows, just screaming, screaming, screaming. Face just blood red, tears coming down his face," says Heather Elliott, who found the boys, ages four and one, in that car. Elliot says her motherly instinct went into overdrive. "You just do what you have to do," she says. And what she says she was about to do was try and get into the car and get those boys out. "They looked like they had been there for a long time," Elliott adds. But before she could do that, Elliott says 21-year-old Heather Query, the boys' mom, came out of the south side Kroger. "I said, 'How long were you in there?' and she said, 'Excuse me?' I said, 'How long were you in that store?' I said 'It's 100 degrees outside," recounts Elliott. "She said, 'What do you care? Mind your own business' and she started cussing and came around the car and told me to mind my own business and then I said, 'I'm just concerned about your kids. I'm just thinking about the safety of your kids'." And then came something Elliott says she never expected. "She punched me and just kept coming and going so I just kept pushing back," Elliott explains. Someone called police. "I think it was 97 degrees heat index outside at that time," says IMPD Officer Anthony Schneider. "It's never suggested to leave your children in the car unattended first of all, let alone unattended when the heat index is a high as it was yesterday." Despite her bruised jaw, Elliott says she'd do the same thing again. "An adult, an animal, a child. I'd do it again. You don't think about it. You just do it. It's something that has to be done," Elliott adds. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lynn Re: MSIE Link Dear Webby, How can I put a link to a website that I use a *lot* in the Int. Explorer toolbar? I tried dragging the URL into a blank spot in the toolbar, but it didn't work (That's the way I do it in Firefox which I use most of the time; but this one particular website will only work correctly in Internet Explorer.) Thanks for any help you can give; love your humor letter! --Lynn Dear Lynn With IE the easiest way is to drag the icon from the address bar onto a blank spot on the desktop or drop it onto a desktop folder. You CAN enable links in the top bar, and drag it to there, but space there is limited, and if you narrow the window, the links are hidden. Personally, I prefer the first method and have a few shortcuts to thematic folders along the left margin of the desktop. For example, a music folder, a graphics folder, etc. Have FUN! DearWebby The two men stood on the lonely lighthouse. Through the fog they could see a small boat making its way toward them, with a lonely occupant. Suddenly a squall lifted the craft and tossed the man into the water. The two men on shore sprang into action. Hurriedly they launched their own craft and fought their way through perilous and treacherous waters to reach the man. At last they got him aboard their boat. "It's a good thing you rescued me," the dripping man said gratefully. "I was coming out to see you about your income tax......" "OOOPS! He fell overboard!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making a Borax and Honey Ant Trap By Robyn [548 Posts, 936 Comments] Sugar ants come around the kitchen and other places looking for sweet stuff to eat. Other kinds of ants follow too but I generally call them sugar ants. Here is how to make a trap to put on the counter. Supplies: 1 tsp 20 Mule Team borax* 2 cups hot water 5 Tbsp honey folded paper towel empty plastic container *Borax is an natural laundry boosting powder available in the laundry section of the store, normally on the top shelf. Steps: Dissolve the borax in hot water. Stir in the honey. Dip the folded paper towel in the solution until it is soaked completely. Press the wet paper towel in the empty plastic applesauce container. Place in a location where you have seen the ants. This bait will be eaten by the ants and taken back to the nest and will then kill the entire nest. Keep away from children by placing on a countertop where they can't reach it. ____________________________________________________ | | Alone in the Wilderness Part 1 |
____________________________________________________ A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, "Come on, a dog?" The owner says, "How about a cat?" The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!" The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it! A centipede!" The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay... I'll try a centipede." He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, "Clean the kitchen." Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and... it's immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away; the counter-tops cleaned; the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed. He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room." Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned and dusted; the pillows on the sofa plumped; plants watered. The man thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!" Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper." The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes later...no centipede. 20 minutes later... no centipede. 30 minutes later...no centipede. By this point the man is wondering what's going on. So he goes to the front door, opens it... and there's the centipede sitting right outside. The man says, "Hey!! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What's the matter?!" The centipede says, "I'm goin'! I'm goin'! I'm just putting on my shoes and my skates!" ___________________________________________________ | | WOW! I'm glad these ginormous sharks aren't around anymore! |
___________________________________________________ A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber ignored it, and takes the TV. Again, the parrot cries out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber started to get a little worried. "What's your name, birdie?" "Moses." "What dummy named you Moses?" "The same dummy who called his Rottweiler Jesus." | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and an advertisement on the net were the main reasons for the long line that formed in front of the store long before 8:30, the store's opening time. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw by an irate grandmother and knocked around a bit, then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line: "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!" ____________________________________________________ | Today, on July 19, in 1525 The Catholic princes of Germany formed the Dessau League to fight against the Reformation. 1553 Fifteen-year-old Lady Jane Grey was deposed as Queen of England after claiming the crown for nine days. Mary, the daughter of King Henry VIII, was proclaimed Queen. 1788 Prices plunged on the Paris stock market. 1799 The Rosetta Stone, a tablet with hieroglyphic translations into Greek, was found in Egypt. 1848 The Women's Rights Convention took place in Seneca Fall, NY. Bloomers were introduced at the convention. 1870 France declared war on Prussia. 1939 Dr. Roy P. Scholz became the first surgeon to use fiberglass sutures. 1942 German U-boats were withdrawn from positions off the U.S. Atlantic coast due to effective American anti- submarine countermeasures. 1943 During World War II, more than 150 B-17 and 112 B-24 bombers attacked Rome for the first time. 1946 Marilyn Monroe acted in her first screen test. 1971 In New York, the topping out ceremony for Two World Trade Center (South Tower) took place. The ceremony for One World Trade Center had taken place on December 23, 1970. 1975 The Apollo and Soyuz spacecrafts separated after being linked in orbit for two days. 1979 In Nicaragua, the dictatorship of the Somozas was overthrown by the Sandinista National Liberation Front 1982 The U.S. Census Bureau reported that 14% of the population had an income below the official poverty level in 1981. 1985 George Bell won first place in a biggest feet contest with a shoe size of 28-1/2. Bell, at age 26, stood 7 feet 10 inches tall. 1985 Christa McAuliffe of New Hampshire was chosen to be the first schoolteacher to ride aboard the space shuttle. She died with six others when the Challenger exploded the following year. 2017 Do smiled. |
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