Good Morning, Do, Today is Tuesday, April 3 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida woman said her feelings were hurt during DUI stop Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, April 3 in 1942 The Japanese began their all-out assault on the U.S. and Filipino troops at Bataan. See More of what happened on this day in history.
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 ______________________________________________________ A timid person is frightened before a danger, a coward during the time, and a courageous person afterward. --- Jean Paul Richter (1763 - 1825) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A group of American tourists were being guided through an ancient castle in Europe. "This place," the guide told them, "is 1600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years." "Wow," said one woman dryly, "they must have the same landlord I have." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods, then hit into a few trees, then proceeded to hit across the fairway into another woods. Finally, after banging away several more times, he proceeded to hit into a sand trap. All the while, he'd noticed that the club professional had been watching. "What club should I use now?" he asked the pro. "I don't know," the pro replied. "What game are you playing?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Nicole Johnson, 46, St Johns County, Floriduh  Florida woman said her feelings were hurt during DUI stop  A 46-year-old St. Johns County woman faces charges of DUI and negligence after she was stopped while drinking vodka in the car on County Road 210, a report said. Nicole Johnson had her 7-year-old son in the car during the midday stop on March 19, the St. Johns County Sheriff's Office said. taken into custody of the Florida Department of Children and Families. Deputies said Johnson was driving all over the road and finally stopped her vehicle near at I-95 and County Road 210. She fell down multiple times while being questioned, the report said. Johnson was spotted with a clear liquid in the center console of the car. Johnson admitted the clear liquid was new Amsterdam Vodka. While she was being taken to jail, Johnson repeatedly said her feelings were hurt and that she "didn't want to kill them, but knew we had to but it hurt her feelings." Johnson was referring to chickens, the report said. Johnson refused to take a breath test. She was taken to Flagler Hospital to be checked out before she was returned to the St. Johns County Jail. Johnson was released on $2,500 bond.   Tech Support Pits From: Ev Re: Newsletter in spam folder  Dear Webby's Humor Letter - Daily Newsletter Hi---I think I am subscribed to your "Webby" newsletter and = humor......However, the copy you sent ended up in my Spam section and I jsut discovered it...Can you find a way to bypass the Spam problem for me....I would enjoy the newsleter.. Ev  Dear Ev All I do is write and send the Humor Letter out to you. Once it has entered the Peoplepc.com server, there is nothing more that I can do about it. How you set your spam controls, that is entirely up to you. If you want, you can contact peoplepc support and get them to help you correct your spam control settings. Have FUN DearWebby    There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'" The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play, he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally, the time comes. The curtain goes up, the actor walks onto the stage, and with great passion delivers the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress." The theatre erupts. The audience is screaming with laughter, but the director is steaming! "You bloody fool!" he cries. "You have ruined me!" The actor is bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?" "No!" screams the director. "You forgot the rose!" 
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 There are three religious truths: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters 
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 The stockbroker's secretary answered his phone one morning. "I'm sorry," she said, "Mr. Bradford's on another line." "This is Mr. Ingram's office," the caller said. "We'd like to know if he's bullish or bearish right now." "He's talking to his wife," the secretary replied. "Right now I'd say he's sheepish." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baking Bacon Cooking bacon in the oven allows you to cook large quantities of bacon quickly. Just line a cookie sheet with aluminum foil and lay your bacon flat. Cook at 400 degrees F for 15 to 20 minutes.  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________  What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.  
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 ___________________________________________________ Morris walks into an insurance office and asks for a job. "We don't need anyone" they replied. "You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone, anytime, anything!" "Well we have two prospects that No One has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job." He was gone about two hours, and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000.00 and another for $50,000.00. "How in the world did you do that ?" they asked. "I told you I'm the worlds best salesman, I can sell anyone, anywhere, anytime!" "Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him. "What's that?" he asked. "Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000.00 the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples." Morris was gone about 6 hours and they were fixing to close when in he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down, and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine, and sets them on the desk and says "Here's Mr.Brown's and this one is Mr.Smith's." "Thats good" they said, "but what's in those two buckets?" "Well, I passed by the Holiday Inn and they were having a state teachers convention, so I stopped and sold them a group policy!" ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, April 3 in 1513 Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon landed in Florida. He had sighted the land the day before. 1776 George Washington received an honorary Doctor of Laws degree from Harvard College . 1829 James Carrington patented the coffee mill. 1860 The first Pony Express riders left St. Joseph, MO and Sacramento, CA. The trip across country took about 10 days. The Pony Express only lasted about a year and a half. 1865 Union forces occupy Confederate capital of Richmond, Virginia. 1866 Rudolph Eickemeyer and G. Osterheld patented a blocking and shaping machine for hats. 1882 The American outlaw Jesse James was shot in the back and killed by Robert Ford for a $5,000 reward. There was later controversy over whether it was actually Jesse James that had been killed. 1910 Alaska's Mt. McKinley, the highest mountain in North America was climbed. 1933 First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt informed newspaper reporters that beer would be served at the White House. This followed the March 22 legislation that legalized "3.2" beer. 1936 Richard Bruno Hauptmann was executed for the kidnapping and death of the son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh. 1942 The Japanese began their all-out assault on the U.S. and Filipino troops at Bataan. 1946 Lt. General Masaharu Homma, the Japanese commander responsible for the Bataan Death March, was executed in the Philippines. 1948 U.S. President Harry Truman signed the Marshall Plan to revive war-torn Europe. It was $5 billion in aid for 16 countries. 1967 The U.S. State Department said that Hanoi might be brainwashing American prisoners. They did Traitor McCain. 1968 Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his "mountaintop" speech just 24 hours before he was assassinated. 1968 North Vietnam agreed to meet with U.S. representatives to set up preliminary peace talks. 1972 Charlie Chaplin returned to the U.S. after a twenty-year absence. 1979 Jane Byrne became the first female mayor in Chicago. 1983 It was reported that Vietnamese occupation forces had overrun a key insurgent base in western Cambodia. 1985 The U.S. charged that Israel violated the Geneva Convention by deporting Shiite prisoners. 1986 The U.S. national debt hit $2 trillion. 1987 Riots disrupted mass during the Pope's visit to Santiago, Chili. 1996 An Air Force jetliner carrying Commerce Secretary Ron Brown crashed in Croatia, killing all 35 people aboard. 1996 Unabomber suspect Theodore Kaczynski was arrested. He pled guilty in January 1998 to five Unabomber attacks in exchange for a life sentence without chance for parole. 2010 The first Apple iPad was released. 2018 Do smiled. 
 
 

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