Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, October 24 home4christmas.com is for sale! Make an offer! $50 minimum. You can use it for anything you want. Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award: Alabama mother charged after 5 children test positive for cocaine ______________________________________________________ Today, October 24 in 1939 Nylon stockings were sold to the public for the first time in Wilmington, DE. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days. --- Garrison Keillor (1942 - ) ______________________________________________________5 Dear Ma and Pa: Am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Army beats working for old man Minch. Tell them to join up quick before all the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m.( but am getting so I like to sleep late. All you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things -- no hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. The guys have to shave, but they say it is not bad in warm water, and after I thumped a few of them, they don't tell nobody about why I don't need to shave. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, beef, ham steak, fried eggplant, pie and regular food, but you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches," which, the Sgt. says, are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is a casual stroll about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys all get sore feet and we ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat. The Sgt. is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Kernels. and Generals just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why, the bull's-eye is near big as a chipmonk and don't move and it ain't shooting at you, like the Higsett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it, you don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes. Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer and Mary to hurry and join before others get onto this setup and come stampeding in. Your loving daughter, Pat ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The Installation Commander and his wife were out having dinner at the officers club a good-looking blonde came over and open-mouth kissed the husband right in front of the wife and said "I'll see you tomorrow for a nooner right sweetie?" And walked away. The wife couldn't believe her eyes, "Who was that?" She demanded. He replied: "My mistress" The wife then told her husband she wanted a divorce. "That's fine," Said the base commander. "But that means no more shopping at the commissary and base exchange, no more assignments in Europe, and you'll no longer be president of the Officer's Wives Club, and won't be able to lord it over the other wives." At that moment in walked a colonel with a woman on his arm. When the wife asked who the woman with the colonel was the base commander said, "That's Peter's mistress" The wife looked back at colonel and his mistress and grinned, "Ours is prettier." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Great Comeback This has got to be the all-time classic comeback. This is a recount of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who's about to sponsor a boy scout troop visiting his military installation. (Note: While this has been presented as a "true story" for several years, some people dispute that it actually happened). FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?" GENERAL REINWALD: "We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting." FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?" GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range." FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?" GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how, ....we will be teaching them proper rifle range discipline before they ever touch a firearm." FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers." GENERAL REINWALD: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you? The radio went silent and the interview ended. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Darlene Mullen wore the stolen jacket when she arrived at court to be sentenced for other shoplifting charges Darlene Mullen,26, from Perth, Scotland Woman arrested for stealing Primark coat on her way to shoplifting court case A shoplifter has been arrested after she stole a coat from Primark on her way to court. Darlene Mullen from Perth, Scotland, was wearing the stolen jacket when she arrived at court to be sentenced for other shoplifting charges. The 26-year-old was caught on camera asking staff at the court to help her remove the security tag from the coat. Solicitor David Holmes, defending Darlene, asked Perth Sheriff Court to give her a community sentence and said she was on the right track and was dealing with her criminal behaviour. But Sheriff Lindsay Foulis said: 'Let me stop you right there. She was supposed to be here at 10am on 19 September to be sentenced by my brother sheriff for shoplifting. 'At 10.25am she stopped off on her way here to steal a coat from Primark. You can hardly tell me that is her being on the right track.' He said he had no option but to jail Darlene after she admitted stopping off to steal the coat from Primark after being caught cold during Storm Ali last month. She had already been spotted on CCTV and was recognised by her distinctive red wellington boots before she was arrested on the court steps. The court was told last month that she was unable to appear because she had been arrested a short time before her case called. She then appeared from custody and admitted stealing clothing from Primark on 19 September, while she was on bail. She also admitted being in possession five wraps of heroin worth around 100 when she was arrested. Fiscal depute Carol Whyte told the court: 'The item was valued at 25.. When the accused was arrested at court she was wearing the jacket. 'Although it was not in a re-saleable condition, I doubt she still has it.' Co-accused Natalie Radunski, 22, also appeared from custody alongside Darlene and admitted stealing items of clothing from Primark. A court source said: 'It takes some nerve to stop off on the way to court to steal a jacket because you haven't dressed warm enough to cope with the storm. 'It was absolutely tipping down when they arrived at court and Darlene hadn't even taken the label and price tag off the jacket she had stolen. To hand the tags over to the security staff on the door at the court might not have been the brightest idea she ever had. 'There was already an alert out for her after she was spotted leaving Primark and her bright red wellies made it pretty easy for the police to identify her.' Natalie, also of Nimmo Place, Perth, was jailed for four months yesterday. From: Eric Re: Nigerian Scams Dear Webby I can't believe that people are still falling for these Nigerian Scams. Do you recommend forwarding them to the FTC as well as getting them over to Spam Cop? Eric Dear Eric They still fall for Hillary too. And Pelosi. FTC is a total waste of time. They pick one or two celebrity cases a year, and with all the other complaints they just make pretty graphs. SpamCop is sometimes effective, in that they complain to the ISP of the sender. Some ISPs stomp on them. They come onto Facebook too, and claim to have some good news for you. Whenever you see that phrase "good news" or that you have won, or that there is money for you, dump and block. They all promise something ridiculous, but first you have to sign up with their "lawyer" and pay a fee. The technical term is 419 (advance fee). Totally illegal. But since the crooks are hiding in Nigeria, not much happens to them. I read that 39% of the Nigerian GDP is from 419 scams. Just dump and block. No point wasting time on them. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Murals Inlet, S.C., bills itself as the "Seafood Capital of South Carolina." It has so many seafood restaurants that it is hard to decide which one to choose. My wife and I were trying to do just that when we came upon, of all things, a steakhouse. It seemed busy, perhaps because it had adapted to its environment. A sign out front read: "Catch of the Day -- COW!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
I'm a counselor who helps coordinate support groups for visually impaired adults. Many participants have a condition known as macular degeneration, which makes it difficult for them to distinguish facial features. I had just been assigned to a new group and was introducing myself. Knowing that many in the group would not be able to see me well, I jokingly said, "For those of you who can't see me, I've been told that I look like a cross between Paul Newman and Robert Redford." Immediately, one woman called out, "We're not THAT blind!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Make Your Own Chip Bags Rather than buy the more expensive little bags, just buy a large bag and transfer them to smaller bags yourself. This works well for school and work lunches and dieting. Large bags of chips tend to be much cheaper than the smaller pre-packaged alternative. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Barkcloth, a fabric made from Fig trees. |
___________________________________________________ A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "when did you bag him?" The host said, "that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife and her mother." "What's he stuffed with?" asked the visiting hunter. "My mother-in-law" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A guy took a girl out on her first date. When they pulled off into a secluded area around midnight, the girl said, "My mother told me to say no to everything." "Well," he said, "do you mind if I put my arm around you?" "Uhhh . . . no," the girl replied. "Do you mind if I put my other hand on your leg?" "N-n-no," the girl stammered. "You know," Barry said, "We're going to have a lot of fun if you're on the level about this." | Today October 24 in 1648 The Holy Roman Empire was effectively destroyed by the Peace of Westphalia that brought an end to the Thirty Years War. 1795 The country of Poland was divided up between Austria, Prussia, and Russia. 1836 Alonzo D. Phillips received a patent for the phosphorous friction safety match. 1861 The first transcontinental telegraph message was sent when Justice Stephen J. Field of California transmitted a telegram to U.S. President Lincoln. 1901 Daredevil Anna Edson Taylor became the first person to go over Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. She was 63 years old. 1929 In the U.S., investors dumped more than 13 million shares on the stock market. The day is known as "Black Tuesday." 1931 The upper level of the George Washington Bridge opened for traffic between New York and New Jersey. 1939 Nylon stockings were sold to the public for the first time in Wilmington, DE. 1940 In the U.S., the 40-hour workweek went into effect under the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938. 1945 The United Nations (UN) was formally established less than a month after the end of World War II. 1948 The term "cold war" was used for the first time. It was in a speech by Bernard Baruch before the Senate War Investigating Committee. 1960 All remaining American-owned property in Cuba was nationalized. The process of nationalizing all U.S. and foreign- owned property in Cuban had begun on August 6, 1960. That act did not go over well in the US. 1962 During the Cuban Missile Crisis, U.S. military forces went on the highest alert in the postwar era in preparation for a possible full-scale war with the Soviet Union. The U.S. blockade of Cuba officially began on this day. 1969 Richard Burton bought his wife Elizabeth Taylor a 69-carat Cartier diamond ring for $1.5 million. Burton presented the ring to Taylor several days later. 1986 Britain broke off relations with Syria after a Jordanian was convicted in an attempted bombing. The evidence in the trial led to the belief that Syria was involved in the attack on the Israeli jetliner. 1992 The Toronto Blue Jays became the first non-U.S. team to win the World Series. 2001 The U.S. House of Representatives approved legislation that gave police the power to secretly search homes, tap all of a person's telephone conversation and track people's use of the Internet. 2001 The U.S. stamp "United We Stand" was dedicated. 2001 NASA's 2001 Mars Odyssey spacecraft successfully entered orbit around Mars. 2002 Microsoft Corp. and Walt Disney Co. announced the release of an upgraded MSN Internet service with Disney content. 2003 In London, the last commercial supersonic Concorde flight landed. 2018 Do smiled. |
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