Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, January 9 On Tomorrow, Friday, Jan 10, I have to go to Calgary for injections into my eyeballs. Yeah, when it rains, it pours! That means no newsletters on Saturday, Sunday or Monday. By Monday hopefully the Refurb will be here, and I can set it up, and work without having to reboot every 7 minutes. In my next life, I won't touch computers. I think I will work as a miner. That was my happiest time in life. Just blowing up rocks and crushing them. Very relaxing. ___________________________________________________ Today, January 9 in 1902 New York State introduced a bill to outlaw flirting in public. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Kansas man chokes girlfriend after she claimed his fart smelled horrible __________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ Life is just one damned thing after another. --- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915) Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. --- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001), _______________________________________________ A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt very ignorant about all the new technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials. "Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing," she said. "So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning machine." ________________________________________________` ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christopher Ragsdale, Wichita Falls, Kansas Kansas man chokes girlfriend after she claimed his fart smelled horrible A Wichita Falls man was arrested Sunday for choking and headbutting his girlfriend after she stated his fart smelled horrible, according to police. Christopher Ragsdale is charged with assault family violence choking. His bond has not yet been set. On Sunday just before 2 p.m., police were called to the 3500 block of Cranbrook Lane for a disturbance. When officers arrived, the victim said they were at a friend's house sitting on the couch. The victim told police that Ragsdale farted and that she told him it smelled horrible. Ragsdale then grabbed the victim by the hair and threw on the ground, according to police. Officers said that Ragsdale then sat on her back and wrapped his arm around her neck and choked her. The girlfriend then called for her friend and told Christopher to get out before going to get her keys. Once the victim went to the other room, Christopher then yelled at her and headbutted her, according to police. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Re: Dear Webby, Dear Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?" "I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him." So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?" "Intelligence," the boss said. "What do you mean, 'intelligence'?" The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand at the last moment, and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, "That's intelligence!" The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here because of intelligence." "What's intelligence?" said the friend. The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, Take your shovel and hit my hand." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
While enjoying an Early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona truckstop, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the "good old days." Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, "Roy, aren't you and Bea celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?" "Yup, we sure are," Roy replied. "Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" another man asked. The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, "For our 25th anniversary, I took Bea to Mesa. Maybe for our 50th, I'll go down there and see how she is doing." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Use Two Shopping Lists to Save Money I think this is a money saver. Make 2 shopping lists. First a monthly list, in which items like; paper towels, TP, soap and other household items purchased, and a second weekly list for food items only. By Dawn from Henrico, VA Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun ____________________________________________________ | | Best science photos of 2019 |
___________________________________________________ An obstetrician sometimes saw rather unusual tattoos when working in labor and delivery. One patient had some type of fish tattoo on her abdomen. "That sure is an unusual looking whale," he commented. With a sad smile she replied, "It used to be a dolphin." ___________________________________________________ Printed sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handwritten sign nearby: Window frightened. ___________________________________________________ On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single." __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today January 9 in 1793 Jean-Pierre Blanchard made the first successful balloon flight in the U.S. 1799 British Prime Minister William Pitt the Younger introduced income tax, at two shillings (10p) in the pound, to raise funds for the Napoleonic Wars. 1861 The state of Mississippi seceded from the United States. 1894 The New England Telephone and Telegraph Company put the first battery-operated switchboard into operation in Lexington, MA. 1902 New York State introduced a bill to outlaw flirting in public. 1905 In Russia, the civil disturbances known as the Revolution of 1905 forced Czar Nicholas II to grant some civil rights. 1929 The Seeing Eye was incorporated in Nashville, TN. The company's purpose was to train dogs to guide the blind. 1936 The United States Army adopted the semi-automatic rifle. 1969 The supersonic aeroplane Concorde made its first trial flight, at Bristol. 1972 The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth was destroyed by fire in Hong Kong harbor. 1972 British miners went on strike for the first time since 1926. 1981 Hockey Hall of Famer, Phil Esposito, announced that he would retire as a hockey player after the New York Rangers- Buffalo Sabres hockey game. The game ended in a tie. (NHL) 1986 Kodak got out of the instant camera business after 10 years due to a loss in a court battle that claimed that Kodak copied Polaroid patents. 1995 Russian cosmonaut Valeri Poliakov, 51, completed his 366th day in space aboard the Mir space station, breaking the record for the longest continuous time spent in outer space. 1997 Tamil rebels attacked a military base in Sri Lanka. 200 soldiers and 140 rebels were killed. 2002 The U.S. Justice Department announced that it was pursuing a criminal investigation of Enron Corp. The company had filed for bankruptcy on December 2, 2001. 2003 Archaeologists announced that they had found five more chambers in the tomb of Qin Shihuang, China's first emperor. The rooms were believed to cover about 750,000 square feet. 2007 Steve Jobs, Apple Inc.'s CEO, announced the first generation iPhone. 2019 Do smiled. |
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