Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, March 8 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Cops arrest man after investigation results in discovery of drugs, weapons, money in his residence ___________________________________________________ Today, March 8 in 1855 A train passed over the first railway suspension bridge at Niagara Falls, NY. ____________________________________________________ Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead. --- Charles Bukowski (1920 - 1994) ____________________________________________________ The father watched through the window as his young daughter made a snowman with a little friend. Entertained by the sight, he went closer and heard the little neighbor boy say: "I've got an idea. To finish it off, I'll go to the kitchen and find a carrot." His daughter replied, "Make it two. The second can be his nose." ____________________________________________________ A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of shopping. Do found it and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are 20 $1 bills." Do replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I returned a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward." ____________________________________________________ Canada ___________________________________________________ Richard, a neighbor down the street was home every day, sitting on his porch. After a few weeks I asked him what was going on. He replied, "I left my job because of illness and fatigue in management." A few weeks later, his wife gave me the real truth of what happened. Turns out his boss got sick and tired of him. __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Fausto Pina, 31, Fresno, California, USA Cops arrest man after investigation results in discovery of drugs, weapons, money in his residence A man was arrested after an investigation resulted in the discovery of weapons and drugs, including 86 pounds of methamphetamine, within his southeast Fresno residence, according to Fresno Police. Detectives attached to the Multi-Agency Gang Enforcement Consortium developed information regarding a large number of illegal drugs being distributed within the city, said Lt. Robert Beckwith. Police narcotics detectives and agents from the Drug Enforcement Administration followed up on the information and identified the location. Further investigation confirmed that narcotics and weapons were being concealed and stored there. On Monday, law enforcement officials surveilled the location in a residential area near Chestnut and Butler avenues and witnessed Fausto Pina, 31, leaving the area, Beckwith said. He had an outstanding felony warrant for robbery and was also on probation for robbery. MAGEC detectives tried to stop Pina but he ran from them until he was apprehended a short time later. A search warrant was authorized for Pinas residence while he was arrested and booked into the Fresno County Jail on evidence seized and for also being an ex-felon in possession of a firearm and ammunition, Beckwith said. Officials found the following within Pinas residence: Approximately 86 pounds of methamphetamine Approximately 1 kilogram of cocaine Approximately 1 pound of black tar heroin .38 special revolver (unregistered) Remington 700 / 30-06 rifle with scope (unregistered) AR-15 assault rifle Ghost Gun Over 200 rounds of live ammunition Over $23,000 in cash seized as asset forfeiture One vehicle was seized under asset forfeiture DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Buzzy Re: No Task bar Dear Webby ===== From the 123clickit.com Tech Support pits ====== This customer was having problems with his internet connection. I was TRYING to help him... BUZZY: "Please click on the 'start' button." CALLER: "What 'start' button?" BUZZY: "In the lower left hand corner there is a button that says 'start'." CALLER: "There is no button." BUZZY: "You are using Windows, correct?" CALLER: "Yes. I bought a Windows machine. The button is on the right hand side, and there is a little green light next to it. You want me to push that?" BUZZY: "No sir, that's the power button. Is there a gray bar across the bottom of the screen with buttons on it?" CALLER: "There is no gray bar. It is white, and it opens, and there are buttons inside." BUZZY: "No. Sir, on the TV part of the screen, is there a gray bar that you can point at with the mouse, using the cursor that is on the screen?" CALLER: "There are some dials. There is one that has a picture of a sun on it, but I don't have any idea what those are for." BUZZY: "hmmm, well, it looks like first you will have to upgrade your computer for for one that has a grey task bar at the bottom of the screen. Give me a call when you got one of those." ===== BUZZY, From the Tech Support pits ====== Dear Have FUN! DearWebby A Yuppie was sent a ransom note saying that he was to bring $ 50,000 to the 17th hole of the country club at 10 o'clock the next day if he ever wanted to see his wive again. He didn't arrive until almost 12:30. A masked man stepped out from behind some bushes and growled, "What the heck took ya so long ? You're over two hours late." "Hey ! Give me a break." whined the Yuppie. " I have a 27 handicap and I am not used to play with artificial light." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A patient, while recovering in the hospital from a heart attack, met this over-zealous evangelist. After listening politely for over a half-hour on how thankful he should be to have been spared, and how he should repent at once, he asked if all of his sins had flashed before his eyes during the heart attack. The patient responded, "Don't be ridiculous, the attack only lasted 6 hours!" ____________________________________________ A missionary discovered a tribe of natives who had never recorded a baptism, confirmation or marriage. The missionary soon rectified the situation by baptizing and confirming everyone. He also married every couple that walked by and desired such. Later, the tribal chief told the missionary that the tribe had never had so much fun. The missionary asked the chief which part they enjoyed the most. "The marriage stuff," the chief said, smiling. "We all got new wives, and all without the oldfashioned and traditional hassles with divorce lawyers and courts and custody battles and waiting periods!" ____________________________________________ A missionary discovered a tribe of natives who had never recorded a baptism, confirmation or marriage. The missionary soon rectified the situation by baptizing and confirming everyone. He also married every couple that walked by and desired such. Later, the tribal chief told the missionary that the tribe had never had so much fun. The missionary asked the chief which part they enjoyed the most. "The marriage stuff," the chief said, smiling. "We all got new wives, and all without the oldfashioned and traditional hassles with divorce lawyers and courts and custody battles and alimonies and waiting periods!" ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ Today, March 8 in 1618 Johann Kepler discovered the third Law of Planetary Motion. 1702 England's Queen Anne took the throne upon the death of King William III. 1782 The Gnadenhutten massacre took place. About 90 Indians were killed by militiamen in Ohio in retaliation for raids carried out by other Indians. 1855 A train passed over the first railway suspension bridge at Niagara Falls, NY. 1862 The Confederate ironclad "Merrimack" was launched. 1880 U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes declared that the United States would have jurisdiction over any canal built across the isthmus of Panama. 1887 The telescopic fishing rod was patented by Everett Horton. 1894 A dog license law was enacted in the state of New York. It was the first animal control law in the U.S. 1904 The Bundestag in Germany lifted the ban on the Jesuit order of priests. 1905 In Russia, it was reported that the peasant revolt was spreading to Georgia. 1907 The British House of Commons turned down a women's suffrage bill. 1909 Pope Pius X lifted the church ban on interfaith marriages in Hungary. 1910 In France, Baroness de Laroche became the first woman to obtain a pilot's license. 1910 The King of Spain authorized women to attend universities. 1911 British Minister of Foreign Affairs Edward Gray declared that Britain would not support France in the event of a military conflict. 1917 Russia's "February Revolution" began with rioting and strikes in St. Petersburg. The revolution was called the "February Revolution" due to Russia's use of the Old Style calendar. 1921 Spanish Premier Eduardo Dato was assassinated while leaving the Parliament in Madrid. 1921 French troops occupied Dusseldorf. 1933 Self-liquidating scrip money was issued for the first time at Franklin, IN. 1941 Martial law was proclaimed in Holland in order to extinguish any anti- Nazi protests. 1942 During World War II, Japanese forces captured Rangoon, Burma. 1943 Japanese forces attacked American troops on Hill 700 in Bougainville. The battle lasted five days. 1945 Phyllis Mae Daley received a commission in the U.S. Navy Nurse Corps. She later became the first African-American nurse to serve duty in World War II. 1946 In New York City, the "Journal American" became the first commercial business to receive a helicopter license. 1946 The French naval fleet arrived at Haiphong, Vietnam. 1948 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that religious instruction in public schools was unconstitutional. 1953 A census bureau report indicated that 239,000 farmers had quit farming over the last 2 years. 1954 France and Vietnam opened talks in Paris on a treaty to form the state of Indochina. 1959 Groucho, Chico and Harpo made their final TV appearance together. 1961 Max Conrad circled the globe in a record time of eight days, 18 hours and 49 minutes in the Piper Aztec. 1965 The U.S. landed about 3,500 Marines in South Vietnam. They were the first U.S. combat troops to land in Vietnam. 1966 Australia announced that it would triple the number of troops in Vietnam. 1973 Two bombs exploded near Trafalgar Square in Great Britain. 234 people were injured. 1982 The U.S. accused the Soviets of killing 3,000 Afghans with poison gas. 1985 The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) reported that 407,700 Americans were millionaires. That was more than double the total from just five years before. 1986 Four French television crewmembers were abducted in west Beirut. All four were eventually released. 1988 In Fort Campbell, KY, 17 U.S. soldiers were killed when two Army helicopters collided in midair. 1989 In Lhasa, Tibet, martial law was declared after three days of protest against Chinese rule. 1999 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the conviction of Timothy McVeigh for the bombing of a federal building in Oklahoma City in 1995. 1999 The White House, under President Bill Clinton, directed the firing of nuclear scientist Wen Ho Lee from his job at the Los Alamos National Laboratory. The firing was a result of alleged security violations. 2001 The U.S. House of Representatives voted for an across-the-board tax cut of nearly $1 trillion over the next decade. 2005 In norther Chechnya, Chechen rebel leader Aslan Maskhadov was killed during a raid by Russian forces. 2021 Do smiled.
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