Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, July 28 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award:Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, July 28 in 1866 The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress for the standardization of weights and measures throughout the United States. The metric system dates back to 1668. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Man is ready to die for an idea, provided that idea is not quite clear to him. --- Paul Eldridge ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: I feel inadequate when talking with a mechanic, so when my vehicle started making a strange noise, I sought help from a friend. He drove the car around the block, listened carefully, then told me how to explain the difficulty when I took it in for repair. At the shop I proudly recited, "The timing is off, and there are premature detonations, which may damage the valves." As I smugly glanced over the mechanic's shoulder, I saw him write on his clipboard, "Lady says it makes a funny noise." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Hussaini Hanging Bridge, Pakistan _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ THENIn walked a very stern looking English teacher and a hush fell over the room as the kids scurried to their seats. The stern teacher silently panned his gaze across all the kids. After about a minute or so, he spoke: "From the outset, I want you all to know that there are two words that are absolutely unacceptable in this classroom. You cannot use them as you recite, or in any of your papers, tests, or homework. Using these words even once, will get you a failing grade for that quarter. The first one is "gross". And the other one is "cool". Are there any questions?" After a few moments of silence, this gawky teen at the back of the room raises his hand, and the teacher calls upon him. In a pubescent croaking voice, the kid asks: "So, what are they?" ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gary Smith, 46, Michael Christian Simmons, 48, Southport, N.C. Entire North Carolina police department suspended after arrest of chief, lieutenant An entire police department in North Carolina was put on leave after the arrest of the departments chief and lieutenant, according to WECT. The Southport Police Departments police chief and lieutenant were arrested Thursday for allegedly moonlighting as truck drivers while officially on the clock at the police department. All police operations in the city were suspended after the arrests, and the whole police force is out on paid administrative leave. SPD Chief Gary Smith, 46, and Lt. Michael Christian Simmons, 48, face charges of conspiracy to obtain property by false pretenses, willful failure to discharge duties and obstruction of justice. Smith and Simmons are accused of driving overnight shifts for a trucking company while on the clock at the Southport Police Department. The name of the trucking company has not been released. The allegations state that the trucking jobs took to the two high-ranking officers out of the city and county while they were supposed to be on patrol in Southport. Smith was arrested Thursday morning and placed under a $10,000 unsecured bond. He posted bail and was released, WECT reports. Simmons was arrested during a Thursday afternoon news conference regarding the investigation. It is indeed that I get before you today with a heart laden with grief for all these events that happened today, said Southport Mayor Jerry Dove, according to WECT. It was a shock to me to hear all these, being a former chief and knowing the officers that worked in that department and hired at least half of them. The mayor and citys board of alderman request the Brunswick County Sheriffs Office to lead law enforcement in Southport until further notice. Tech Support Pits From: Helga Re: Numeric keys for laptop Dear Webby The numeric keypad keys on my laptop are dual-function keys embedded in the regular keyboard. It does have the numbers again on top, but I can't get any speed going with those. Is there a solution for that? Thanks Helga Dear Helga Numeric keypads used to be quite cheap, but because of the huge demand, the price went up. Honeywell sells one for $530, obviously for Government use only. However, even a Targus currently costs twice as much as a standard keyboard, that has the numeric keypad on it. I have always travelled with a standard 18" keyboard, that just fits into my laptop backpack. Those keyboards have been with me on many mountains and through most American deserts. Just find a standard keyboard, that will fit into your laptop case or backpack. They are from $12 up, and just plug into any USB port. For $50 you can even get them wireless, but that seems to me to be a waste of money, unless you plan to use a big 48" monitor 8 feet away from the couch and you being 10 feet away from the laptop. Measure your laptop case and then get a suitable keyboard at Walmart or Staples. Have FUN DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A hospital posted a notice in the nurses' break room saying: "Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous." Underneath, a nurse had written: "The last five are pretty risky, too." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
An eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical examination whereupon the doctor said "You are in fine shape for your age, but tell me, do you still have intercourse?" "Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband," she said. She went out to the reception room and said: "Jake do we still have intercourse?" Jake answered, "Nah, I told you last time already. We have Blue Cross!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Frugal Weight Loss Eat an apple and drink a full glass of water before eating dinner. Both are good for you and will allow you to feel full more quickly. This will prevent you from eating too much of the actual dinner, which may not be as good for you. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Cropmarks: How dry weather can reveal hidden archaeological sites. |
___________________________________________________ A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car. "Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by. >From around the curve they heard a big splash. "Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says 'bridge out' instead?" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
THREE BAD NUNS There were these three nuns and they were tired of being good all of the time, so they went to the priest and asked if they could be bad for one day. He said that they could do one thing wrong but they had to come straight back and tell him what they did. The first nun comes back. "And what did you do wrong, Sister?" "I mooned the rabbi next door, and nearly gave him a heart attack." "Very well, go drink holy water." The Second nun comes back shortly afterwards. "And what did you do wrong, Sister" he asks again. "I spiked the fruit punch at the bingo ." "Very well, go drink holy water." Just then the third nun comes up to the priest and again he asks, "And what did you do wrong, Sister." "I peed in the holy water." ____________________________________________________ | Today, July 28 in 1821 Peru declared its independence from Spain. 1865 The American Dental Association proposed its first code of ethics. 1866 The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress for the standardization of weights and measures throughout the United States. 1914 World War I officially began when Austria-Hungary demanded that Serbia turn over the assassin of the Austrian Crown Prince. 1932 Federal troops forcibly dispersed the "Bonus Army" of World War I veterans who had gathered in Washington, DC. They were demanding money they were not scheduled to receive until 1945. 1942 L.A. Thatcher received a patent for a coin-operated mailbox. The device stamped envelopes when money was inserted. 1945 A U.S. Army bomber crashed into the 79th floor of New York City's Empire State Building. 14 people were killed and 26 were injured. 1965 U.S. President Johnson announced he was increasing the number of American troops in South Vietnam from 75,000 to 125,000. 1982 San Francisco, CA, became the first city in the U.S. to ban handguns. 1998 Bell Atlantic and GTE announced $52 billion deal that created the second-largest phone company. 1998 Serbian military forces seized the Kosovo town of Malisevo. 1998 Monica Lewinsky received blanket immunity from prosecution to testify before a grand jury about her relationship with U.S. President Clinton. 2006 Researchers announced that two ancient reptiles had been found off Australia. The Umoonasaurus and Opallionectes were the first of their kind to be found in the period soon after the Jurassic era. 2018 Do smiled. |
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