Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, January 3 Thank you, Clyde!!! Thank you, Gene! Today's Bonehead Award:  Prison escapee arrested at Taco Bell in California  ______________________________________________________ Today, January 3 in 1871 Henry W. Bradley patented oleomargarine. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) ______________________________________________________ During their 50th anniversary wedding celebration at a banquet in their honor, my Dad was asked to give a brief account of the benefits achieved from being married for so long. My father stood up, thought for a long moment, then said, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness, and...." he paused. "What?" someone cried out from the back of the room. "...and a great many other qualities I wouldn't have needed if I'd stayed single!" my father exclaimed. ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ My husband seems to feel one should get their money's worth while on vacation. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to frolic every minute or not. But when I was lounging in a beach chair on the sand, he came out of the surf and yelled, "This is costing us $300 a day and you sit there reading a book!" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ There was this city doctor who started a practice in the countryside. He once had to go to a farm to attend to a sick farmer who lived there. After a few house calls he stopped coming to the farm. The puzzled farmer finally phoned him to ask whats the matter, didn't he like him or somethin'? The doctor said, "No, its your ducks at the entrance... every time I enter the farm, they verbally insult me and call me a Quack!" ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________   An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Shalom Mendoza, 21, San Quentin, Mexifornia  Prison escapee arrested at Taco Bell in California  Shalom Mendoza, a 21-year-old serving a five-year sentence for using a deadly weapon during a carjacking and resisting police, had disappeared from the prison on Dec. 26. Officials said he had been assigned to work outside the secured perimeter of the prison and he took advantage of an opportunity to leave. He is suspected of carjacking someone in a San Rafael-area Home Depot parking lot, then ditching the car off Interstate 101 near Paso Robles. A person spotted Mendoza at a Taco Bell in Paso Robles on Saturday afternoon, and Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation agents rushed to the scene to arrest him.  
 From: Kay Re: Free interior design program  Dear Webby, Publisher is mostly for business stuff. Biz cards, labels, website builder...etc The Office Libre Writer, as you know, will do all those things. My kids were required to have publisher as well with no substitute and bought it on campus for about $10 (student edition) This was at Texas A & M so it could have just been those Aggies. Thanks for the reply, Eddie  Dear Eddie Yes, apparently the Aggies were bribed to insist on the students buying Microsoft Office. Quite likely they get it free and pocket what they charge the students. There is nothing you can do about that. Personally I have never seen a need for Publisher. Writer does the fancy paper work stuff, and web pages as well. Writer produces nice and clean HTML, quite unlike Publisher. Fixing pages produced with Publisher is a nightmare and not something I do without a hefty fee. Web Pages produced with Libre Office Writer have HTML as clean as DreamWeaver and are a breeze to maintain and update. Libre Office is the son of Open Office. They had a palace revolution a few years ago and Libre, the Euopean version, won. They won because a lot more Europeans were using it than North Americans were using Open Office. With programs like that the amount of users basically determins the number of help requests and suggestions. Personally, I think they have done a great job and I appreciate, that it is totally free. Have FUN! DearWebby  
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 Late for work already, I was annoyed to find a strange car in my reserved parking space again. After locating a spot far away, I stormed into my office determined, to have the car towed. As the morning wore on, however, my anger cooled, and I decided to give the driver another chance. During lunchtime, I went outside and left this note on the driver's windshield: "Please don't take my parking space. If you do, and your car disappears, don't say I never towed you!" 
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 A waitress became violently ill while at work and was rushed by ambulance to the emergency room. In typical hospital fashion, she was placed on an examining table and then all but ignored for the next half-hour. Finally, she noticed a doctor out in the hall and yelled, "Please help me!" "Sorry," he replied, "it's not my table." ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Serving Wine  A sad Bassett Hound was relating his troubles to his friend. "I'm really depressed all the time and I think negative thoughts. I'm always bored, I feel listless and I am always tired." "Why not go see a psychiatrist?" suggested the friend. "Well, I would," said the Bassett Hound, "except that I'm not allowed on the couch. Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
 
 
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 ___________________________________________________ THE TEST I gave my math class covered everything we'd studied all year -- fractions, percentages and portions of whole units. But maybe I could have explained things a little better. To the question "What portion of a foot is six inches?" one student answered, "The toes?" ___________________________________________________ After ordering a milkshake, a man had to leave his seat in the restaurant to use the rest room. Since he didn't want anyone to take his shake, he took a paper napkin, wrote on it, "The world's strongest weight lifter," and left it under his glass. When he returned from making his call, the glass was empty. Under it was a new napkin with a note that said "Thanks for the treat!" It was signed, "The world's fastest runner." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A couple on a safari was going through Africa when a lion leaped out, attacking the husband. As the lion was about to put the man's head in his mouth, the victim yelled to his wife, "Shoot! Shoot!" The wife yelled back, "I can't, I'm out of space on the camera chip!" ___________________________________________________  
 Today January 3 in 1496 References in Leonardo da Vinci notebooks suggested that he tested his flying machine. The test didn't succeed and he didn't try to fly again for several years. 1521 Pope Leo X excommunicated Martin Luther. 1777 The Battle of Princeton took place in the War of Independence, in which George Washington defeated the British forces, led by Cornwallis. 1815 By secret treaty, Austria, Britain, and France formed a defensive alliance against Prusso-Russian plans to solve the Saxon and Polish problems. 1823 Stephen F. Austin received a grant from the Mexican government and began colonization in the region of the Brazos River in Texas. 1833 Britain seized control of the Falkland Islands in the South Atlantic. About 150 years later, Argentina seized the islands from the British, but Britain took them back after a 74-day war. 1868 The Shogunate was abolished in Japan and Meiji dynasty was restored. 1871 Henry W. Bradley patented oleomargarine. 1888 The drinking straw was patented by Marvin C. Stone. 1924 English explorer Howard Carter discovered the sarcophagus of Tutankhamen in the Valley of the Kings, near Luxor, Egypt. 1925 In Italy, Mussolini announced that he would take dictatorial powers. 1938 The March of Dimes was established by U.S. President Franklin Delano Roosevelt. The organization fights poliomyelitis. The original name of the organization was the National Foundation for Infantile Paralysis. 1947 U.S. Congressional proceedings were televised for the first time. Viewers in Washington, Philadelphia and New York City saw some of the opening ceremonies of the 80th Congress. 1947 In Trenton, NJ, Al Herrin, passed away at age 92. He had claimed that he had not slept at all during his life. 1953 Frances Bolton and her son, Oliver from Ohio, became the first mother-son combination to serve at the same time in the U.S. Congress. 1957 The Hamilton Watch Company introduced the first electric watch. 1959 In the U.S., Alaska became the 49th state. 1961 The U.S. severed diplomatic relations with Cuba. 1962 Pope John XXIII excommunicated Cuban prime minister Fidel Castro. 1967 Jack Ruby died in a Dallas, TX, hospital. 1973 The Columbia Broadcasting System (CBS) sold the New York Yankees to a 12-man syndicate headed by George Steinbrenner for $10 million. 1980 Conservationist Joy Adamson, author of "Born Free," was killed in northern Kenya by a servant. 1984 A woman died at Disneyland after falling from a ride. She had apparently unfastened her seatbelt while on the Matterhorn bobsled. 1988 Margaret Thatcher became the longest-serving British Prime Minister in the 20th century. 1990 Ousted Panamanian leader Manuel Noriega surrendered to U.S. forces, 10 days after taking refuge in the Vatican's diplomatic mission. 1991 The British government announced that seven Iraqi diplomats, another embassy staff member and 67 other Iraqis were being expelled from Britain. 1995 WHO reported that the cumulative total of officially reported cases of AIDS had risen to 1,025,073 in 192 countries as at the end of 1994. 1998 China announced that it would spend $27.7 billion to fight erosion and pollution in the Yangtze and Yellow river valleys. 1999 Israeli authorities detained, and later expelled, 14 members of Concerned Christians. Israili officials claimed that the Denver, CO-based cult was plotting violence in Jerusalem to bring about the Second Coming of Christ. 2001 The ATF (Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms) charged the "Texas 7" with weapons violations. An autopsy showed that Office Aubrey Hawkins, killed by the convicts, had been shot 11 times and run over with a vehicle. 2004 NASA's Spirit rover landed on Mars. The craft was able to send back black and white images three hours after landing. 2018 Do smiled. 
 

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