Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, October 3 ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Woman Nabbed For Lewd Act At 7-Eleven _____________________________________________________ Today, October 3 in 1990 The Berlin Wall was dismantled eleven months after the borders between East and West Germany were dissolved. The unification of Germany ended 45 years of division. _____________________________________________________ A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. --- Bill Vaughan _____________________________________________________ A woman came into my pharmacy with a shopping list. As she asked for items such as hair spray and toothpaste, I inquired what size of each she wanted. Everything was going well until she requested a bottle of Pepto-Bismol. I was surprised when, in response to my usual question, "What size?" she said, "What size would you suggest? I'm only having four for dinner." _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ While I was shopping in the mall with my three children, a display in the window of a lingerie store caught my eye. "Do you think Daddy would like this?" I asked the kids, as I pointed to the lacy pijamas with matching robe. "No way," my horrified six-year-old son replied. "Daddy would NEVER wear that!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Vanessa Lee Jones, 28, St. Petersburg, Florida, USA Woman Nabbed For Lewd Act At 7-Eleven Patrons at a 7-Eleven in Florida were treated yesterday to a lewd display by a 28-year-old woman who allegedly exposed and pleasured herself near the front doors of the convenience store. Police allege that Vanessa Lee Jones did intentionally masturbate while outside a 7-Eleven in St. Petersburg around 11 AM Wednesday. Seen at right, Jones was arrested for lewd and lascivious exhibition, a felony, since she allegedly continuously rubbed her vagina in the presence of a minor. Jones, cops say, was observed by the childs uncle, who video recorded the incident which was shown to law enforcement. Jones, who denied engaging in any illicit behavior, is locked up in the county jail on $10,000 bond. In recent months, Jones has been convicted of trespassing and possession of synthetic marijuana. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Erika RE: Old Monitor Dear Webby, Don't ever lend a good monitor to son's MIL! You won't get it back. I still have an ancient 19" tube type monitor in the garage and my son says I should use that until his wife's mother brings my flat 24" monitor back. Yeah, right. Will that old tube type monitor work on my fairly new computer? Erika Dear Erika You won't get your monitor back. Send your son an invoice for replacing it. Then HE can have the old 19" boat anchor. Your "fairly new" computer COULD handle the old relic, but you would need some help to lug it in from the garage and lift it onto your desk. Try the invoice first, after finding out how much a new flat 24" costs in your town, delivered! Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ One day, a little boy visited a doctor for a vaccination. After the doctor gave him an injection, he tried to bandage the boy's arm. "I think you'd better bandage the other arm, doc!", said the boy. "But, why? I'm supposed to bandage the injected part of your arm to let your friends know not to touch it." "Doc, you really don't know anything about the bozos I go to school with!" ____________________________________________ Wanting to sell Bibles, a man went to the nearest bookstore and said to the owner, "I'd like to have ten Bibles, please." The owner handed the man the Bibles and the following day, the man returned to the store and asked for twenty more. "Twenty Bibles!" exclaimed the owner. "I just gave you ten yesterday. What did you do with them?" "I sold them," the man announced proudly. So, the owner gave him an additional twenty Bibles. A couple of days later, the man returned to the store and asked for thirty Bibles. "Thirty Bibles!" gasped the owner. "How are you managing to sell so many Bibles?" The man explained that he had a stuttering problem. "I go door to door and ask, 'Hi. Do you w-w-want to b-b-b-buy a B-B-B-Bible? If you don't w-w- want to b-b-b-buy a B-B-B-Bible, I can always r-r-r-read it to you!" ____________________________________________ A handyman, who was working for a synagogue in Allentown, PA, asked for a raise and was flatly refused. So, he quit his job and went out searching for work. First, he went to a Baptist church. The minister told him that in order to get a job there, he would have to answer one question. "Where was Jesus born?" the minister asked. The handyman answered, "Pittsburgh," and was promptly thrown out. He then went to a Catholic church and was told that in order to work there, he would have to answer one question. "Where was Jesus born?" the priest asked. "Philadelphia," the handyman answered. Again, he was thrown out. As he continued his search, he met up with the rabbi who happened to be looking for him. "I've been looking everywhere for you," exclaimed the rabbi. "The board has approved your raise. Please, come back immediately." "I will come back," the handyman replied, "but only if you answer one question. Where was Jesus born?" "Bethlehem," the rabbi replied. "Aha!" cried the handyman. "I knew it was somewhere in Pennsylvania!" ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today October 3 in 1888 "The Yeomen of the Guard" was performed for the first time. It was the first of 423 shows. 1893 The motor-driven vacuum cleaner was patented by J.S. Thurman. 1901 The Victor Talking Machine Company was incorporated. After a merger with Radio Corporation of America the company became RCA- Victor. 1906 W.T. Grant opened a 25-cent department store. 1929 The Kingdom of Serbs, Croats and Slovenes officially changed its name to the Kingdom of Yugoslavia. 1932 Iraq was admitted into the League of Nations leading Britain to terminate their mandate over the nation. Britain had ruled Iraq since taking it from Turkey during World War I. 1935 Italian forces invaded Abyssinia (now Ethiopia). 1941 Adolf Hitler stated in a speech that Russia was "broken" and they "would never rise again." 1942 The Office of Economic Stabilization was established by U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt. He also authorized controls on rents, wages, salaries and farm prices. 1944 During World War II, U.S. troops broke through the Siegfried Line. 1951 CBS-TV aired the first coast-to-coast telecast of a prizefight. Dave Sands defeated Carl Olson at Soldier Field in Chicago. 1952 Britain became the third nuclear power in the world when they successfully detonated their first atomic bomb. The U.S. and Russia were the only other nuclear powers. 1955 "Captain Kangaroo" premiered on CBS-TV. 1955 "The Mickey Mouse Club" premiered on ABC-TV. 1962 The Sigma VII blasted off from Cape Canaveral for a nine- hour flight. 1962 The play, "Stop the World, I Want to Get Off!" opened on Broadway. 1981 Irish Nationalist in Maze Prison in Belfast, Northern Ireland called off their hunger strike. The strike had lasted 7 months and ten people had died. 1988 The space shuttle Discovery landed safely after its four-day mission. It was the first American shuttle mission since the Challenger disaster. 1989 East Germany suspended unrestricted travel to Czechoslovakia in an effort to slow the flow of refugees to the West. 1990 The Berlin Wall was dismantled eleven months after the borders between East and West Germany were dissolved. The unification of Germany ended 45 years of division. 1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein made a visit to Kuwait since his country had seized control of the oil-rich nation. 1994 The headquarters of the Haitian pro-army militia was raided by U.S. soldiers. 2003 Ray Horn, of the duo "Siegfried & Roy," was attacked by tiger during a performance. Roy survived the attack after being dragged offstage. The tiger, a 7-year-old male named Montecore, was debuting in his first show. 2006 North Korea announced that it would conduct a nuclear test as a key step in the manufacture of atomic bombs that it viewed as a deterrent against a U.S. attack. A date for the test was not announced. 2020 Do smiled. |
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