Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, March 1 Thank you Nancy! Thank you, Mike! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ N.J. teacher arrested for sexually assaulting multiple school children ___________________________________________________ Today, March 1 in 1873 E. Remington and Sons of Ilion, NY, began the manufacturing the first practical typewriter. ____________________________________________________ Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money. --- Jules Renard (1864 - 1910) ____________________________________________________ A widower, who had not got along too well with his wife while she was alive now found himself missing her desperately. He went to a psychic to see if he could contact his late wife. The psychic went into a trance. A strange breeze wafted through the darkened room, and suddenly, the man heard the unmistakable voice of his dearly departed wife. "Honey!" he cried. "Is that you?" "Yes, my husband." "Are you happy?" "Yes, my husband." "Happier than you were with me?" "Yes, my husband." "Then Heaven must be an amazing place!" "I'm not in Heaven, dear." ____________________________________________________ >from Gina Esplanade - v., to attempt an explanation while drunk. Negligent - adj., describes a condition in which you absent- mindedly answer the door in your nightie. Bustard - n., a very rude bus driver FLORIDA: If you think we can't vote, wait 'till you see us drive. FLORIDA: Viagra voters do it again and again! Btw., I am from Florida, where you can get away with anything if you have blue hair. Gina ____________________________________________________ A melanistic fox, one of the rarest animals on the planet. ___________________________________________________ Here is an old favorite: One day, farmer Jones was in town picking up supplies for his farm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and an anvil, then stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a couple of chickens and a goose. Now he had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home. The livestock dealer said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Hey, thanks!" the farmer said, and off he went. While walking he met a fair young lady. She told him she was lost, and asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1515 Mockingbird Lane?" The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I'm going to visit my brother at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let's take a short cut and go down this alley. We'll save half the time to get there". The fair young lady said, "How do I know that when we get in to the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull down my skirt, and ravish me?" The farmer said, "I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, 2 chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" The young lady said, "Easy silly! Set the goose down, put the bucket over the goose, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens!" __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gustavo Barrientos, 53, Tinton Falls, NJ, USA N.J. teacher arrested for sexually assaulting multiple school children A former elementary school teacher in Monmouth County who earlier this month was accused of sexually assaulting a 10- year-old girl is now facing charges of assaulting multiple schoolchildren, authorities said Saturday. Gustavo Barrientos, 53, of Tinton Falls, was initially charged on Feb. 14 with aggravated sexual assault against the 10-year- old and endangering the welfare of a child for allegedly showing her pornography. On Saturday, prosecutors expanded the charges, saying Barrientos assaulted multiple children. State pension records in late 2019 show Barrientos had been a teacher since 2007, and earning about $66,500 annually. Currently, Barrientos is awaiting his detention hearing in the Monmouth County Correctional Institution in Freehold. The case has been assigned to Assistant Monmouth County Prosecutor Joseph Cummings of the Offices Special Victims Bureau. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Buzzy Re: Old Tech Support Issue From the 123clickit.com Tech Support pits ====== CALLER: "I cannot log onto your Internet." BUZZY: "What error message are you getting?" CALLER: "I am not getting an error message. It just says 'Error, incorrect username or password'." BUZZY: "That IS an error message!" CALLER: "Then what does it mean?" BUZZY: "Can you read me that Error message again?" CALLER: "Incorrect user name or password." BUZZY: "Try using the password that your wife wrote on the mouse pad for you" CALLER: "Why didn't you tell me that right away instead of wasting all my time?" ===== Buzzy, From the Tech Support pits ====== dear Have FUN! DearWebby Tsineese Govelment sent whole Million boxes of Viagla to US Govelment in gestue of good will, because they he-ah that US Govelment has election plobrem! === Dudley Wong | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Reminds me of this one from Walter His neighbor was told by his doctor that he was impotent, so on the way home he bought a cadillac and a new hat. His wife asked why, and he replied: "The good doctah, nice chap, says I'm impohtent, an' since I'm goin t'be impohtent, so I rother be lookin propah an' impohtent." ____________________________________________ Two guys were at a bar talking about how highly their wives thought of them.The first guy said, "My wife, she thinks so much of me that she won't let me do any work around the house. It's incredible." The second guy says, "That's nothing. My wife thinks I'm God." "She thinks you're God? What makes you say that?" "Quite obvious. Every night she places a burnt offering before me." ____________________________________________ A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one." The next day the collections manager found a phone message: "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long." ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, March 1 in 1498 Vasco de Gama landed at what is now Mozambique on his way to India. 1562 In Vassy, France, Catholics massacred over 1,000 Huguenots. The event started the First War of Religion. 1692 In Salem Village, in the Massachusetts Bay Colony, the Salem witch trials began. Four women were the first to be charged. 1781 In America, the Continental Congress adopted the Articles of Confederation. 1784 In Great Britain, E. Kidner opened the first cooking school. 1790 The U.S. Congress authorized the first U.S. census. 1810 Sweden became the first country to appoint an Ombudsman, Lars August Mannerheim. 1811 Egyptian ruler Mohammed Ali massacred the leaders of the Mameluke dynasty. 1815 Napoleon returned to France from the island of Elba. He had been forced to abdicate in April of 1814. 1862 Prussia formally recognized the Kingdom of Italy. 1869 Postage stamps with scenes were issued for the first time. 1872 The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of Yellowstone National Park. It was the world's first national park. 1873 E. Remington and Sons of Ilion, NY, began the manufacturing the first practical typewriter. 1896 The Battle of Adowa began in Ethiopia between the forces of Emperor Menelik II and Italian troops. The Italians were defeated. 1900 In South Africa, Ladysmith was relieved by British troops after being under siege by the Boers for more than four months. 1907 In Odessa, Russia, there were only about 15,000 Jews left due to evacuations. 1907 In Spain, a royal decree abolished civil marriages. 1907 In New York, the Salvation Army opened an anti-suicide bureau. 1912 Captain Albert Berry made the first parachute jump from a moving airplane. 1927 The Bank of Italy became a National Bank. 1932 The 22-month-old son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh was kidnapped. The child was found dead in May. 1937 U.S. Steel raised workers wages to $5 a day. 1937 In Connecticut, the first permanent automobile license plates were issued. 1941 FM Radio began in Nashville, TN, when station W47NV began operations. 1941 Bulgaria joined the Axis powers by signing the Tripartite Pact. 1947 The International Monetary Fund began operations. 1947 Chinese Premier T.V. Soong resigned. 1949 Joe Louis announced that he was retiring from boxing as world heavyweight boxing champion. 1950 Klaus Fuchs was convicted of giving U.S. atomic secrets to the Soviet Union. 1954 The United States announced that it had conducted a hydrogen bomb test on the Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean. It was the first U.S. test of a dry fuel hydrogen bomb under Operation Castle. 1954 Five U.S. congressmen were wounded when four Puerto Rican nationalists opened fire from the gallery of the U.S. House of Representatives. 1959 Archbishop Makarios returned to Cyprus from exile. 1961 The Peace Corps was established by U.S. President Kennedy. 1962 Pakistan announced that it had a new constitution that set up a presidential system of government. 1966 The Soviet probe Venera 3 crashed on the planet Venus. It was the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the surface of another planet. 1966 Ghana ordered all Soviet, East German and Chinese technicians to leave the country. 1971 A bomb exploded in a restroom in the Senate wing of the U.S. Capitol. There were no injuries. A U.S. group protesting the Vietnam War claimed responsibility. 1990 In Cairo, 16 people were killed in a fire at the Sheraton Hotel. 1992 Bosnian Serb snipers fired upon civilians after a majority of the Moslem and Croatian communities voted in favor of Bosnia's independence. 1992 King Fahd of Saudi Arabia announced major political reforms that ceded some powers after 10 years of disciplined rule. 1992 Bosnian Muslims and Croats voted to secede from Yugoslavia. 1993 The U.S. government announced that the number of food stamp recipients had reached a record number of 26.6 million. 1994 Israel released about 500 Arab prisoners in an effort to placate Palestinians over the Hebron massacre. 1995 The European Parliament rejected legislation that would have allowed biotechnology companies to patent new life forms. 1995 Yahoo! was incorporated. 1996 In Kuala, Lumpur, construction was completed for the Petronas Towers. 1999 The Angolan Embassy in Lusaka, Zambia, exploded. Four other bombs went off in the capital. 1999 In Uganda, eight tourists were brutally murdered by Hutu rebels. 1999 Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones began their attempt to circumnavigate the Earth in a hot air balloon non-stop. They succeeded on March 20, 1999. 2002 Operation Anaconda began in eastern Afghanistan. Allied forces were fighting against Taliban and Al Quaida fighters. 2003 In New York, a $250,000 Salvador Dali sketch was stolen from a display case in the lobby at Rikers Island jail. On June 17, 2003, it was announced that four corrections officers had surrendered and pled innocent in connection to the theft. The mixed-media composition was a sketch of the crucifixion. 2003 In the U.S., approximately 180,000 personnel from 22 different organizations around the government became part of the Department of Homeland Security. This completed the largest government reorganization since the beginning of the Cold War. 2003 Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was captured by CIA and Pakistani agents near Islamabad. He was the suspected mastermind behind the terrorist attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001. 2021 Do smiled. |
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