Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, March 2 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Catholic priest accused of kidnapping, confinement and domestic battery of wife Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, March 2 in 1807 The U.S. Congress passed an act to "prohibit the importation of slaves into any port or place within the jurisdiction of the United States... from any foreign kingdom, place, or country." See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ "A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... And how many want out." --- Tony Blair. The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against wacking them around a little. --- Joe Martin Bizarre Holidays In March March 1 is National Pig Day and Peanut Butter Lover's Day March 2 is Old Stuff Day March 3 is I Want You To Be Happy Day, Peach Blossom Day and National Anthem Day March 4 is Holy Experiment Day March 5 is Multiple Personalities Day March 6 is National Frozen Food Day March 7 is National Crown Roast Of Pork Day March 8 is Be Nasty Day March 9 is Panic Day March 10 is Festival Of Life In The Cracks Day March 11 is Johnny Appleseed Day and Worship of Tools Day March 12 is Alfred Hitchcock Day March 13 is Jewel Day March 14 is National potato Chip Day March 15 is Buzzard's Day and Everything You Think Is Wrong Day March 16 is Everything You Do Is Right Day March 17 is Submarine Day March 18 is Supreme Sacrifice Day March 19 is poultry Day March 20 is Proposal Day and Festival Of Extraterrestrial Abductions Day March 21 is Fragrance Day March 22 is National Goof-off Day March 23 is National Organize Your Home Office Day and National Chip and Dip Day March 24 is National Chocolate Covered Raisins Day March 25 is Pecan Day and Waffle Day March 26 is Make Up Your Own Holiday Day and Spinach Festival Day March 27 is National "Joe" Day March 28 is Something On A Stick Day March 29 is Festival Of Smoke and Mirrors Day March 30 is I Am In Control Day March 31 is Bunsen Burner Day and National Clams On The Half Shell Day ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A canibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow canibal. Feeling hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu... Broiled Missionary: $10.00 Fried Explorer: $15.00 Baked Politician: $100.00. The canibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a price difference for the politician?" The cook replied: "Have you ever tried to clean one?" ______________________________________________________ The new manager walks into his office and, while settling into his new desk, finds 4 envelopes. On one he finds the words "open me first," and the other three are numbered 1 to 3. He opens the first envelope and finds a letter from his predecessor saying: "These three envelopes will save you a world of trouble. In case of emergency, please open these envelopes in sequential order; envelope one first, envelope two second, and envelope three third." The manager shrugs, puts the envelopes back, and forgets about them. Six months later, the workers go on strike. The company closes, and is losing money fast. After a long night negotiating with the union, he remembers the 3 envelopes. So he opens the first one and it says: "Blame me, your predecessor for everything". Wonderful idea he thinks, and indeed it works and the crisis comes to its end. His job is saved, and everybody's happy. A few years later, another strike hits. He goes to the drawer and opens the second envelope. It reads, "Blame the government for everything". It works like a charm, and he breathes a sigh of relief as his job is, once again, saved. A year later the workers declare another strike. The manager goes directly to the third envelope and it reads, "Prepare 4 new envelopes" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!" _____________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Father Luke W. Reese, 49, Indianapolis, Indiana Catholic priest accused of kidnapping, confinement and domestic battery of wife A Catholic priest in Indianapolis is being charged with kidnapping, criminal confinement, intimidation, and domestic battery after allegedly assaulting his wife on Sept. 24, 2017. According to a probable cause affidavit obtained Tuesday, Father Luke W. Reese, 49, assaulted the woman after he found out she was having an affair. In the court document, the victim claims she was in the backseat of a vehicle with the man when Reese arrived and told her to get out. In the document, the wife says Reese then drove them around the city as he hit her and blasted heavy metal music. The two then went to the Holy Rosary Catholic Church of Indianapolis, where the woman claims Reese made her kneel at the altar, said he could choke her, slammed her into a wall and hit her head against their vehicle before leaving, the affidavit says. Reese then reportedly drove his wife to Auburn to make her tell her 90-something-year-old grandmother what she had done by talking to another man. When the couple got home, the woman claims Reese ripped off her clothes, tore up her outfits that he thought were slutty, and forced her to have sex, according to court documents. Shortly after the alleged assault, the Holy Rosary Catholic Church released a statement in its bulletin announcing that Reese would take a leave of absence for a few months. This past Monday, Father Reese notified me that he was experiencing some personal and family issues which would require a greater amount of his attention, read the message to parishioners. Further down in the message, parishioners were asked to respect Reese and his family's privacy. They were told that if they asked about the leave of absence, they would be told to mind your own business. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Arnold Re: Open a command prompt in Explorer Dear Webby, You told us once how to get a command prompt in Explorer. I often need it just to have the location in a form, that I can copy, and sometimes too for making a file list, that I can copy and then paste into a sprepadsheet. I got a W7 machine now, and I think it is a bit different. Please tell me again! Arnold (The other one) Dear Arnold For a change they listened to our demands! When in the File Explorer, highlight the directory you want, then hold down the SHIFT key and RIGHT-click. You will see a selection to OPEN Command Window Here. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A Classic! A game warden noticed how a particular fellow named Sam consistently caught more fish than anyone else. Whereas the other guys would only catch three or four fish a day, Sam would come in from the lake with a boat full of fish. Stringer after stringer was packed with freshly caught trout. The warden, curious, asked Sam his secret. The successful fisherman invited the game warden to accompany him and observe. So the next morning, the two met at the dock and took off in Sam's boat. When they got to the middle of the lake, Sam stopped the boat, and the warden sat back to see how it was done. Sam's approach was simple: He took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it into the air. The explosion rocked the lake with such a force that dead fish immediately began to surface. Sam took out a net and started scooping them up. Well, you can imagine the reaction of the game warden. When he recovered from the shock of it all, he began yelling at Sam, "You can't do this! I'll put you in jail, buddy! You will be paying every fine there is in the book!" Sam, meanwhile, set his net down and took out another stick of dynamite. He lit it and tossed it in the lap of the game warden with these words: "Your turn!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Way dawn in the deep saoth, in an area known as the 'Baible Belt,' there lived a Baptist minister with a very large congregation. One morning, after a particularly moving sermon, he announced, "Friends I have been hearing very nasty rumors!" The crowd fell into an expectant silence. The Minister continued, "One of you, here among us, has been reporting that I am a member of the dreaded 'Klu Klux Klan.' This, of course, is not true! I am asking that the guilty party confess and apologize now - right here - before my flock of loyal followers." Sister Margaret quickly stood up and pleaded, "Preacher, please, I don't know how this all came to be. I just mentioned to one of my close friends that you were a wizard under the sheets." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Tea Always store loose tea in a container with a tight fitting lid to preserve the quality of the herbs. Even if your tea bags are individually wrapped, it's good to store them in a sealed container as well. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ An elderly gentlemen went in for his annual physical exam. The doctor said, "You're in incredible shape. How old are you again?" The man replied, "I am 78." The doctor exclaimed, "Wow, 78. How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old." The man explained, "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. The man sighed, "I've pretty much lived an outdoor life." | Surreal oil paintings by Joel Rea. |
Dear Webby... Your daily letter is like receiving good news from a dear friend. Thank you so much for bringing so much enjoyment to so many. Sincerely, Yong ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, March 2 in 1807 The U.S. Congress passed an act to "prohibit the importation of slaves into any port or place within the jurisdiction of the United States... from any foreign kingdom, place, or country." 1836 Texas declared its independence from Mexico and an ad interim government was formed. 1866 Excelsior Needle Company began making sewing machine needles. 1877 In the U.S., Rutherford B. Hayes was declared the winner of the 1876 presidential election by the U.S. Congress. Samuel J. Tilden, however, had won the popular vote on November 7, 1876. 1897 U.S. President Cleveland vetoed legislation that would have required a literacy test for immigrants entering the country. 1899 Mount Rainier National Park in Washington was established by the U.S. Congress. 1899 U.S. President McKinley signed a measure that created the rank of Admiral for the U.S. Navy. The first admiral was George Dewey. 1900 The U.S. Congress voted to give $2 million in aid to Puerto Rico. 1901 The first telegraph company in Hawaii opened. 1901 The U.S. Congress passed the Platt amendment, which limited Cuban autonomy as a condition for withdrawal of U.S. troops. 1903 The Martha Washington Hotel opened for business in New York City. The hotel had 416 rooms and was the first hotel exclusively for women. 1906 A tornado in Mississippi killed 33 and did $5 million in damage. 1907 In Hamburg, Germany, dock workers went on strike after the end of the night shift. British strike breakers were brought in. The issue was settled on April 22, 1907. 1908 In New York, the Committee of the Russian Republican Administration was founded. 1908 In Paris, Gabriel Lippmann introduced three-dimensional color photography at the Academy of Sciences. 1917 The Russian Revolution began with Czar Nicholas II abdicating. 1917 Citizens of Puerto Rico were granted U.S. citizenship with the enactment of the Jones Act. 1925 State and federal highway officials developed a nationwide route- numbering system and adopted the familiar U.S. shield-shaped, numbered marker. 1929 The U.S. Court of Customs & Patent Appeals was created by the U.S. Congress. 1933 The motion picture King Kong had its world premiere in New York. 1939 The Massachusetts legislature voted to ratify the Bill of Rights to the U.S. Constitution. These first ten amendments had gone into effect 147 years before. 1946 Ho Chi Minh was elected President of Vietnam. 1949 The B-50 Superfortress Lucky Lady II landed in Fort Worth, TX. The American plane had completed the first non-stop around-the-world flight. 1962 Wilt 'The Stilt' Chamberlain scored 100 points against the New York Knicks 169-147. Chamberlain broke several NBA records in the game. 1969 In Toulouse, France, the supersonic transport Concorde made its first test flight. 1983 The U.S.S.R. performed an underground nuclear test. 1984 The first McDonald's franchise was closed. A new location was opened across the street from the old location in Des Plaines, IL. 1985 The U.S. government approved a screening test for AIDS that detected antibodies to the virus that allowed possibly contaminated blood to be kept out of the blood supply. 1986 Corazon Aquino was sworn into office as president of the Philippines. Her first public declaration was to restore the civil rights of the citizens of her country. 1987 The U.S. government reported that the median price for a new home had gone over $100,000 for the first time. 1989 Representatives from the 12 European Community nations all agreed to ban all production of CFCs (chlorofluorocarbons) by the end of the 20th century. 1995 Russian anti-corruption journalist Vladislav Listyev was killed by a gunman in Moscow. 1995 Nick Leeson was arrested for his role in the collapse of Britain's Barings Bank. 1998 The U.N. Security Council endorsed U.N. chief Kofi Annan's deal to open Iraq's presidential palaces to arms inspectors. 1998 Images from the American spacecraft Galileo indicated that the Jupiter moon Europa has a liquid ocean and a source of interior heat. 2000 In Great Britain, Chile's former President Augusto Pinochet Ugarte was freed from house arrest and allowed to return to Chile. Britain's Home Secretary Jack Straw had concluded that Pinochet was mentally and physically unable to stand trial. Belgium, France, Spain and Switzerland had sought the former Chilean leader on human-rights violations. 2003 Over the Sea of Japan, there was a confrontation between four armed North Korean fighter jets and a U.S. RC-135S Cobra Ball. No shots were fired in the encounter in international airspace about 150 miles off North Korea's coast. The U.S. Air Force announced that it would resume reconnaissance flights on March 12. 2004 NASA announced that the Mars rover Opportunity had discovered evidence that water had existed on Mars in the past. 2011 Steve Jobs unveiled Apple's iPad 2. 2018 Do smiled. |
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