Humor: Parental control filters

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Today is Monday, June 5 Submit ____________________________________________________ History: today, June 5 in 1967, The Six Day War between Israel and Egypt, Syria and Jordan began. ______________________________________________________ Bonehead 2 women in Aurora charged after stabbing 2 other women _____________________________________________________ Q America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head. --- Dennis Miller A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions. --- Wilson Mizner ______________________________________________________ In bygone days, a thin man insulted a large man. The large man challenged his tormentor to a duel with pistols. On the day of the duel a debate ensued about the unfair advantage held by the thin man because he was a much smaller target. Finally the thin man came up with a solution. "Let the outline of my figure be chalked upon your body," he said to his opponent, "and any shots of mine that hit outside the chalk lines, we won't count." _____________________________________________________ >From Vera I overheard my father telling a family friend about my newly- assigned mission in the U.S. Coast Guard. I work on a cutter that escorts cruise ships and international vessels under the bridges in California's Bay Area. But what my father told his friend was, "She's involved in some sort of escort service." _____________________________________________________ That is a Crayfish in Australia. ___________________________________________________ an fl bonehead award has been reported by rock Brionna Bell (left) and Trebreh Hammond (right). Brionna Bell, 21, Trebreh Hammond, 20, Aurora, Illinois, USA 2 women in Aurora charged after stabbing 2 other women Two women from Aurora are being charged with stabbing two other women outside of a home in the 1200 block S. Fourth Street Tuesday evening. 21-year-old Brionna Bell and 20-year-old Trebreh Hammond were arrested and are both charged with aggravated battery and mob action. A 21-year-old woman and a 41-year-old woman, both of Aurora, were stabbed multiple times and were taken to a hospital with what the Aurora Police Department says are non-life- threatening injuries and are in stable condition. Police did not say what led to the stabbing. ___________________________________________________ Guards escorted a handcuffed prisoner into the courtroom where I stood as the court deputy. "Is this a tough judge?" the prisoner asked the baliff. The baliff replied, "Tough but fair." "Yeah?" continued the prisoner. "How tough?" "The toughest judge since Pontius Pilate," the baliff replied. The prisoner answered, "I don't know him. I'm not from around here." ___________________________________________________ A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with what he can do. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town grouch. So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. So he goes and tells the doctor, "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin to do?" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43." Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells. "I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the doctor. So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!" Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43..." Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the town. ___________________________________________________ Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply, "It could have been worse." To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it. On the golf course one day, one of them said, "Frank, did you hear about Tom? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself!" "That's awful," said Frank, "But it could have been worse." "How in the hell," asked his bewildered friend, "Could it have been worse?" "Well," replied Frank, "If it happened the night before, I'd be dead now!" ___________________________________________________ A five year old was discussing Noah's Ark with Grandma. Grandma asked, "How many animals went into the Ark?" The youngster replied: "One mail and one e-mail." _____________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Kerry RE: Parental control filters Dear Webby, What do recommend for parental control filters? Kerry Dear Kerry A sturdy marble or oak rolling pin seems to be the best. The software parental controls are way too soft. Most likely your kids can crack them a lot faster than you can set them up, plus they can always go to different but similar sites. Just hanging around now and then and making it clear that computer use is a privilege, that can be cut at any time, is the most effective. Kids will sneak a peek at taboo stuff anyway, just like you did. The general idea is to not make such a big fuss about it that it turns into an obsession. A good education about what lurks on the chat programs might go a lot further in protecting your kids than any software. You might also mention that if they get caught messing with a pedophile, they will be interrogated, mugshotted and fingerprinted, and mentioned in news and on the web. Quite embarrassing! Because kids, who have been victims of pedos, often become pedos themselves, there are non-public records, that will make them prime suspects in the future. Like a tattoo on the forehead: PEDO You can also remind them how embarrassing it would be having to tell teachers and friends that their computer has been sold, and why. Have fun! Dearwebby ____________________________________________ if you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! ___________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ A woman approached the minister after the sermon, and thanked him for his discourse. "I found it so helpful," she said. The minister replied: "I hope it will not prove as helpful as the last sermon you heard me preach." "Why, what do you mean?" asked the astonished woman. "Well," said the minister, "that sermon lasted you three years." _________________________________________________ today, June 5 in 1595, Henry IV's army defeated the Spanish at the Battle of Fontaine-Francaise. 1752, Benjamin Franklin flew a kite for the first time to demonstrate that lightning was a form of electricity. 1794, The U.S. Congress prohibited citizens from serving in any foreign armed forces. 1827, Athens fell to the Ottomans. 1851, Harriet Beecher Stow published the first installment of "Uncle Tom's Cabin" in "The National Era." 1865, The first safe deposit vault was opened in New York. The charge was $1.50 a year for every $1,000 that was stored. 1884, U.S. Civil War General William T. Sherman refused the Republican presidential nomination, saying, "I will not accept if nominated and will not serve if elected." 1917, American men began registering for the World War I draft. 1924, Ernst F. W. Alexanderson transmitted the first facsimile message across the Atlantic Ocean. 1927, Johnny Weissmuller set two world records in swimming events. Weissmuller set marks in the 100-yard, and 200-yard, free-style swimming competition. 1933, President Roosevelt signed the bill that took the U.S. off of the gold standard. 1940, During World War II, the Battle of France began when Germany began an offensive in Southern France. 1942, In France, Pierre Laval congratulated French volunteers that were fighting in the U.S.S.R. with Germans. 1944, The first B-29 bombing raid hit the Japanese rail line in Bangkok, Thailand. 1946, The first medical sponges were first offered for sale in Detroit, MI. 1947, U.S. Secretary of State George C. Marshall gave a speech at Harvard University in which he outlined the Marshall Plan. 1956, Premier Nikita Khrushchev denounced Josef Stalin to the Soviet Communist Party Congress. 1967, The National Hockey League (NHL) awarded three new franchises. The Minnesota North Stars (later the Dallas Stars), the California Golden Seals (no longer in existence) and the Los Angeles Kings. 1967, The Six Day War between Israel and Egypt, Syria and Jordan began. 1975, Egypt reopened the Suez Canal to international shipping, eight years after it was closed because of the 1967 war with Israel. 1981, In the U.S., the Center for Disease Control and Prevention reported that five men in Los Angeles were suffering from a rare pneumonia found in patients with weakened immune systems. They were the first recognized cases of what later became known as AIDS. 1986, A federal jury in Baltimore convicted Ronald W. Pelton of selling secrets to the Soviet Union. Pelton was sentenced to three life prison terms plus 10 years. 1987, Ted Koppel and guests discussed the topic of AIDS for four hours on ABC-TV's "Nightline". 1998, A strike began at a General Motors Corp. parts factory near Detroit, MI, that closed five assembly plants and idled workers across the U.S. for seven weeks. 1998, Volkswagen AG won approval to buy Rolls-Royce Motor Cars for $700 million, outbidding BMW's $554 million offer. 1998, A strike at a General Motors parts factory began. It lasted for seven weeks. 2004, The U.S.S. Jimmy Carter was christened in the U.S. Navy in Groton, CT. 2023, smiled. If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online! Go to TOP Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com Please give a friend a subscription to the Humor Letter If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. 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