Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, January 26 Today's Bonehead Award:  Crack and BJ in intersection  ______________________________________________________ Today, January 26 in 1994 In Sydney, Australia, a young man lunged at and fired two blank shots at Britain's Prince Charles. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman." The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped." The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box." The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!" The Irishman replied, "aye Father, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ >From Grant I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting and fishing, my family eats a considerable amount of wild game. I guess they eat so much, in fact, that one evening as I set a platter of broiled venison steaks on the dinner table, my ten-year-old daughter looked up and said, "Boy, it sure would be nice in pizzas lived in the woods." ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________   An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Freedom Ryder Zobrist, 38, Escambia, Florida  Florida woman busted for dancing naked outside waffle house, licking man's face  A half-naked Florida Woman was arrested early Monday after she pulled down her pants and began dancing around in the parking lot of a Waffle House in Pensacola. Before her performance ended, cops report, Freedom Ryder Zobrist, 38, sought to grab the genitals of a restaurant manager before licking the man on both sides of his face. When Zobrist was first asked to leave the Waffle House property, she became verbally abusive and allegedly threatened to retrieve a firearm and shoot workers and restaurant patrons. Pictured above, Zobrist declined to answer police questions. Cops reported that witnesses told them Zobrist had pulled down her pants exposing her sexual organs and started dancing around the parking lot. Zobrist was charged with multiple crimes, including assault and lewd and indecent exposure. She is being held in the Escambia County jail in lieu of $800 bond. Upon Zobrist's release from custody, a judge has ordered her to stay away from Waffle House and barred her from using alcohol and unprescribed drugs.  
 From: Duane Re: Partial mails  Dear DearWebby, I am not getting the body of the articles. I am only getting what you see below. I was getting everything and then all of a sudden this happens. Do you have any suggestions?? Thanks, Duane  Dear Duane Your subject line was: Subject: Re: {Spam?} Re: {Spam?} {Disarmed} Humor: That makes it very clear that the problem is your mis-configured spam control. Try using a better spam control, like for example MailWasher. I have used it since it was in Beta testing in the mid 90's,and it has never screwed up like that. Since I use the same email addresses since the early 90's, my addresses are on every single spammer's CD and get an awful lot of spam. I don't care. MailWasher nukes it all on the server, does not even list it. It recognizes spam and quietly lets it fly down to hell. It is really easy to make filters, both good and bad filters to protect good mail, no matter what is in it, and to nuke bad mail. Making filters actually becomes a fun game to outsmart the spammers. And with MailWasher, you always win. Have FUN! DearWebby  
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 As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: "What's that stuff all over those hills?" "Just snow," replied the stewardess. "That's what I thought," said the lady, "but this fellow in front of me said it was Greece." 
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 Thanks to Wendy for these: Insane Animal Laws In Kingsville, Texas, there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property. It is illegal for hens to lay eggs before 8 a.m. and after 4 p.m. in Norfolk, Virginia. Ducks quacking after 10 p.m. in Essex Falls, New Jersey, are breaking the law. In Quitman, Georgia, it is against the law for a chicken to cross any road within the city limits. In McDonald, Ohio, farmers cannot march a goose down a city street. And fowl, particularly roosters, are prohibited from going into bakeries in Massachusetts.  In Kansas, it is illegal for chicken thieves to work during daylight hours.  In New York, frogs may be taken from their ponds from June 16 to September 30, but only between sunrise and sunset. In Pennsylvania, no one is allowed to shoot bullfrogs on a Sunday. In Arizona, the bullfrog-hunting season is permanently closed. In Vermont, you can be fined if your pig runs in a public park without the permission of a selectman. French Lick Springs, Indiana, once passed a law requiring all black cats to wear bells on Friday the 13th. Madison, Wisconsin, will not allow joint custody of a family pet when a couple divorces -- the animal is legally awarded to whoever happens to have possession of it at the time of the initial separation. Dogs in Foxpoint, Wisconsin, may not bark profusely, snarl or make any menacing gestures. In Texas, it's illegal to put graffiti on someone else's cow. It is illegal to ride a mule down Lang, Kansas' Main Street in August, unless the animal is wearing a straw hat. ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Get an Estimate for Car Repairs  Always get an estimate in writing before having repair work done on your car. Once the repairs are done, only pay for the repairs that you authorized. Pay with a credit card so you can reverse the charge if there is a problem with the work that the repair shop won't remedy.  Thriftyfun.com   ____________________________________________________   
 
 
My distant cousin Johnny Cash. 
 ___________________________________________________ There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black: 1. He called everyone brother, 2. He liked Gospel, 3. He didn't get a fair trial. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish: 1. He went into His father's business, 2. He lived at home until he was 33, 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian: 1. He talked with His hands, 2. He had wine with His meals, 3. He used olive oil. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian: 1. He never cut His hair, 2. He walked around barefoot all the time, 3. He started a new religion. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian: 1. He was at peace with nature, 2. He ate a lot of fish, 3. He talked about the Great Spirit. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish: 1. He never got married, 2. He was always telling stories, 3. He loved green pastures. But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman: 1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food, 2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it, 3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do! ___________________________________________________ Mary was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. That, he declared, was woman's work. But one evening Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was going on. It turned out that Charley, her husband, had read an on-line article that suggested working wives would be more romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from having to do all the housework in addition to holding down a full-time job. The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her friends in the office. "How did it work out?" they asked. "Well, it was a great dinner," Mary said. "Charley even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and put everything away." "But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know. "It didn't work out," Mary said. "Charley was too tired!" ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Anni stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!" "Yes, ma'am?" "I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!" "What was wrong with it?" "It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" The librarian nodded and said, "Ahh. So you must be the person who took our phone book." ___________________________________________________  
 Today January 26 in 1500 Vicente Y ez Pinzn discovered Brazil. 1736 Stanislaus I formally abdicated as King of Poland. 1784 In a letter to his daughter, Benjamin Franklin expressed unhappiness over the eagle as the symbol of America. He wanted the symbol to be the turkey. 1788 The first European settlers in Australia, led by Captain Arthur Phillip, landed in what became known as Sydney. The group had first settled at Botany Bay eight days before. This day is celebrated as Australia Day. 1827 Peru seceded from Colombia in protest against Simn Bolvar's alleged tyranny. 1841 Britain formally occupied Hong Kong, which the Chinese had ceded to the British. 1875 George F. Green patented the electric dental drill for sawing, filing, dressing and polishing teeth. 1905 The Cullinan diamond, at 3,106.75 carats, was found by Captain Wells at the Premier Mine, near Pretoria, South Africa. 1911 Inventor Glenn H. Curtiss flew the first successful seaplane. 1939 In the Spanish Civil War, Franco's forces, with Italian aid, took Barcelona. 1942 The first American expeditionary force to go to Europe during World War II went ashore in Northern Ireland. 1950 India officially proclaimed itself a republic as Rajendra Prasad took the oath of office as president. 1950 The American Associated Insurance Companies, of St. Louis, MO, issued the first baby sitter's insurance policy. 1959 "Alcoa Presents" debuted on ABC-TV. The show would later be renamed "One Step Beyond". 1961 U.S. President John F. Kennedy appointed Dr. Janet G. Travell as the first woman to be the "personal physician to the President". 1962 The U.S. launched Ranger 3 to land scientific instruments on the moon. The probe missed its target by about 22,000 miles. 1965 Hindi was made the official language of India. 1969 California was declared a disaster area after two days of flooding and mudslides. 1972 In Hermsdorf, Czechoslovakia, a JAT Yugoslav Airlines flight crashed after the detonation of a bomb in the forward cargo hold killing 27 people. The bomb was believed to have been placed on the plane by a Croatian extremist group. Vesna Vulovic, a stewardess, survived after falling 33,000 feet in the tail section. She broke both legs and became paralyzed from the waist down. 1979 The 'Gizmo' guitar synthesizer was first demonstrated. 1992 Russian president Boris Yeltsin announced that his country would stop targeting U.S. cities with nuclear weapons. 1993 Former Czechoslovak President Vaclav Havel was elected president of the new Czech Republic. 1994 In Sydney, Australia, a young man lunged at and fired two blank shots at Britain's Prince Charles. 1996 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton testified before a grand jury concerning the Whitewater probe. 1998 U.S. President Clinton denied having an affair with a former White House intern, saying "I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky." 1999 Saddam Hussein vowed revenge against the U.S. in response to air-strikes that reportedly killed civilians. The strikes were U.S. planes defending themselves against anti-aircraft fire. 2009 The Icelandic government and banking system collapsed. Prime Minister Geir Haarde resigned. 2010 It was announced that James Cameron's movie "Avatar" had become the highest-grossing film worldwide. 2019 Do smiled. 
 

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