Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, February 3 Hi Dear Webby, Love your messages and picture of the day. Today's birds were labeled finches, but they are Bohemian Waxwings. Beautiful creatures!Wanda Sent from my Galaxy Wanda ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Homeless Man Arrested in Brutal Abuse of Pet Tortoise at San Jose Preschool ___________________________________________________ Today, February 3 in 1966 The first rocket-assisted controlled landing on the Moon was made by the Soviet space vehicle Luna IX. ____________________________________________________ You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic. --- Doris Egan, House M.D., ____________________________________________________ >From Bill Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't, know where to start." We will then drink beer. ----------------------------------------------- Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem. ----------------------------------------------- Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. ----------------------------------------------- Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as, much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together. ---------------------------------------------------- - Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator). ----------------------------------------------- Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger? I mean, how the hell could he know where we're going? ----------------------------------------------- Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars, beer, or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask. ----------------------------------------------- Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too. ----------------------------------------------- Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't. ----------------------------------------------- Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it---looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now? ----------------------------------------------- Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2003, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest. ---------------------------------------------- This has been a public service message for Women to better understand the Male ____________________________________________________ Love at first sight is only a twenty-four hour alcohol induced disease. The tricky part is returning your date before the zoo reopens. ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Kamala goes to the hospital desk and says she needs to see an upturn. The nurse says, "You mean 'intern'." "Yes. I need to get a contamination." The nurse corrected her, "You mean an 'examination'." "Yes. I think I need to go to the fraternity ward." Again, the nurse said, "You mean the 'maternity' ward." "Upturn / Intern, contamination / examination, fraternity / maternity. WHATever ! All I know is that I haven't demonstrated in two months, and I think I'm stagnant !" __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by George Robles, 40, San Jose, California, USA Homeless Man Arrested in Brutal Abuse of Pet Tortoise at San Jose Preschool A homeless man was arrested Saturday in San Jose for allegedly destroying property and stabbing a pet tortoise at a preschool. San Jose police responded around 11:30 a.m. Saturday to the Play n Learn preschool at 505 Massar Ave following a report of a man acting erratically and destroying property. Officers located a suspect fleeing the scene and arrested him without incident. Subsequent investigation revealed about $1,800 in damage to the school building and playground. In addition, a 65-pound tortoise named Michelangelo was stabbed through its outer shell with a piece of wood and showed signs of additional, recent abuse. The suspect has been identified as an unhoused San Jose resident named George Robles, age 40. He is being charged with felony vandalism and animal abuse. Police said Robles continued acting erratically in custody and was placed on a 72-hour emergency mental health evaluation. Abuse of an innocent animal is intolerable and must be addressed, said acting police chief Dave Tindall in an e-mail. This underscores the need for continued collaboration with our mental health professionals. I am thankful for our officers crisis intervention training which resulted in a safe arrest for all those involved. After an overnight surgery at Archvet Animal Hospital in San Jose, the tortoise appeared to be doing well on Sunday. Michelangelo was walking around and seemed still to be people-friendly but its trauma was evident. Any loud, sudden noises would cause him to pull back into his shell. This is a brutal attack on something that cant defend himself, said Dr. Tal Solomon of Archvet Animal Hospital. He cant even run away. Ive been doing this for almost 11 years now and this is a first for me. A tortoise-rescue program donated the African tortoise to Play n Learn four years ago. The kids named him Michelangelo after the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle cartoon character. The kids love him, said preschool teacher Brooke Lariz. They get so excited He loves to be around the kids, hes just a happy little tortoise, Lariz added then quickly corrected herself because Michelangelo is not that little. He weighs about 70 pounds and is about two feet long. On Saturday morning, police said a homeless man hopped over the school fence and attacked Michelangelo in the school garden. I thought he was dead when I saw this in there. So it was almost a good feeling when he hissed at me because I knew he was alive, said Tammy Lariz, the preschool administrator. She was referring to a rake handle and a piece of 4 by 4 pressure-treated wood found impaled Michelangelos shell. Whenever he would move or we would try to move him, more blood would come, Lariz said. It appeared the attacker beat the tortoise with garden tools and objects taken from a classroom. It just made no sense. I cant even comprehend how you could be that disgusting to do that to an animal, Brooke Lariz said. Dr. Solomon said Michelangelo should make a full recovery and be able to go back to the kids. The challenge now is how to explain and help the preschoolers cope with the attack. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Bill Re: Password a file Dear Webby This is the third time I have tried to contact you. I thought I would try your "911" address. This is a copy of my first attempt: Do you know of an easy way to secure a file, e.g. notepad, with a password? I didnt find anything useful on searching the net. I hate to bother you, but you have always responded previously. All the best. Bill Dear Bill You can Password protect Windows 10 files and folders Using File Explorer. Right-click on a file or folder you want password protected. Click on Properties at the bottom of the context menu Click on Advanced Select Encrypt contents to secure data and click on Apply. Youl be prompted to back up your encryption key, you'll need it if you lose access to your encrypted files. Applies to All Windows 10 Versions Have Fun! DearWebby Tony and John met for the first time in twenty years. "So, how's life been for you?" Tony asked. "Not too good," John replied. "My first wife died of cancer, my second wife turned out to be a lesbian and ran off with another woman and took all our savings, my son's in prison for trying to kill me, my daughter got run over by a bus, my house was hit by a low-flying aircraft, my vintage car rolled off the dockside into the sea, I had to have my dog put down recently, my doctor says that I have an incurable disease and to cap it all my business has just gone bust." "Oh dear, that sounds terrible." Tony said. "What business were you in?" "I sell lucky charms," said John. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A group of U.S. soldiers arriving in Macedonia found themselves taking a surprise refresher course on first aid. Following an involved lesson on making splints, dressing wounds and applying tourniquets to stop bleeding, the instructor decided to determine how well the class had grasped the information given. "Jones," he said, pointing to one of the solders, "say your platoon leader sustains a head injury during a cross-country march. What do you do about it?" "That's easy, Sir," said Jones. "I wrap a tourniquet around his neck and tighten it until the bleeding stops." ____________________________________________ A zoning board had just been set up in a new community. A householder went to the office to request permission to build a small toolshed in his backyard. "Have you got a plan?" asked the director. "Oh, yes," said the householder, who showed him a map of his neighborhood, the dimension of his yard, and a sketch of the shed. "That looks fine," said the director. He pulled out a piece of paper, wrote a few words on it, Xeroxed it, and said, "Here's your permission." A month later, a neighbor in almost exactly the same situation also wanted permission for a shed in her yard. She went to the director, got as far as a secretary, and made her request. "Thank you, Mrs. Smith," said the secretary, taking the documents. "Telephone me in two weeks and I'll let you know what the director's decision is, or what further steps are necessary." "But," groaned Mrs. Smith, "a month ago my neighbor got permission right away." "Oh, yes," said the secretary, "but that was before we finally got organized." ____________________________________________ An auto mechanic received a repair order that read: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners." Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a 'clunk.' He then made a left turn and again heard a 'clunk.' Back at the shop he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem. Promptly he returned the repair order to the service manager with the notation, "Removed bowling ball from trunk". ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today February 3 in 1488 The Portuguese navigator Bartholomeu Diaz landed at Mossal Bay in the Cape, the first European known to have landed on the southern extremity of Africa. 1690 The first paper money in America was issued by the Massachusetts colony. The currency was used to pay soldiers that were fighting in the war against Quebec. 1783 Spain recognized the independence of the United States. 1815 The world's first commercial cheese factory was established in Switzerland. 1862 Thomas Edison printed the "Weekly Herald" and distributed it to train passengers traveling between Port Huron and Detroit, MI. It was the first time a newspaper had been printed on a train. 1874 A patent was issued to Samuel W. Francis for the spork. 1900 In Frankfort, KY, gubernatorial candidate William Goebels died from an assasin's bullet wounds. On August 18, 1900, Ex-Sec. of State Caleb Powers was found guilt of conspiracy to murder Gov. Goebels. 1913 The 16th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. It authorized the power to impose and collect income tax. 1916 In Ottawa, Canada's original parliament buildings burned down. 1917 The U.S. broke off diplomatic relations with Germany, which had announced a policy of unrestricted submarine warfare. 1918 The Twin Peaks Tunnel began service. It is the longest streetcar tunnel in the world at 11,920 feet. 1941 In Vichy, France, the Nazis used force to restore Pierre Laval to office. 1945 Russia agreed to enter World War II against Japan. 1966 The first rocket-assisted controlled landing on the Moon was made by the Soviet space vehicle Luna IX. 1969 At the Palestinian National Congress in Cairo, Yasser Arafat was appointed leader of the PLO. 1972 The first Winter Olympics in Asia were held at Sapporo, Japan. 1984 Challenger 4 was launched as the tenth space shuttle mission. 1998 Texas executed Karla Faye Tucker. She was the first woman executed in the U.S. since 1984. 1998 In Italy, a U.S. Military plane hit a cable causing the death of 20 skiers on a lift. 2009 Eric Holder was sworn in as attorney general. He was the first African-American to hold the post. 2010 The Alberto Giacometti sculpture L'Homme qui marche sold for $103.7 million. 2015 The British House of Commons voted to approve letting scientist create babies from the DNA of three people. 2021 Do smiled. |
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