Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, January 10 Today's Bonehead Award: Police arrest man accused of sodomizing 1-year-old girl he was babysitting ______________________________________________________ Today, January 10 in 1840 The penny post, whereby mail was delivered at a standard charge rather than paid for by the recipient, began in Britain. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person. --- Ethel Mumford Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) ______________________________________________________ A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting. Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence. Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?" The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical. With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick. Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is January 10, which I believe it is." The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly. Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?" The patient holds up his wrist and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch." ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Our 4-year-old daughter's surgery was scheduled for 11:30 a.m. We were becoming anxious as time passed and no one came to get her. Finally at 12:30, the surgeon arrived at her room. Knowing my husband is a minister, the doctor asked us if many people were praying for this surgery. Edgy from the delay, I said, "They were praying for you an hour ago." With a smile, he shot back, "Thanks. The 11:30 surgery went very well." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Usually there's no computer problem I can't solve. But I met my match when I turned on my machine and was greeted with the message "Keyboard not detected. Hit any key to continue ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jayson Newlun, 26, North Kansas City, Missouri Police arrest man accused of sodomizing 1-year-old girl he was babysitting A man in Missouri was arrested Wednesday on sodomy charges of a 1-year-old girl he was babysitting. Jayson Newlun, 26, was a family friend, according to court documents reviewed by KMBC. The parents of the girl told police they left Newlun alone with their daughter, who was asleep at the time, while they went to the store. The mother realized she forgot something and when they returned home, they found Newlun in the baby's room. The mother told police she saw Newlun sexually assaulting her daughter while photographing the act. The girl's father attacked Newlun, hitting him with a dresser drawer and punching him multiple times, according to the court documents reviewed by KMBC. A neighbor intervened and broke up the altercation until police arrived. The girl's mother allegedly asked Newlun why he did such a thing to her daughter and he said he didn't know. When she told him that she hopes he goes down for this, he agreed with her, according to court documents. Newlun was arrested on a statutory sodomy charge and taken to the Clay County Detention Center. From: Eric Re: Phish diverted Dear DearWebby, I'm not sure if it was someone's idea of a joke or an actual phishing scheme, but I got a pretty standard phishing email, went to the link and put in some completely BOGUS info. When I hit the continue button, it took me to the wikipedia page about phishing. Of course, I reported the email to spam cop. Have you seen or heard of this? Eric Dear Eric Most likely Spamcop had contacted the webhost of that phishing site, and the web host then promptly confiscated the domain from the phishers, and redirected the entire domain to the wikipedia page about phishing, just to piss the phishers off. That is pretty well standard procedure with the better web hosts. However, while fun, it is not really a good idea to enter the info about some local politician, you are still telling them that your IP number is live. Best is to do like MailWasher and just flush the crap and forget it. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Thanks to Darlene for bringing back this Classic: THE POWER OF PRAYER? In a small conservative town, a man began construction so he could open a new Bar/Tavern. The local Church started a campaign to block the Bar from opening by daily prayers and working on petitions. Work progressed right up until the week before opening, when a lightning strike hit the Bar and burned it to the ground. The Church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, right up until the Bar's owner sued the Church on the grounds that it was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through "direct or indirect actions or means." The Church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise in its reply to the court. When the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing he commented, "I don't know yet how I'm going to decide this. It appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner that believes in the power of prayer, and an entire Church congregation that doesn't!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt very ignorant about all the new technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials. "Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing," she said. "So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning machine." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Caring For Cut Flowers Cellphone Plans Review your cellphone plan once a year to make sure it still fits your needs. If you rarely use up your minutes you may be able to downgrade your plan and save 10 to 20 dollars a month. If you pay overcharges for going beyond your plans minutes then you might save money by upgrading your plan. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | The secret world of pageant pigeons. |
___________________________________________________ My boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. So he he went to a stationery store and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss." He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had written on it with a red felt Mark-all: "Door signs require a permit from the Secretary." ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Marion for this story: My eleven-year-old son, Lee, wanted to check his height against mine, so we stood back back. When we turned around, he kept his hand in place and then exclaimed, "Mom, I'm up to the first line on your forehead!" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Thanks to Lori for this story: I am five feet three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room. The triage nurse asked for my height and weight, and I blurted out, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds." While the nurse pondered over this information, my mother leaned over to me. "Sweetheart," she gently chided, "This is not the Internet." ___________________________________________________ | Today January 10 in 1776 "Common Sense" by Thomas Paine was published. 1840 The penny post, whereby mail was delivered at a standard charge rather than paid for by the recipient, began in Britain. 1863 Prime Minister Gladstone opened the first section of the London Underground Railway system, from Paddington to Farringdon Street. 1870 John D. Rockefeller incorporated Standard Oil. 1901 Oil was discovered at the Spindletop oil field near Beaumont, TX. 1911 Major Jimmie Erickson took the first photograph from an airplane while flying over San Diego, CA. 1920 The League of Nations ratified the Treaty of Versailles, officially ending World War I with Germany. It guaranteed that Germany would start WWII. 1920 The League of Nations held its first meeting in Geneva. 1927 Fritz Lang's film "Metropolis" was first shown, in Berlin. 1928 The Soviet Union ordered the exile of Leon Trotsky. 1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt sailed from Miami, FL, to Trinidad thus becoming the first American President to visit a foreign country during wartime. 1943 The quiz show, "The Better Half," was heard for the first time on Mutual Radio. 1946 The first meeting of the United Nations General Assembly took place with 51 nations represented. 1951 Donald Howard Rogers piloted the first passenger jet on a trip from Chicago to New York City. 1978 The Soviet Union launched two cosmonauts aboard a Soyuz capsule for a redezvous with the Salyut VI space laboratory. 1981 In El Salvador, Marxist insurgents launched a "final offensive". 1984 The United States and the Vatican established full diplomatic relations for the first time in more than a century. 1986 The uncut version of Jerome Kern's musical, "Showboat", opened at the Kennedy Center in Washington, DC. 1990 Chinese Premier Li Peng ended martial law in Beijing after seven months. He said that crushing pro-democracy protests had saved China from "the abyss of misery." 1990 Time Inc. and Warner Communications Inc. completed a $14 billion merger. The new company, Time Warner, was the world's largest entertainment company. 1994 In Manassas, VA, Lorena Bobbitt went on trial. She had been charged with maliciously wounding her husband John. She was acquitted by reason of temporary insanity. 1997 Shelby Lynne Barrackman was strangled to death by her grand- father when she licked the icing off of cupcakes. He was convicted of the crime on September 15, 1998. 2000 It was announced that Time-Warner had agreed to buy America On-line (AOL). It was the largest-ever corporate merger priced at $162 billion. The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) approved the deal on December 14, 2000. 2001 American Airlines agreed to acquire most of Trans World Airlines (TWA) assets for about $500 million. The deal brought an end to the financially troubled TWA. 2002 In France, the "Official Journal" reported that all women could get the morning-after contraception pill for free in pharmacies. 2003 North Korea announced that it was withdrawing from the global nuclear arms control treaty and that it had no plans to develop nuclear weapons. 2018 Do smiled. |
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