Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, July 9 ___________________________________________________ History on this day, July 9, in 1816, Argentina declared independence from Spain. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Extortion Rap For Woman Over OnlyFans Pix __________________________________________________ Education is a state-controlled manufactory of echoes. --- Norman Douglas When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. --- P. J. O'Rourke (1947 - ) _________________________________________________ Lost Again! You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra- high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?" Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way. The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane...only this time there were two people in the plane. The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!" ------------ I have been at Area 51, well on the outskirts anyway, just taking pictures of blooming cacti. I had a feeling of being watched with fancy telescopes, but never saw anybody and never talked to anybody. Just stay far away from buildings and you'll be fine. It is called Area 51 because it is at the end of road 51 which takes off to the left off Extraterrestrial Highway. __________________________________________________ Elizabeth was surprised to receive ten dollars from her Aunt for her birthday. The Aunt asked how she was going to spend it. "I'm taking it to Sunday School and giving it to God." the little girl replied. "He'll be just as surprised as I was at not getting a dollar like usual." __________________________________________________ >Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Eliza Jean Limite, 24, Tampa, Florida, USA Extortion Rap For Woman Over OnlyFans Pix In a bid to recoup a $45 debt from a former girlfriend, a Florida Woman allegedly copied images from her ex friends OnlyFans page and threatened to send the nude photos to the victims mother and grandmother, according to an extortion complaint. Investigators say Eliza Jean Limite, 24, was once in a romantic relationship with the victim and in the early stages of dating when she threatened to disseminate her nude images if not paid $45. Limite, cops charge, went to the victims OnlyFans page and screenshotted the nude images and saved them to her camera without authorization. Limite then texted one of the nude images to a third party and sent this proof of dissemination to the victim. In a subsequent text to the victim, Limite allegedly demanded the 45 you owe me or else she would send your nudes everywhere...and yes I have them all...maybe mom would wanna see them or grandma. Seen above, Limite was arrested Sunday on a felony extortion charge. She subsequently was released from the county jail after posting $10,000 bond on the felony count. According to online profiles, Limite graduated from the University of Tampa with a criminology degree and works as a legal assistant at a Tampa law firm. She also operates an online business selling zen candles, crystals, and art. __________________________________________________ On a military training exercise, the British divisional command radio operators were getting very bored one quiet night, when breaking the silence a voice asked over the air, "Are there any friendly bears listening?" After a moment, another voice replied, "Yes, I'm a friendly bear," and then another voice, "I'm a friendly bear too!" At this point, the Officer at Headquarters grabbed his microphone and let loose a blistering tirade at the operators for fooling around on an radio link. When he had finished, there was silence for about ten seconds. Then a small voice said, "He's not a very friendly bear. Let's go to Secret Command Frequency 69." Everybody shut down and went to sleep, because that frequency does not exist. Headquarters is apparently still searching for it. ___________________________________________________ One afternoon, a woman was in her back yard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. The woman could tell from the dogs collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when she walked into the house, the dog followed her, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and the woman let him out. The next day the dog was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, the woman pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon, your dog comes to my house for a nap." The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "We have ten children. He's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come over too?" __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water." "But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake." ____________________________________________________ Kristin Duff, Alberta ___________________________________________________ Classic from 40 years ago: One of Microsoft Network's finest support techs was drafted into the Army and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instructions, handed a rifle, and a couple of ammo clips. He loaded the rifle and fired several shots at the target which was fifty yards away. The report came from the target area that all of his attempts had completely missed the target. The tech looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then once more at the target. He placed his finger over the end of the barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off -- whereupon he yelled toward the target area: "It's leaving here just fine; the trouble must be at your end!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________________ Stumpy prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party he was giving. In his haste, however, he forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. He was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch. He called the local Poison Control Center and voiced his concern. They advised Stumpy to boil the sauce again. That night, the phone rang during dinner, and a guest volunteered to answer it. Stumpy's face dropped as the guest called out, "It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out." ___________________________________________________ Today, July 9 in 1878 - The corncob pipe was patented by Henry Tibbe. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________________ All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others. --- George Orwell (1903 - 1950) _____________________________________________________ The wife heard her husband come home much earlier than his usual time. She said, "Hon, what happened to your lodge meeting?" "It was postponed." he replied. "The wife of the Grand Exalted Potentate wouldn't let him attend tonight." _____________________________________________________ "My uncle ran for Senate last year." "Really? What does he do now?" "Nothing. He got elected." ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Lee Re: Photo App Hi Webby, I work with a Dell W10 laptop and everything is fine EXCEPT what ever it uses to open photos. It seems to open .jpg and similar files very slowly, if at all. What non-Microsoft app should I use? Thanks, Lee Dear Lee I have used JASC Paint Shop Pro since the mid 80s, long before the net. I kept renewing it until the mid 90's, but then stayed with Version 7. It still works fine on W7 and on W10 Corel has taken over Jasc, but they did not damage it. There are hundreds of graphics programs available. If you have too much money, Photoshop is reputed to be very nice. If you do 8 foot tall, 36 foot wide billboards, and also a lot of stamp sized miniatures, then get GIMP. It is free, but you definitely have to read the instructions. As you can probably imagine, I love PSP. EVERY single picture on the Humor Letter since the start of the Internet has gone through PSP. I even painted the jail house bars on the mug shots with it, and just paste them onto the properly resized mug shots. And of course also the nice picture of the day, no matter whether the picture is from my own camera or salvaged from the Internet. What I really love about PSP is that I can pretty well run it with hot-keys. Sure, you can mouse around all you want, but if you are in a hurry, you can do it with hot keys. I am not an affiliate and don't get a penny if you get PSP. I simply love it and over the decades I got pretty good at it, as you can tell by my pictures. Just find one graphics program, that you like. See if they have a forum. Lurk on that and watch what people say. If they do a lot of complaining and make it sound difficult, try the next one. When you find one, that seems good, try it. Some are free, some have a 30 day money back deal. Once you have settled on one, stick with it and totally ignore all others, just like you were married to it. No matter how complicated it is, you will soon get as good at it as I am with PSP. Keep in mind, if your laptop was originally a fast W7 machine, it will be a slow lemon with W10. The main purpose of W10 is to whip you into buying a brand new Chinese made W10 machine. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________________ A little girl was observed by her pastor standing outside the pre-school Sunday School classroom between Sunday School and worship, waiting for her parents to come and pick her up for "big church." The pastor noticed that she clutched a big storybook under her arms with the obvious title, "Jonah and the Whale." Feeling a little pernicious, he knelt down beside the little girl and began a conversation. "What's that you have in your hand?", he asked. "This is my storybook about Jonah and the Whale," she answered. "Tell me something, little girl," he continued, "do you believe that story about Jonah and that whale to be the truth?" The little girl implored, "Why of course I believe this story to be the truth!" He inquired further, "You really believe that a man can be swallowed up by a big whale, stay inside him all that time, and come out of there still alive and OK? You really believe all that can be true?" She declared, "Absolutely, this story is in the Bible and we studied about it in Sunday School today!" Then the pastor asked, "Well, little girl, can you prove to me that this story is the truth?" She thought for a moment and then said, "Well, when I get to Heaven, I'll ask Jonah." The pastor then asked, "Well, what if Jonah's not in Heaven?" She then put her hands on her little hips and sternly declared, "Then YOU can ask him!" ---------------- I have been in a whale. When I was in grade 3 a stuffed whale, carried on a train of about a dozen trailers was pulled into our village. Each class was herded over to the market Place, where they were parked and sent, one by one, into the mouth of the whale and eventually crawling out through the gills. SCARY!!!! So, yes, I have no problem believing the story of Jonah and the whale. ___________________________________________________ A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, "Are they relatives of yours?" "Yes," his wife replied. "I married into the family." _____________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________ Phi Kiem, Calgary Gopher ____________________________________________________ The wife heard her husband come home much earlier than his usual time. She said, "Hon, what happened to your lodge meeting?" "It was postponed." he replied. "The wife of the Grand Exalted Potentate wouldn't let him attend tonight." ___________________________________________________ "My uncle ran for Senate last year." "Really? What does he do now?" "Nothing. He got elected." ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
| Today, July 9, in 0118, Hadrian, Rome's new emperor, made his entry into the city. 0455, Avitus, the Roman military commander in Gaul, became Emperor of the West. 1540, England's King Henry VIII had his 6-month-old marriage to his fourth wife, Anne of Cleves, annulled. 1609, In a letter to the crown, the emperor Rudolf II granted Bohemia freedom of worship. 1755, General Edward Braddock was mortally wounded when French and Indian troops ambushed his force of British regulars and colonial militia. He died on July 13. 1776, The American Declaration of Independence was read aloud to Gen. George Washington's troops in New York. 1789, In Versailles, the French National Assembly declared itself the Constituent Assembly and began to prepare a French constitution. 1790, The Swedish navy captured one third of the Russian fleet at the naval battle of Svensksund in the Baltic Sea. 1792, S.L. Mitchell of Columbia College in New York City became the first Professor of Agriculture. 1808, The leather-splitting machine was patented by Samuel Parker. 1816, Argentina declared independence from Spain. 1847, A 10-hour work day was established for workers in the state of New Hampshire. 1868, The 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. The amendment was designed to grant citizenship to and protect the civil liberties of recently freed slaves. It did this by prohibiting states from denying or abridging the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States, depriving any person of his life, liberty, or property without due process of law, or denying to any person within their jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws. 1872, The doughnut cutter was patented by John F. Blondel. 1877, Alexander Graham Bell, Gardiner Greene Hubbard, Thomas Sanders and Thomas Watson formed the Bell Telephone Company. 1878, The corncob pipe was patented by Henry Tibbe. 1900, The Commonwealth of Australia was established by an act of the British Parliament, uniting the separate colonies under a federal government. 1922, Johnny Weissmuller became the first person to swim the 100 meters freestyle in less than a minute. 1943, American and British forces made an amphibious landing on Sicily. 1947, The engagement of Britain's Princess Elizabeth to Lt. Philip Mountbatten was announced. 1951, U.S. President Truman asked Congress to formally end the state of war between the United States and Germany. 1953, New York Airways began the first commuter passenger service by helicopter. 1971, The United States turned over complete responsibility of the Demilitarized Zone to South Vietnamese units. 1997, Mike Tyson was banned from the boxing ring and fined $3 million for biting the ear of opponent Evander Holyfield. 2005, Danny Way, a daredevil skateboarder, rolled down a large ramp and jumped across the Great Wall of China. He was the first person to clear the wall without motorized aid. 2015, The South Carolina House of Representatives approved taking down the Confederate flag from the Capitol grounds. The flag was removed the next day and taken to a state military museum. 2022 Do! smiled. |
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