Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, August 5 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Naked burglar helps himself to beer, food inside stranger's house and does his own laundry. Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, August 5 in 1981 The U.S. federal government started firing striking air traffic controllers. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
 If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity. --- Harlan Ellison (1934 - ) If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. --- Mark Twain ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ The American tourist stood staring at the highland sentry standing guard outside Edinburgh Castle. After a few minutes she went up to the sentry and asked 'I've always wanted to find out what's worn under the kilt'. The sentry replied: 'There is nothing worn, Ma'am. It's all in perfect working order.' _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
 If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  Thanks for your votes!
 _____________________________________________________ Little Johnny turns up in his classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher. Teacher: "Morning Johnny, and why weren't you at school yesterday?" Johnny: "Well Miss, my Grandad got burnt." Teacher: "Oh Dear, he wasn't too badly hurt I hope?" Johnny: "Nothing left but ashes, Ma'am. They don't mess around at those crematoriums." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Bethel Bailey, 54, Arlington, Tennessee  Naked burglar helps himself to beer, food inside stranger's house and does his own laundry.  A Shelby County cyclist broke into a home and started washing his clothes after his bike tire went flat. Shelby County Sheriff's Office arrested Bethel Bailey, 54, and charged him with aggravated burglary for what happened August 1 in Arlington. A woman arrived home at around 6 a.m. Wednesday to find a man standing in her hallway with one of her blankets wrapped around his naked body. She immediately called 911. Deputies arrived and identified Bailey as the man inside the home. Bailey told deputies he arrived at the home around 11 p.m. the night before. He said he was out cycling when his tire went flat. He knocked on the front door of the house, but nobody answered. So he went around to the back of the house and got inside the home when he learned the back door was unlocked. Bailey said he just wanted a ride home. So he decided to wait for the homeowner to return. While he waited, he helped himself to a few beers, a ham sandwich, and some cookies. He then decided to start washing his clothes. He said that's why he was naked when the homeowner arrived. Bailey was arrested and issued a $6,000 bond. 
  Tech Support Pits From: Eddie Re: POST beep decoder  Hi Mr Webby; Can you please tell me if this card is worth buying? Eddie POST PROBE PCI CARD  Dear Eddie That's just an old-fashioned POST (Power On Self Test) beep decoder. In the days when components were still repaired, some people used the beep decoders. For example, with an IBM 3270, (before the PC), 3 long beeps signalled keyboard problems, usually a stuck key. "Hmmm, sounds like you have been eating at your desk again!" Turning the keyboard upside down and whacking it on the desk hard enough that all the rest of the cube dwellers popped up like gophers, usually fixed THAT problem. A long and a two short beeps indicated problems with the CGA video card on early IBM PC's and Canon XT's. Usually that problem was due to the video card creeping part way out of it's slot from heating and cooling. That called for "Percussive Maintenance". Lift the computer 10 inches and drop it onto the desk. "There, Ma'am. Should work fine now. Call me when it does it again." And so on. In those days, a good troubleshooter had all the POST code beeps memorized. Since then, things have gotten a bit simpler. Nowadays you see the post code numbers on the screen, or get 4 beeps, if there is a problem with the video card. If re-seating all the cards and memory doesn't help, and the "power-good" LED on the motherboard is lit up, you just start pulling and/or exchanging cards until you got the one that was causing the problem. If that doesn't help, replace the motherboard. If the problem is the power supply, you can tell by the sound of the power supply fan, or lack thereof. You can read about the POST beep codes at http://www.pchell.com/hardware/beepcodes.shtml however, that beep decoder is more of a nostalgia item than a modern troubleshooter's tool. Have FUN DearWebby  
 Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. 
 After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. "I'm busy," he said, "I'll do the next one." The next time came around and she asked again. The husband looked puzzled, "Oh! I didn't mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby!" 
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 The customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef. "Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer said. "I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there." "Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use domestic cheese. Ours is imported." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Glass Doors On Wood Furniture If you have a nice piece of furniture with glass windows surrounded by wood, don't spray glass cleaner directly on the windows. Some of the cleaner is bound to get on the wood and can damage the finish. Dampen a rag with glass cleaner and then wipe the window clean with the rag.  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
  
 
Bizarre inventions in history that our ancestors had to use. 
 ___________________________________________________ A sailor gets off his ship in New York late one night, hails a taxi and asks to be taken to 42nd Street. Along the way, he suddenly realizes that he doesn't have any money. Well-trained to be resourceful, and familiar with cabs in New York, of course, he tells the driver, "Stop," and he jumps out of the cab. "I'm just going to run over here to the drugstore to get some matches," he says. "I dropped a $100 bill somewhere back here and I can't find it in the dark." The sailor goes into the drugstore, and as soon as he's through the door, the taxi speeds off into the night -- just as he thought it would. ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Definition Of Outdoor Barbecuing It's The Only Type Of Cooking Some Men Will Do: When A Man Volunteers To Do Such Cooking, The Following Chain Of Events Is Put Into Motion. (1) The Woman Goes To The Store. (2) The Woman Fixes The Salad, Vegetables, And Dessert. (3) The Woman Prepares The Meat For Cooking, Places It On A Tray Along With The Necessary Cooking Utensils, And Takes It To The Man, Who Is Lounging Beside The Grill, Drinking Beer. (4) The Man Places The Meat On The Grill. (5) The Woman Goes Inside To Set The Table And Check The Vegetables. (6) The Woman Comes Out To Tell The Man That The Meat Is Burning. (7) The Man Takes The Meat Off The Grill And Hands It To The Woman. (8) The Woman Prepares The Plates And Brings Them To The Table. (9) After Eating, The Woman Clears The Table And Does The Dishes. (10) The Man Asks The Woman How She Enjoyed "Her Night Off." And, Upon Seeing Her Annoyed Reaction, Concludes That There's Just No Pleasing Some Women. ____________________________________________________  
 Today, August 5 in 1833 The Village Of Chicago Was Incorporated. The Population Was Approximately 250. 1861 The U.S. Federal Government Levied Its First Income Tax. The Tax Was 3% Of All Incomes Over $800. The Wartime Measure Was Rescinded In 1872. 1914 The First Electric Traffic Signal Lights Were Installed In Cleveland, Ohio. 1921 The First Play-By-Play Broadcast Of A Baseball Game Was Done By Harold Arlin. Kdka Radio In Pittsburgh, Pa Described The Action Between The Pirates And Philadelphia. 1921 The Cartoon "On The Road To Moscow", By Rollin Kirby, Was Published In The "New York World". It Was The First Cartoon To Win A Pulitzer Prize. 1944 Polish Insurgents Liberated A German Labor Camp In Warsaw. 348 Jewish Prisoners Were Freed. 1953 During The Korean Conflict Prisoners Were Exchanged At Panmunjom. The Exchange Was Labeled Operation Big Switch. 1963 The Limited Test Ban Treaty Was Signed By The United States, Britain, And The Soviet Union. The Treaty Banned Nuclear Tests In Space, Underwater, And In The Atmosphere. 1964 U.S. Aircraft Bombed North Vietnam After North Vietnamese Boats Attacked U.S. Destroyers In The Gulf Of Tonkin. 1966 In New York, Groundbreaking For The Construction Of The Original World Trade Center Began. 1969 The Mariner 7, A U.S. Space Probe, Passed By Mars. Photographs And Scientific Data Were Sent Back To Earth. 1981 The U.S. Federal Government Started Firing Striking Air Traffic Controllers. 1986 It Was Revealed That Artist Andrew Wyeth Had Secretly Created 240 Drawings And Paintings Of His Neighbor. The Works Of Helga Testorf Had Been Created Over A 15-Year Period. 1989 In Honduras, Five Central American Presidents Began Meeting To Discuss The Timetable For The Dismantling Of The Nicaraguan Contra Bases. 1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush Angrily Denounced The Iraqi Invasion Of Kuwait. 1991 Iraq Admitted To Misleading U.N. Inspectors About Secret Biological Weapons. 1992 Federal Civil Rights Charges Were Filed Against Four Los Angeles Police Officers. The Officers Had Been Acquitted On California State Charges. Two Of The Officers Were Convicted And Jailed On Violation Of Civil Rights Charges. 1998 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein Began Not Cooperating With U.N. Weapons Inspectors. 2002 The U.S. Closed Its Consulate In Karachi, Pakistan. The Consulate Was Closed After Local Authorities Removed Large Concrete Blocks And Reopened The Road In Front Of The Building To Normal Traffic. 2009 Google Purchased Its First Public Company. The Company Was The Video Software Maker On2 Technologies. 2011 Nasa Announced That Its Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter Had Captured Photographic Evidence Of Possible Liquid Water On Mars During Warm Seasons. 2011 Juno Was Launched From Cape Canaveral Air Force Station On A Mission To Jupiter. It Was The First Solar- Powered Spacecraft To Go To Jupiter. 2011 Because Of Obama Standard & Poor's Financial Services Lowered The United States' Aaa Credit Rating By One Notch To Aa-Plus. 2018 Do smiled. 
 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them
in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog