Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, March 24 ______________________________________________________ Today, March 24 in 1837 Canada gave blacks the right to vote More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Today's Bonehead Award: Gun Charge For Dope Who Shot Self Below Belt  ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity. --- Tom Stoppard (1937 - ) The murals in restaurants are on par with the food in museums. --- Peter De Vries _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home. ______________________________________________________ Let's try that picture again:   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor:  An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Mark Anthony Jones, 46, Marion, Indiana  Gun Charge For Dope Who Shot Self Below Belt  The Indiana man who accidentally shot himself in the penis and scrotum has been charged with carrying a handgun without a license, according to court records. Mark Anthony Jones, 46, is facing a Class-A misdemeanor weapons charge in connection with the February 28 incident in Marion. A decision to charge Jones (seen at right) was made this month by the Grant County Prosecutor's Office after police forwarded the case for review. Jones, who lives in Marion, is the subject of an active arrest warrant filed in Marion City Court. According to police, Jones suffered an accidental self-inflicted gunshot injury while walking on a Marion street around 6:45 AM. During a hospital interview, Jones told cops that he had an unholstered Hi-Point 9mm handgun tucked in his waistband when the weapon began to slip. As detailed in a Marion Police Department report, Jones stated the gun does not belong to him and would not disclose who the owner was. Jones claimed that he had been in possession of the firearm for a day and was in the process of purchasing the weapon. While questioning the suspect, an officer took digital photographs documenting Mr. Jones' injury/s. When, Jones said, he reached down to adjust the gun, the firearm discharged. The bullet entered just above his penis and exited his scrotum,  
 From: Chris Re: Labels in Open Office  Dear DearWebby Can I do labels like address labels with Open Office, or do I have to use WORD for that? Chris  Dear Chris Yes, of course! I didn't realize that some people might still be using quaint old-fashioned WORD and Microsoft Office. In Open Office Write you click on File, New, Labels slect the brand, for example Avery, select Sheet, Letter Size, the Avery number, for example 5660. Click on New Document. Paste or type in the address, click on Synchronize, and the address is duplicated into 30 labels, or however many are on the selected brand and type of label sheet. You can, of course also pull different addresses for each label from a database. Just follow the on-screen instructions for that. It's really quite simple and intuitive, as long as you start with FILE, New, Labels Have FUN! DearWebby  
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 A tall, rugged man shows up at the condo pool. Mrs. Goldfarb reacts to this new face, and immediately closes in to begin questioning. She says "I think you might have been here, a long time ago, but I haven't seen you for many years." He says "I've been away." "Oh" she says "certainly not anywhere in Florida. You're very pale." He says "I've been in prison." A longer silence follows, and she says "Well, I know I'm being forward, but could I ask what for?" He says "I murdered my wife", then adds "with an ax." She says "So you're single now?" 
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 Thanks to Erika for this story: At the data-entry company where I work, the other operators and I share a coffeepot. One morning I took it into the ladies room to fill it with water. Then I began preening in the mirror, brushing my hair and reapplying some makeup. I didn't realize how long I'd been until someone slid a note under the door. "You win," it read. Any ransom demand will be met. Just release the coffeepot." ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Prevent Eye Glasses and Goggles from Fogging Up Apply a little foaming shaving cream to your glasses and then wipe it off to help prevent them from fogging up. This also works well for swimming and skiing goggles.  Thriftyfun.com   ____________________________________________________   
  
Real life gardens of earthly delights. 
 ___________________________________________________ Camping Tips! Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone. A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent trhowing weapon You can start a fire without matches by eating Mexican food, then breathing on a pile of dry sticks. In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear. The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling. Alternately, a ukelele placed on the camping table will keep the next spot free. The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations. The sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle. It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding mountain road behind a large motor home. In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to strangle a snoring tent mate. The most efficient way to get teenagers and spouses to unpack and set up camp, is to supervise from the door of the camp outhouse. ___________________________________________________ Sign posted in the Army recruiting office: "Girs! Marry a veteran. He can cook, make beds, sew, and is already used to taking orders." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 "What kind of music do you sing?" "Aqua-pella." "Don't you mean 'a cappella', singing without instrumental accompaniment?" "Nope. I mean 'aqua-pella', singing accompanied only by the water coming out of the shower-head." ___________________________________________________  
 Today March 24 in 1379 The Gelderse war ended. 1545 German Parliament opened in Worms. 1550 France and England signed the Peace of Boulogne. 1629 In Virginia, the first game law was passed in the American colonies. 1765 Britain passed the Quartering Act that required the American colonies to house 10,000 British troops in public and private buildings. 1828 The Philadelphia & Columbia Railway was authorized as the first state owned railway. 1832 Mormon Joseph Smith was beaten, tarred and feathered in Ohio. 1837 Canada gave blacks the right to vote 1848 A state of siege was proclaimed in Amsterdam. 1868 Metropolitan Life Insurance Company was formed. 1878 The British frigate Eurydice sank killing 300. 1880 The first "hail insurance company" was incorporated in Connecticut. It was known as Tobacco Growers' Mutual Insurance Company. 1882 In Berlin, German scientist Robert Koch announced the discovery of the tuberculosis germ (bacillus). 1883 The first telephone call between New York and Chicago took place. 1900 In New Jersey, the Carnegie Steel Corporation was formed. 1904 Vice Adm. Tojo sank seven Russian ships as the Japanese strengthened their blockade of Port Arthur. 1905 In Crete, a group led by Eleutherios Venizelos claimed independence from Turkey. 1906 In Mexico, the Tehuantepec Istmian Railroad opened as a rival to the Panama Canal. 1911 In Denmark, penal code reform abolished corporal punishment. 1920 The first U.S. coast guard air station was established at Morehead City, NC. 1924 Greece became a republic. 1927 Chinese Communists seized Nanking and break with Chiang Kai- shek over the Nationalist goals. 1932 Belle Baker hosted a radio variety show from a moving train. It was the first radio broadcast from a train. 1934 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed a bill granting future independence to the Philippines. 1938 The U.S. asked that all countries help refugees fleeing from the Nazis. 1944 In Rome, The Gestapo rounded up innocent Italians and shot them to death in response to a bomb attack that killed 32 German policemen. Over 300 civilians were executed. 1946 The Soviet Union announced that it was withdrawing its troops from Iran. 1955 Tennessee Williams' play "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" debuted on Broadway. 1955 The first oil drill seagoing rig was put into service. 1960 A U.S. appeals court ruled that the novel "Lady Chatterly's Lover" was not obscene and could be sent through the mail. 1972 Great Britain imposed direct rule over Northern Ireland. 1976 The president of Argentina, Isabel Peron, was deposed by her country's military. 1980 In San Salvador, Archbishop Oscar Arnulfo Romero was shot to death by gunmen as he celebrated Mass. 1982 Soviet leader Leonid L. Brezhnev stated that Russia was willing to resume border talks with China. 1985 Thousands demonstrated in Madrid against the NATO presence in Spain. 1989 The Exxon Valdez spilled 240,000 barrels (11 million gallons) of oil in Alaska's Prince William Sound after it ran aground. 1989 The U.S. decided to send humanitarian aid to the Contras. 1990 Indian troops left Sri Lanka. 1991 The African nation of Benin held its first presidential elections in about 30 years. 1993 In Israel, Ezer Weizman, an advocate of peace with neighboring Arab nations, was elected President. 1995 Russian forces surrounded Achkoi-Martan. It was one of the few remaining strongholds of rebels in Chechenia. 1995 The U.S. House of Representatives passed a welfare reform package that made the most changes in social programs since the New Deal. 1997 The Australian parliament overturned the world's first and only euthanasia law. 1998 In Jonesboro, AR, two young boys open fire at students from woods near a school. Four students and a teacher were killed and 10 others were injured. The two boys were 11 and 13 years old cousins. 1998 A former FBI agent said papers found in James Earl Ray's car supports a conspiracy theory in the assassination of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. 1999 NATO launched air strikes against Yugoslavia (Serbia, Montenegro, Kosovo and Vojvodina). The attacks marked the first time in its 50-year history that NATO attacked a sovereign country. The bombings were in response to Serbia's refusal to sign a peace treaty with ethnic Albanians who were seeking independence for the province of Kosovo. 1999 The 7-mile tunnel under Mont Blanc in France became an inferno after a truck carrying flour and margarine caught fire. At least 30 people were killed. 2002 Thieves stole five 17th century paintings from the Frans Hals Museum in the Dutch city of Haarlem. The paintings were worth about $2.6 million. The paintings were works by Jan Steen, Cornelis Bega, Adriaan van Ostade and Cornelis Dusart. 2005 The government of Kyrgyzstan collapsed after opposition protesters took over President Askar Akayev's presidential compound and government offices. 2006 In Spain, the Basque separatist group ETA announced a permanent cease-fire. 2014 It was announced that the U.S. and its allies would exclude Russia from the G8 meeting and boycott a planned summit in Sochi in response to Russia's takeover of Crimea. 2019 Do smiled. 
 

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