Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, August 20 _____________________________________________________ Today, August 20 in  1985 The original Xerox 914 copier was presented to the Smithsonian Institute's Museum of American History. Chester Carlson was the man who invented the machine. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Today's Bonehead Award: Capital Murder Suspect Tyrese Simmons arrested for Killing Dallas 9-Year-Old Brandoniya Bennett  _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  _______________________________________________ It is dangerous for a national candidate to say things that people might remember. --- Eugene McCarthy (1916 - 2005) The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. --- Samuel Johnson _______________________________________________ An elderly man went to the doctor for a visit. "Doc," he says," I am so stricken. I have chest pains, headaches, back pains, nausea, arthritis, constipation, stomach cramps, earaches, burning in the eyes, congested lungs..." "Sir," says the doctor, "you complain you have so many things. What don't you have?" The man answers, "Teeth." ________________________________________________`   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor:  An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Tyrese Simmons, 19, Dallas, Texas  Capital Murder Suspect Tyrese Simmons arrested for Killing Dallas 9-Year-Old Brandoniya Bennett  The suspect accused of shooting and killing a 9-year-old girl in her Dallas apartment was arrested Thursday evening and has been charged with capital murder. Tyrese Simmons, 19, turned himself in just hours after Dallas police identified him as the suspect in the death of Brandoniya Bennett. She was fatally shot while inside her apartment at the Roseland Townhomes in the 3500 block of Munger Avenue on Wednesday evening. Police said Simmons considered himself a rapper and was upset about another rapper, 17-year-old Benny Fountain, who insulted him in his lyrics. According to police, the 19-year-old retaliated by firing shots into what he thought was Fountain's apartment. One witness heard Simmons state that he was going to shoot at the residence, according to the affidavit. Instead, it was the wrong unit and the 9-year-old child was struck by his bullets, killing her. During a news conference Thursday afternoon, police identified Simmons as the suspect and released a picture of him. Later that evening, he turned himself in to authorities and was booked on a capital murder charge. Simmons remains in jail with a bond set at $500,000. Brandoniya's family described her as a free spirit and that she was looking forward to starting the fourth grade on Monday. Expensive Government dope is most definitely too good for the Capital Punishment in a case like this.  
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Sharon Re: Bonus link site not working  Dear Webby, Thanks for the fun and clean page.I am having trouble bringing up the bonus link...am i the only one? Thanks Sharon  Dear Sharon Seems to work fine now. It happens quite frequently that sites get overloaded, when thousands of Humor Letter subscribers storm in there shortly after they get to work. An hour later the site owners stop pulling their hair out, and start bragging about the fantastic number of visitors that suddenly popped in from all over the place. Have FUN! DearWebby 
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 As part of an effort at Fort Sill, Okla., to improve relations with the surrounding community, my unit held a car wash in the parking lot of a downtown business, with the profits to go to local charities. Volunteers received three-day passes, so there was no shortage of manpower, and we all decided to wear our camouflage uniforms to clearly identify us as soldiers. But it never occurred to us that the purpose of the "Company C Charity Car Wash" might be misunderstood until we overheard a man telling his wife, "These defense cutbacks must be really serious!" 
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 Several weeks after his birthday, I stopped by my sister's house and my 7 year old nephew greeted me with, "Thanks for the Sea Scout Signal Whistle you gave me for my birthday! It's the best birthday present I ever got." "That's great, Did you learn how to pipe any signals on it ?" "Oh, I don't play with it," the little guy said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to blow it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to blow it at night." ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Gift Jar Mixes Make people gift mixes in a jar as an inexpensive Christmas Gift. Use a nice canning jar and fill it with the dry ingredients for a baking recipe. Decorate the jar and attach the recipe so that the recipient can complete the recipe by adding the necessary wet ingredients. thriftyfun.Com  ____________________________________________________   
  
Shirk Report 539 
 ___________________________________________________ Anni got a part time job in a local restaurant to pick up a little spare change. Anni said she was concerned about being able to carry the heavy trays and serve from them but a co-worker explained that there were tray stands placed throughout the restaurant. A nervous Anni served all the lunches successfully last Saturday utilizing every stand she could find. Afterward Anni was concerned about an elderly couple that had finished some time ago paid their check, but remained sitting at the table. When Anni asked if everything had been all right. The man said quietly, " Yes, It was fine, dear, but my wife and I would like to leave now and we were wondering if she could she please have her walker back?" ___________________________________________________ The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention, so he asked one of his employees to write him a punchy, 20-minute speech. When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious. "What's the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?" he demanded to know. "Half the audience walked out before I finished." The employee was baffled. "I wrote you a 20-minute speech," he replied. "I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for." ___________________________________________________ "Now this is the verbal part of your employment test," said the interviewer. "Can you tell me what gross aggrandized annuity means?" "Certainly," replied the applicant. "It means I don't get the job." __________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, August 20 in 1741 Danish navigator Vitus Jonas Bering discovered Alaska. 1866 The National Labor Union in the U.S. advocated an eight-hour workday. 1882 Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture" debuted in Moscow. 1914 German forces occupied Brussels, Belgium, during World War I. 1918 The British opened its Western Front offensive during World War I. 1923 The first American dirigible, the "Shenandoah," was launched in Lakehurst, NJ. The ship began its maiden voyage from the same location on September 4. 1940 France fell to the Germans during World War II. 1953 It was announced by the Soviet Union that they had detonated a hydrogen bomb. 1955 In Morocco and Algeria hundreds of people were killed in anti-French rioting. 1955 Colonel Horace A. Hanes, a U.S. Air Force pilot, flew to an altitude of 40,000 feet. Hanes reached a speed of 822.135 miles per hour in a Super Sabrejet. 1967 The New York Times reported about a noise reduction system for album and tape recording developed by technicians R. and D.W. Dolby. Elektra Record's subsidiary, Checkmate Records became the first label to use the new Dolby process in its recordings. 1968 The Soviet Union and other Warsaw Pact nations began invading Czechoslovakia to crush the "Prague Spring" liberalization. 1977 Voyager 2 was launched by the United States. The spacecraft was carrying a 12 inch copper phonograph record containing greetings in dozens of languages, samples of music and sounds of nature. 1985 The original Xerox 914 copier was presented to the Smithsonian Institute's Museum of American History. Chester Carlson was the man who invented the machine. 1991 A rally of more than 100,000 people occurred outside the Russian parliament building to protest the coup that removed Gorbachev from power. 1997 NATO troops seized six police stations in Banja Luka that had been held by troops controlled by former Bosnian Serb President Radovan Karadzic. 1997 Britain began voluntary evacuation of its Caribbean island of Montserrat due to the volcanic activity of the Soufriere Hills. 1998 Canada's Supreme Court announced that Quebec could not secede without the federal government's consent. 1998 U.S. military forces attacked a terrorist camp in Afghanistan and a chemical plant in Sudan. Both targets were chosen for cruise missile strikes due to their connection with Osama bin Laden. 1998 The U.N. Security Council extended trade sanctions against Iraq for blocking arms inspections. 2010 The last American combat brigade exited Iraq after more than seven years after the U.S.-led invasion began. 2019 Do smiled.