s
| Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, September 8 ___________________________________________________ History on this day, September 8, in 1999, Russia's Mission Control switched off the Mir space station's central computer and other systems to save energy during a planned six months of unmanned flights. ____________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Casa Grande Man arrested for killing 4 members of his family ____________________________________________________ Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.... --- Carl Zwanzig What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left. --- Oscar Levant (1906 - 1972) The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) ____________________________________________________ One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving... seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?" "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years." ____________________________________________________ Starkle starkle little twink who the hell you are I think I'm not under what you call the alcofluence of incohol I'm just a little slort of sheep I'm not drunk like tinkle peep I don't know who is me yet but the drunker I stand here the longer I get Just give me one more drink to fill me cup 'cuz I got all day sober to Sunday up. __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin award has been earned by Graham John Kent 37, Blackpool, England, GB Man choked to death on his own vomit after hitting girlfriend with a hammer A man choked to death on his own vomit after taking cocaine and allegedly smashing his girlfriend over the head with a hammer, an inquest has heard. Graham John Kent, 37, was found unconscious and not breathing after police forced their way into his Blackpool flat in the early hours of August 2 last year. Terrified neighbours had dialled 999 after hearing banging and screaming before seeing a half-naked woman covered in blood crawling around on the floor. Mr Kents family told an inquest into his death at Blackpool Town Hall they believed he could have been saved if police gained entry to the flat sooner. The hearing was told that officers at the scene thought they could hear furniture being dragged around and suspected the dad-of-two was attempting to barricade himself inside. It was not until colleagues equipped with shields arrived some 17 minutes later that they finally entered the flat. Senior Coroner Alan Wilson described how they found Mr Kent, a forklift truck driver, lying on his back not breathing and with dark brown liquid coming from his nose and mouth. He was declared dead just under an hour later, at 1.27am. Mr Wilson told the hearing Mr Kent resided with his partner and they both lived a chaotic lifestyle and abused alcohol and drugs. He went on: Neighbours heard banging and screaming and witnessed Jennifer crawling outside, naked and calling for help. She said he had hit her on the head with a hammer. Mr Kents girlfriend was rushed to the Royal Preston Hospital where she underwent surgery for a fractured skull and a bleed on the brain. She was later arrested on suspicion of his murder after police suspected his death was caused by an injury, but this was later ruled out by a pathologist. A post-mortem examination concluded that the medical cause of death was inhalation of stomach contents due to cocaine toxicity. Home Office pathologist Dr Alison Armour told the inquest Mr Kents death would have been very rapid, saying: The underlying cause was cocaine toxicity which caused a fatal cardiac arrhythmia. Once Mr Kent collapsed and inhaled his vomit death was inevitable. _____________________________________________________ A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments to begin. One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. Honey, she said, "You received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it," he said. The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and fainted. On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without. _____________________________________________________ White Squirrel _____________________________________________________ >From Judy The joke about the kid wanting money reminded me of my little brother who was always "borrowing" money and never remembered to pay it back.Soon everyone learned to say they didn't have it if he asked to borrow money , then one night he asked me if I had change for a twenty dollar bill,like a fool I said yes. He said "Can I borrow it?" He got me again!! _____________________________________________________ Northern Shoveler early morning flyby against the smoky sun Frank Lake, east of High River - September 4, 2022 Northern Shoveler early morning flyby against the smoky sun Frank Lake, east of High River - September 4, 2022 ___________________________________________________ An old man and old woman had been married for about 52 years when one day the old woman died. The entire family showed up to the funeral. Every day after the funeral the old man would show up at the grave with his dog and spend a few minutes out there. About two months later a priest saw the old man out there with his dog and decided to go talk to the old man. "Hello there. You know, we see you come out here every day to visit your wife's grave and we just think that so sweet. We were all wondering if the dog is something that was special to your wife since you always bring it out here with you." "No, actually I bring the dog out here to piss on the grave. I'd do it myself, but I'd get arrested for indecent exposure." _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Frank RE: Reading camera chips Dear Webby, My good ol laptop used to be able to read camera chips via the little slot in the side, but seems to have gone deaf and dumb. Is that fixable? Frank Dear Dear Frank Theoretically, that MIGHT be fixable, but actually it is not worth it. They would charge you a lot of money for that. Just get a cheap $9 - $12 chip reader, that plugs into a USB port. I bought mine probably 25 years ago while on a cactus safari in Northern Arizona. It has outlived many computers and still works just fine. Most likely it will continue to work as long as computers have standard USB sockets, and new Windows versions don't sabotage you. Then you will have to spend another $12. HaveFUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ >From Eva My boyfriend and I met online and we'd been dating for over a year. I introduced Hans to my uncle, who was fascinated by the fact that we me over the Internet. He asked Hans what kind of line he had used to pick me up. Ever the geek, Hans naively replied," I just used a regular DSL modem." _____________________________________________________ Heart Attacks...God's revenge for eating His vegetable friends. _____________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, September 8, in 1565, A Spanish expedition established the first permanent European settlement in North America at present-day St. Augustine, FL. 1664, The Dutch surrendered New Amsterdam to the British, who then renamed it New York. 1866, The first recorded birth of sextuplets took place in Chicago, IL. The parents were James and Jennie Bushnell. 1892, An early version of "The Pledge of Allegiance" appeared in "The Youth's Companion." 1893, In New Zealand, the Electoral Act 1893 was passed by the Legislative Council. It was consented by the governor on September 19 giving all women in New Zealand the right to vote. 1935, U.S. Senator Huey P. Long, "The Kingfish" of Louisiana politics, was shot and mortally wounded. He died two days later. 1945, In Washington, DC, a bus equipped with a two-way radio was put into service for the first time. 1945, Bess Myerson of New York was crowned Miss America. She was the first Jewish contestant to win the title. 1951, A peace treaty with Japan was signed by 48 other nations in San Francisco, CA. 1960, NASA's Marshall Space Flight Center in Huntsville, AL, was dedicated by U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower. The facility had been activated in July earlier that year. 1966, NBC-TV aired the first episode of "Star Trek" entitled "The Man Trap". The show was canceled on September 2, 1969. 1971, In Washington, DC, the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts was inaugurated. The opening featured the premiere of Leonard Bernstein's "Mass." 1974, U.S. President Ford granted an unconditional pardon to former U.S. President Nixon. 1975, In Boston, MA, public schools began their court- ordered citywide busing program amid scattered incidents of violence. 1997, America Online acquired CompuServe. 1999, Russia's Mission Control switched off the Mir space station's central computer and other systems to save energy during a planned six months of unmanned flights. 2015, British researchers announced that evidence of a larger version of Stonehenge had been located about 2 miles from the Stonehenge location. There were 90 buried stones that had been found by ground penetrating radar. 2022 Do! smiled. |
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Go to TOP
Well, Do , that's all for today.
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
Please give a friend a subscription to the Humor Letter
If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name,
or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me.
I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly
from then on.
If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't
have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me.
I will gladly enter them for you and send them a confirmation request.
To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to humor@webby.com
If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time,
then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription.
If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/sub.html
You can also UNsubscribe there.
If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter,
please unsubscribe by clicking the link below:
You are currently subscribed to the Regular HTML version with this address:
newsletter@newslettercollector.com
UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular HTMLversion Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter | . |
