Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, June 18 ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Illinois man guilty of battering infant ___________________________________________________ History on this day, June 15, in 2009, Greenland assumed control over its law enforcement, judicial affairs, and natural resources from the Kingdom of Denmark. Greenlandic became the official language. ___________________________________________________ Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. --- A. H. Weiler (1909 - 2002) The intermediate stage between socialism and capitalism is alcoholism. --- Norman Brenner ___________________________________________________ >From Dasha I know I shouldnt have done this, but I am 83 years old and I was in the McDonalds drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn and started mouthing something because I was taking too long to place my order. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own. The cashier must have told her what I'd done because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness. When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too. Now she has to go back to the end of the queue and start all over again, Don't blow your horn at old people, they have been around a long time. ___________________________________________________ "Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one." Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk." Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it" Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk." Milkman. please could I have a loaf but not bread today." Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks." Sorry about yesterdays note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round." When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress. Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last nights Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened." My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle." Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me." Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it." >From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk." My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight." Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday." When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don't leave any milk. No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice." ___________________________________________________ >Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brian Clemente, 28, Aurora, Illinois, USA Illinois man guilty of battering infant 28 year old Brian Clemente of the 700 block of North Ave in Aurora has been found guilty by a judge of the offenses of aggravated battery to a child causing bodily harm; a Class X felony and aggravated domestic battery causing bodily harm; a Class 2 felony. The Kane County State's Attorney's Office says Clemente was drunk and angry when he asked his girlfriend if he was the father of their 2 month old daughter. He took the baby out of her bedroom and beat and kicked her causing injuries. Clemente remains in Custody at the Kane County Jail. ___________________________________________________ Faced with hard times, the company offered a bonus of one thousand dollars to any employee who could come up with a way of saving money. The bonus went to a young woman in accounting who suggested limiting future bonuses to ten dollars. She was the first one to get the new bonus. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for our anniversary. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight." he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it, and found a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams." ____________________________________________________ Hubble Butterfly Nebula ___________________________________________________ After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for our anniversary. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight." he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams." ____________________________________________________ "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? ___________________________________________________ DeaWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Chuck Re: Refilling toner Dear Webby Thanks. But those places sell the complete cartridge. What about filling the used cartridge yourself? Do you do that? Do these places take your used cartridges and refill them for you? Chuck Dear Chuck Buying the chip separately is a gamble. I think Samsung has gotten wise to that. Reputable toner dealers sell you toner with a properly zeroed chip already installed. Personally, I have not had much luck with separate chips, and now just buy complete toner, with the chip already zeroed and intalled.. I am still using https://atlanticinkjet.com/ Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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________________________________________________ Nina and Rosey shared the chores. One day, Nina went to the grocery store while Rosey stayed home and washed the dishes. Along with to the healthful items on their carefully prepared shopping list, Nina returned with a box of sugar laden cookies. Nina noticed Rosey's glare and said, "This box of cookies has one-third fewer calories than usual." "Oh really?" Rosey questioned suspiciously. "Why is that?" And Nina said, "I ate a third of the cookies on the way home." __________________________________________ When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. "Good heavens," he said, "what is this?" "Why, it's bean soup," she replied. "I don't care what it's been," he replied. "What is it now?" _______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
| Today, June 18, in 1155, Frederick I Barbarossa was crowned emperor of Rome. 1429, French forces defeated the English at the battle of Patay. The English had been retreating after the siege of Orleans. 1621, The first duel in America took place in the Plymouth Colony in Massachusetts. 1667, The Dutch fleet sailed up the Thames toward London. 1778, Britain evacuated Philadelphia during the U.S. Revolutionary War. 1812, The War of 1812 began as the U.S. declared war against Great Britain. The conflict began over trade restrictions. 1815, At the Battle of Waterloo Napoleon was defeated by an international army under the Duke of Wellington. Napoleon abdicated on June 22. 1817, London's Waterloo Bridge opened. The bridge, designed by John Rennie, was built over the River Thames. 1861, The first American fly-casting tournament was held in Utica, NY. 1863, J.J. Richardson received a patent for the ratchet wrench. 1873, Susan B. Anthony was fined $100 for attempting to vote for a U.S. President. She never paid the fine. 1898, Atlantic City, NJ, opened its Steel Pier. 1915, During World War I, the second battle of Artois ended. 1918, Allied forces on the Western Front began their largest counter-attack against the German army. (World War I) 1925, The first degree in landscape architecture was granted by Harvard University. 1927, The U.S. Post Office offered a special 10-cent postage stamp for sale. The stamp was of Charles Lindberghs "Spirit of St. Louis." 1928, Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across the Atlantic Ocean as she completed a flight from Newfoundland to Wales. 1936, The first bicycle traffic court was established in Racine, WI. 1942, The U.S. Navy commissioned its first black officer, Harvard University medical student Bernard Whitfield Robinson. 1948, The United Nations Commission on Human Rights adopted its International Declaration of Human Rights. 1951, General Vo Nguyen Giap ended his Red River Campaign against the French in Indochina. 1953, Egypt was proclaimed to be a republic with General Neguib as its first president. 1959, A Federal Court annulled the Arkansas law allowing school closings to prevent integration. 1959, The first telecast received from England was broadcast in the U.S. over NBC-TV. 1961, "Gunsmoke" was broadcast for the last time on CBS radio. 1966, Samuel Nabrit became the first African American to serve on the Atomic Energy Commission. 1979, In Vienna, U.S. President Jimmy Carter and Leonid Brezhnev signed the Strategic Arms Limitation Treaty (SALT) 2. 1982, The U.S. Senate approved the renewal of the 1965 Voting Rights Act for an additional twenty-five years. 1983, Dr. Sally Ride became the first American woman in space aboard the space shuttle Challenger. 1998, The Walt Disney Co. purchased a 43% stake in the Web search engine company Infoseek Corp. 1998, Nine commemorative U.S. postage stamps were reissued. The stamps were considered to be classically beautiful examples of stamp engraving. 1998, "The Boston Globe" asked Patricia Smith to resign after she admitted to inventing people and quotes in four of her recent columns. 1999, Walt Disney's "Tarzan" opened. 2000, In Algiers, Algeria, the foreign ministers of Ethiopia and Eritrea signed a preliminary cease-fire accord and agreed to work toward a permanent settlement of their two-year border war. 2009, NASA launched the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter/LCROSS probes to the Moon. It was the first American lunar mission since Lunar Prospector in 1998. 2009, Greenland assumed control over its law enforcement, judicial affairs, and natural resources from the Kingdom of Denmark. Greenlandic became the official language. 2022 Do! smiled. |
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