Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, July 25 _____________________________________________________ Today, July 25 in 2016 Verizon Communications agreed to purchase Yahoo!'s operating business for $4.83 billion with the intention to merge it with AOL. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Georgia woman held up Mcdonalds after accusing them of serving fries that were not hot _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered. --- G. K. Chesterton _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Darlene for this Classic: A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy father and thy mother,' she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?' Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, 'Thou shall not kill.' ______________________________________________________` Vortex Aurora _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lillian Shantel Tarver, 27, Garden City, Georgia r Georgia woman held up Mcdonalds after accusing them of serving fries that were not hot A McDonald's customer who complained that her french fries were cold fired a gunshot into the floor of a Georgia restaurant and then led cops on a car chase before being apprehended, according to investigators. Lillian Shantel Tarver, 27, yesterday afternoon ordered food from the McDonald's in Garden City, a Savannah suburb. But Tarver, seen at right, was not happy with her meal since, she said, the french fries were not hot. Tarver, who had a gun in her hand, demanded a refund. As a worker went to retrieve a new order of fries, the McDonald's owner opened a cash register and told the armed Tarver to take what she wanted. After allegedly grabbing some cash from the register, Tarver fired a round into the kitchen floor and fled the McDonald's. After a short pursuit, Tarver was arrested by Garden City Police Department officers. Tarver was charged with multiple felonies, including armed robbery, aggravated assault, fleeing police, and firearms possession. She also faces reckless conduct, battery, aggressive driving, and reckless driving counts. Bond has not been set for Tarver, who is locked up in the Chatham County jail. Tarver's rap sheet includes arrests in Florida's Miami-Dade county for theft, marijuana possession, and criminal mischief. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Patti Re: Registry fixer Dear Webby, today I went looking thru your Tools page to find a good registry cleaner because I trust your recommendations wholeheartedly and have always been pleased with your advice. However, I was unable to find a tool for cleaning the registry.(Maybe I overlooked it, I'm OLD ya know!LOL) I have Registry Defender right now...trouble is they will only fix 20 at a time and according to them I have about a thousand that need fixing. Can you recommend a good one? Even if it's not free that's ok. I'm really worried that this problem could do some damage to my pc. Thanks in advance, Patti Dear Patti Almost all registry cleaners are just a crooked rip-off. Especially, when they claim that you have hudreds or thousands of registry errors.Your machine would not run if you had that many registry errors. Crap Cleaner and Spyware search and Destroy have registry cleaners included, and the old versions are all free. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, 'What do you think about all this Satan stuff?' The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad.' | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?' He answered, 'Call for backup.' ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Oatmeal Face Scrub Make a paste with oatmeal and water and apply it liberally to your face. Let the paste dry completely and then rub it off with your fingers. As you remove the oatmeal you will also remove any dead skin. Lastly, rinse your face with warm water. thriftyfun.Com ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married.... and then it was too late!" Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL. When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at. (Epperson's law) Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting. (Ray Bandy) If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry. (Chekhov) Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. (Woody Allen) Once a boy becomes a man, he's a man all his life. But a woman is only sexy until she becomes your wife. (Al Bundy) If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam. ( Johnny Carson) Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back. (Al Bundy) An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her. (Agatha Christie) ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this story: Case Closed Several women appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived. The women were arguing noisily even in the court. The judge, banging his gavel to quiet them, said, "We are going to do this in an orderly manner. I can't listen to all of you at once. I'll hear the oldest first." The case was dismissed for lack of testimony. ___________________________________________________ Here is a cute classic that brings a smile every time: The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?" Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, Is your Daddy home? "Yes", whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No." Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes", came the answer. "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "no." Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child. "Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman. Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he's busy", whispered the child. "Busy doing what? asked the boss. "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?" "A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper." Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there? Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "They're looking for me." __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A guy found a magic lamp, rubbed it, and a genie appeared and gave him the Midas touch. For the rest of his life, everything he touched turned into a muffler. ___________________________________________________ | Today, July 25 in 0326 Constantine refused to carry out the traditional pagan sacrifices. 1394 Charles VI of France issued a decree for the general expulsion of Jews from France. 1564 Maximillian II became emperor of the Holy Roman Empire. 1587 Japanese strong-man Hideyoshi banned Christianity in Japan and ordered all Christians to leave. 1593 France's King Henry IV converted from Protestantism to Roman Catholicism. 1759 British forces defeated a French army at Fort Niagara in Canada. 1799 Napoleon Bonaparte defeated the Ottomans at Aboukir, Egypt. 1805 Aaron Burr visited New Orleans with plans to establish a new country, with New Orleans as the capital city. 1845 China granted Belgium equal trading rights with Britain, France and the United States. 1850 Gold was discovered in the Rogue River in OR. 1854 The paper collar was patented by Walter Hunt. 1861 The Crittenden Resolution, which called for the American Civil War to be fought to preserve the Union and not for slavery, was passed by the U.S. Congress. 1871 Seth Wheeler patented perforated wrapping paper. 1907 Korea became a protectorate of Japan. 1909 French aviator Louis Bleriot flew across the English Channel in a monoplane. He traveled from Calais to Dover in 37 minutes. He was the first man to fly across the channel. 1914 Russia declared that it would act to protect Serbian sovereignty. 1924 Greece announced the deportation of 50,000 Armenians. 1941 The U.S. government froze all Japanese and Chinese assets. 1943 Italian Fascist dictator Benito Mussolini was overthrown in a coup. 1946 The U.S. detonated an atomic bomb at Bikini Atoll in the Pacific. It was the first underwater test of the device. 1947 Fortune Gordien of Oslo, Norway set a world record discus throw of 178.47 feet. 1952 Puerto Rico became a self-governing commonwealth of the U.S. 1978 Louise Joy Brown, the first test-tube baby, was born in Oldham, England. She had been conceived through in-vitro fertilization. 1984 Soviet cosmonaut Svetlana Savitskaya became the first woman to walk in space. She was aboard the orbiting space station Salyut 7. 1994 Israel and Jordan formally ended the state of war that had existed between them since 1948. 1998 The USS Harry S. Truman was commissioned and put into service by the U.S. Navy. 1999 Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France. He was only the second American to win the race. 2010 WikiLeaks leaked to the public more than 90,000 internal reports involving the U.S.-led War in Afghanistan from 2004-2010. 2016 Verizon Communications agreed to purchase Yahoo!'s operating business for $4.83 billion with the intention to merge it with AOL. 2019 Do smiled. |
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