me Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, August 6 Thank you, James!!! ____________________________________________________ History: today, August 5 in 1981, Fire fighters in Indianapolis, IN, answered a false alarm. When they returned to their station it was ablaze due to a grease fire. ___________________________________________________ Bonehead award Bank burglar lands in recycling bin as police wait and watch and video ___________________________________________________ Q No one travelling on a business trip would be missed if he failed to arrive. --- Thorstein Veblen (1857 - 1929) The smaller the mind the greater the conceit. --- Aesop (620 BC - 560 BC) A philanthropist is someone who returns publicly what he stole privately. --- George Bernard Shaw ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" To which she replied "Probably that I married you for your money." ___________________________________________________ One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?' 'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?' He yelled back, 'OHIO STATE!' And they say blondes are dumb! ___________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile." "Thank God," returned Mr. Carr, "I thought you were going to want cash!" ____________________________________________________ One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so. The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river." *Poof!* God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, after almost drowning a couple of times. Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength ..and the tools to cross this river." *Poof!* God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times. The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools...And the intelligence... To cross this river." And *Poof!* God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge. ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Oldie Last Tuesday, as President Obama got off the Helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm.. The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, Salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, Sir." The President replies: "These are not pigs. These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi." The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, Salutes, and says: "Excellent trade, sir." __________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits from: Edith re: Reminder service Dear Webby Once upon a time, long, long ago, you mentioned a free reminder service. At that time I still had a memory, and did not need it. NOW I need it. Where do I get it? Edith Dear Edith It is called: Mymemorizer and is at http://MyMemorizer.com The data is "on the cloud", not your computer. You can get to it from anybody's machine, even a hotel lobby computer. As long as you remember your email address and your password, you have full access. Have FUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ During a service at an old synagogue in Eastern Europe, when the Shema prayer was said, half the congregants stood up and half remained sitting. The half that was seated started yelling at those standing to sit down, and the ones standing yelled at the ones sitting to stand up. The rabbi, learned as he was in the Law and commentaries, didn't know what to do. His congregation suggested that he consult a house-bound 98 year old man, who was one of the original founders of their temple. The rabbi hoped the elderly man would be able to tell him what the actual temple tradition was, so he went to the nursing home with a representative of each faction of the congregation. The one whose followers stood during Shema said to the old man, "Is the tradition to stand during this prayer?" The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition." The one whose followers sat asked, "Is the tradition to sit during Shema?" The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition." Then the rabbi said to the old man, "The congregants fight all the time, yelling at each other about whether they should sit or stand..." The old man interrupted, exclaiming, "THAT is the tradition!" ________________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock Bank burglar lands in recycling bin as police wait and watch and video Tristan J. Heidl, Huron, Ohio, USA A bank burglar in Ohio thought he would soften his escape by landing in a recycling bin, but video from a police-worn body camera shows he landed himself an arrest and a lot of embarrassment instead. Huron Police Chief Terry Graham said officers responded to an alarm at a local credit union around 2:15 a.m. on July 26. While searching outside the building, police said they heard noises coming from inside the roof area over the drive-thru. They also found a blue recycling bin placed in the middle of a drive-thru lane directly under a roof access door, Graham said. As police slowly approached the bin, the access door opened and a black backpack fell to the ground, video shows. Shortly after, a man came through the roofs access door and fell into the recycling bin as officers waited with guns drawn and screamed for him to get on the ground. The exasperated suspect, later identified as 27-year-old Tristan Heidl of Huron, uttered profanities when he realized he was busted. Heidl was arrested on charges of breaking and entering, possession of criminal tools and safecracking. He was booked into the Erie County Jail on a $50,000 bond. ___________________________________________________ A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids." ___________________________________________________ How many members of your sign does it take to change a light bulb? ARIES: Just one. You want to make something of it? TAURUS: One, but just try to convince them that the burned- out bulb is useless and should be thrown away. GEMINI: Two, but the job never gets done -- they just keep discussing who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done! CANCER: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grieving process. LEO: Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're out. VIRGO: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- one millionth. LIBRA: Er, two. Or maybe one. No, on second thought, make that two. Is that okay with you? SCORPIO: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order. SAGITTARIUS: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb? CAPRICORN: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes. AQUARIUS: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so.... PISCES: Light bulb? What light bulb? __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work, please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today August 6, in 1787, At the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia debate began on the first draft of the U.S. Constitution. 1806, The Holy Roman Empire went out of existence as Emperor Francis II abdicated. 1825, Bolivia declared independence from Peru. 1879, The first Australian rules football game to be played at night took place at the Melbourne Cricket Ground. The game was to promote the introduction of electricity to the city of Melbourne. 1914, Austria-Hungary declared war against Russia. Serbia declared war against Germany. 1926, Gertrude Ederle became the first American woman to swim the English Channel. She was 19 years old at the time. The swim took her 14 1/2 hours. 1926, Warner Brothers premiered its Vitaphone system in New York. The movie was "Don Juan," starring John Barrymore. 1945, The American B-29 bomber, known as the Enola Gay, dropped the first atomic bomb on an inhabited area. The bomb named "Little Boy" was dropped over the center of Hiroshima, Japan. An estimated 140,000 people were killed. (8:16am Japanese time) 1960, Nationalization of U.S. and foreign-owned property in Cuba began. 1962, Jamaica became an independent dominion within the British Commonwealth. 1965, The Voting Rights Act was signed by U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson. 1981, Fire fighters in Indianapolis, IN, answered a false alarm. When they returned to their station it was ablaze due to a grease fire. 1985, The 40th anniversary of the Hiroshima atomic bombing brought tens of thousands of Japanese and foreigners to Hiroshima. 1986, William J. Schroeder died. He lived 620 days with the Jarvik-7 manmade heart. He was the world's longest surviving recipient of a permanent artificial heart. 1989, Jaime Paz Zamora was inaugurated as the president of Bolivia. 1990, The U.N. Security Council ordered a worldwide trade embargo with Iraq. The embargo was to punish Iraq for invading Kuwait. 1993, Morihiro Hosokawa was elected prime minister of Japan. 1995, Thousands of glowing lanterns were set afloat in rivers in Hiroshima, Japan, on the 50th anniversary of the first atomic bombing. 1996, NASA announced the discovery of evidence of primitive life on Mars. The evidence came in the form of a meteorite that was found in Antarctica. The meteorite was believed to have come from Mars and contained a fossil. 1997, Apple Computer and Microsoft agreed to share technology in a deal giving Microsoft a stake in Apple's survival. 1998, Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky spent 8 1/2 hours testifying before a grand jury about her relationship with U.S. President Clinton. 2012, The Mars rover Curiosity landed on the floor of Gale Crater. The Mars Science Laboratory/Curiosity spacecraft launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, FL, on November 26, 2011. 2023, Do smiled.
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