Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, August 17 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!  The smoke is back. BC has 566 wildfires burning out of control and flying embers and burning branches starting new fires every day. So far this year more than 1,800 fires have charred some 380,000 hectares (939,000 acres). Last year saw 1.2m hectares (2,965,264 acres) scorched by fires raging in the BC province. Even though that is only aboout one third of the fires from last year and a long way from a record, we seem to get more smoke than usual. Yukon, please send us some fresh, cool air! Congratulations to Gary and Pam, subscribers in the Yukon, who are getting married today! Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Man arrested for smashing police cruiser window with a brick charged with a hate crime Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, August 17 in 1998 U.S. President Clinton admitted to having an improper relationship with Monica Lewinsky, a White House intern. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
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 Frank Wilczek (1951 - ) Silent gratitude isn't very much use to anyone. --- Gertrude Stein (1874 - 1946) Today's scientists have substituted mathematics for experiments, and they wander off through equation after equation, and eventually build a structure which has no relation to reality. --- Nikola Tesla, Modern Mechanics and Inventions, July, 1934 (Tesla was the inventor of ALL the AC motors) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility. One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked after it?" After a moment, her 5-year-old son replied quizzically, "Er.... Once?" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ IF WEBSITES HAD WARNING LABELS Google: "Warning! You may actually find more than what you're looking for." Blogs: "Will cause drowsiness." Microsoft: "Warning! Bill Gates isn't *ever* going to share his money with YOU." Facebook: "Age, gender, and attractiveness of members may differ from what is posted." Apple Computers: "Warning! High Smug Advisory." Wikipedia: "Warning label does not exist. Would you like to create warning label?" iTunes: "Be alert for falling album sales and shifting music industry paradigms." YouTube: "Warning! Contents may be stupid." Match.com: "Contents may just be fictitious." ______________________________________________________   Commuter Broom _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ If the car ad claims... It really means: - rough condition... too bad to lie about - parts car... beyond repair - immaculate... recently washed - engine quiet... if you use 90-weight oil - needs minor overhaul... needs engine - needs major overhaul... Phone the junkyard - burns no oil... (it all leaks out) - rebuilt engine... Cleaned the spark plugs. - Drive it away... I live on a hill. - Drive it anywhere... (within 10 miles) - desirable classic... No one wants it. - rare classic... No one wanted it even when it was new. - stored 20 years... (in a farmer's field) - ran when stored... Won't start - my grandmother's car... First gear is worn out - good rubber.... A few years ago - needs inspection.... Can't find a mechanic who will lie - was just driven by a little old lady... I actually fell for that when I was a new immigrant in 1970. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Devon Adams-Almstad, 20, Hartford, Connecticut  Man arrested for smashing police cruiser window with a brick charged with a hate crime  A police department in the state of Connecticut is arguing that recent attacks against police officers involving a man who threw bricks through a cruiser window are guilty of committing a hate crime. Why? Because the man said he hated white cops. Ironically, the suspect himself is white. What a world we live in, right? You cant make this stuff up. A Connecticut police department is arguing that attacks against officers count as a hate crime after a man threw a brick through a cruiser window and reportedly said he hates white cops. The Hartford Courant reported that 20-year-old Devon Adams- Almstad was charged with first-degree criminal mischief, assault on police, reckless endangerment, hate crime and breach of peace after throwing the brick that narrowly missed an officers head and left him with cuts from the windows broken glass. According to the police report, the man claimed he he hates white police officers because they shoot black people and that he hates all of us at some point during the incident. Perhaps a nice stint in prison will help straighten this guy out and help him grow up a bit. Nayve it is not too late to cleanse his brain of liberalism and try to make something out of his life. 
  From: Hugh@ Yahoo Re: REMOVE!  Hugh Roberts wrote: Please remove my address from all your servers.   Dear Hugh You don't have an account with us and I can't remove your address from anything. Most likely you have been fooled by some spoofs, that were sent to you by the Yahoo Spoof&Spam server. Can't help you there. You will have to contact Yahoo yourself. Have FUN DearWebby  
 Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. 
 A church had a man in the choir who couldn't sing. Several people hinted to him that he could serve in other places, but he continued to come to the choir. The choir director became desperate and went to the pastor. "You've got to get that man out of the choir," he said. "If you don't, I'm going to resign. The choir members are going to quit too. Please do something." So the pastor went to the man and suggested, "Perhaps you should leave the choir." "Why should I get out of the choir?" he asked. "Well, five or six people have told me you can't sing." That's nothing," the man snorted. "Fifty people have told me that you can't preach!" 
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 FACTS OF LIFE Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content. Home is where you can say anything you like, 'cause nobody listens to you anyway. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. I don't have a big ego. I'm way too cool for that. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'? Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while driving. If God had intended for man to use the metric system, Jesus would have only had ten disciples! I have learned there is little difference in husbands, you might as well keep the first. Travel is very educational. I can now say "Kaopectate" in seven different languages. I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horseback riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters." Women should not have children after 35. Really... 35 children are enough. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys. After all is said and done, usually more is said than done. I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been giving me lately! "No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning." I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: CHECKOUT TIME IS 18." "How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?" How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on. On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was... surrounded by trees and bushes. ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Workshop Outlets Clean Getting sawdust or other matter in your outlets can be dangerous. Put child safety covers on outlets that are not in use in your workshop. You can use a vacuum or canned air to clean them out.  DON'T use canned air! Don't even allow it near your house! If you HAVE to fling sawdust and stuff into your eyes and down your cleavage, use a tire pump, either a manual or an electric one. Those cheap 12 Volt emergency tire pumps connected to a trickle-charger work quite fine, especially for blowing across epoxy varnish to suck the bubbles out. But don't let those air cans near your house if you have teens! They "huff" the stuff to get high, and every year a bunch of them die. Ideal is an old canister vaccuum placed outside and in a large plastic garbage can with a hole in the lid. The plastic garbage can muffles the noise, and you can attach a return hose to bring the filtered air back inside. If you don't have a return hose, the air removed by the vacuum is replaced by uncontrolled drafts, which might be quite undesirable in some climates. By the way, vaccum cleaner extension hoses cost $25 - $50 at the store. Vacuum cleaners that don't work any more, are $2 - $5 at garage sales. You can join different model hoses with a short piece of bicycle inner tube and a hose clamp or a tie made from haywire. Have FUN! DearWebby  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
  
 
Let's wander Mongolia 
 ___________________________________________________ Traveling through New England, a motorist stopped for gas in a tiny village. "What's this place called?" he asked the station attendant. "All depends," the native drawled. "Do you mean by them that has to live in this dad-blamed, moth-eaten, dust- covered dump, or by them that's merely enjoying its quaint and picturesque rustic charms for a short spell ?" ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Every morning for years, at about 11:30, the telephone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call from a man asking the exact time. One day the operator summed up nerve enough to ask him why the regularity. "I'm foreman of the local sawmill," he explained. "Every day I have to blow the whistle at noon so I call you to get the exact time." The operator giggled, "That's really funny," she said. "All these year we've been setting our clock by your whistle. ____________________________________________________  
 Today, August 17 in 1790 The capital city of the U.S. moved to Philadelphia from New York City. 1807 Robert Fulton's "North River Steam Boat" (known as the "Clermont") began heading up New York's Hudson River on its successful round-trip to Albany. 1815 Napoleon began serving his exile when he arrived at the island of St. Helena. 1859 A hot air balloon was used to carry mail for the first time. John Wise left Lafayette, IN, for New York City with 100 letters. He had to land after only 27 miles. 1863 Federal batteries and ships bombarded Fort Sumter in Charleston, SC, harbor during the Civil War. 1896 The Klondike gold rush was set off by George Carmack discovering gold on Rabbit Creek in the Yukon, Canada. 1903 Joseph Pulitzer donated a million dollars to Columbia University. This started the Pulitzer Prizes in his name. 1915 Charles F. Kettering received a patent for the first electric ignition device. It had been used for many years, but never patented. 1943 The Allied conquest of Sicily was completed as U.S. and British forces entered Messina. 1945 The nationalists of Indonesia declared their independence from the Netherlands. 1961 The Communist East German government completed the construction of the Berlin Wall. 1977 Florists Transworld Delivery (FTD) reported that in one day the number of orders for flowers to be delivered to Graceland had surpassed the number for any other event in the company's history. 1978 Maxie Anderson, Ben Abruzzo and Larry Newman became the first to land after a successful trans-Atlantic balloon flight. The voyage began in Presque Isle, ME and ended in Miserey, France. 1982 The U.S. Senate approved an immigration bill that granted permanent resident status to illegal aliens who had arrived in the United States before 1977. 1985 A year-long strike began when 1,400 Geo. A. Hormel and Co. meat packers walked off the job. 1992 Woody Allen admitted to being romantically involved with Soon-Yi Previn. The girl was the adopted daughter of Mia Farrow, Allen's longtime companion. 1996 A military cargo plane crashed in Wyoming killing eight crewmembers and a Secret Service employee. The plane was carrying gear for U.S. President Clinton. 1998 U.S. President Clinton admitted to having an improper relationship with Monica Lewinsky, a White House intern. 1998 NationsBank and BankAmerica merge to create the largest U.S. bank. 1998 Russia devalued the ruble. 2002 In Santa Rosa, CA, the Charles M. Schulz Museum opened to the public. 2018 Do smiled. 
 

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