Good Morning, Do, Today is Sunday, November 19 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Tip of man's thumb bitten off during strong-arm carjacking attempt Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, November 19 in 1863 U.S. President Lincoln delivered his Gettysburg Address as he dedicated a national cemetery at the site of the Civil War battlefield in Pennsylvania. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices. --- William James (1842 - 1910) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A pastor saw Robert Schuller's TV program "Hour of Power. One of the things that impressed him the most during the program was watching everyone turn around to shake hands with and greet other worshippers seated near them. The pastor felt that his church was a bit stuffy and could use a bit of friendliness. So, at Sunday morning worship he announced that next week they would initiate this custom of greeting one another. At the close of this same worship service one man turned around to the lady behind him and said a cheerful, "Good morning!" She looked back at him with shock at his boldness and said, "I beg your pardon! That friendliness business doesn't start until next Sunday!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this test / report: Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southern Republican? Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock Cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do? 1) Democrat's Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor! Or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few weeks and try to come to a consensus. 2) Republican's Answer: BANG! 3)Southern Republican's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click ...(sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click Daughter: Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those my Winchester Silver Tips or Mom's Hollow Points? Son: Git-r-Dun Pop! Can I shoot the next one? Wife: You ain't taking THAT to the Taxidermist! _____________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ >From Fredd According to my mother, she and Dad decided to start a family soon after he became an officer in the Air Force. When months went by without success, they consulted the base physician, who chose to examine Mom right then and there. "Please disrobe," he told her. "With him in the room??" she yelled, pointing to my father. Turning to Dad, the doctor said, "Captain, I think I found the problem." _____________________________________________________ Happy Birthday, Sailor! Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jared Ross Lesesne, 24, Hampton, Virginia Tip of man's thumb bitten off during strong-arm carjacking attempt A Virginia man survived a carjacking attempt but had part of his thumb bitten off as he fought off his attacker. The 67-year-old victim, who didn't want his name used, was attacked on November 9th in Hampton, Virginia, according to WTKR. He had a bandage covering his right thumb and said it was throbbing in pain after surgery on Tuesday. He told WTKR that he had gone to his older brother's house to fix his wheelchair, but when he went to leave and get back in his truck a young man attacked him. He just started whaling on me and trying to pull me on out of the truck, he said. I had a good size knot there and he hit me behind the ear which is still sore. At the same time, I'm laying back and kicking, trying to get him off of me. He said the fight spilled over into the street and for a second it looked like the suspect gave up, but then he came back around and got into the passenger side of the truck and the assault continued. I was trying to turn the ignition off with my left hand and I'm holding him around ... his neck with my right hand and at some point, my thumb ended up in his mouth and he bit down on it. I yanked my thumb out of his mouth and he ran, he said. It took a few minutes for him to realize the tip was missing. As I looked down and I asked the police officer what was that down there, she shined her light and that's when she discovered the tip of the finger laying there by the door of my truck, he said. Police arrested 24-year-old Jared Ross Lesesne and charged him with malicious wounding and attempted carjacking. The victim said the shock of what happened didn't set in until the day after the attack when the doctor explained that he couldn't save the tip of his thumb. Now he has a warning for others. Please be aware of your surroundings at all times." The victim will have more surgery on Friday and says he is just trying to deal with what happened. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Armin Re: Restore keyboard Lettering Dear Webby, How do I restore the worn off letters on my keyboard? Armin Dear Armin Buy some Lettraset in the same color and size at your nearest business supply store. Clean the worn off keys with Windex or similar cleaner, apply the Lettraset and seal it with clear nail polish. Have FUN! DearWebby Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he indignantly answered, going out the door to the office. At 10 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful National Popcorn Day in my life!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
In a train compartmentin England, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic. Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me 1 pound, I will show you my legs." The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet. And then the girl pulls us her dress a bit to show her legs. Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me 10 pounds, I'll show you my thighs," Men being what they are, they all pull out a ten pound note. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her undies. Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. Then the young girl says, "If you will give me a 100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis." Naturally, all three fork over the money. Then the girl turns to the window and points to a hospital in the distance and says, "There!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cardboard Windshield Cover For Bad Weather By Harlean [146 Posts, 456 Comments] With winter bringing snow, sleet and freezing rain, if you have to park outside in the weather, here is a tip that will save lots of time and frustration. When you are ready to park your car for the night, take a few minutes to take a couple pieces of cardboard and slip them under your windshield wipers so that they are held securely and cover your windshield. You will be so happy in the morning to just slide them off the windshield and have clear vision with no scraping and defrosting. You may even have time for a second cup of coffee before you head out the door for work. By Harlean from Hot Springs, Arkansas Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A mother had three very active boys. One summer evening, she was playing cops and robbers in the back yard after dinner. One of the boys "shot" his mother and yelled, "Bang! You're dead!" She slumped to the ground and when she didn't get up right away, a neighbor ran over to see if she had been hurt in the fall. When the neighbor bent over, the overworked mother opened one eye and said, "Shhh. Don't give me away. It's the only chance I've had to rest all day." __________________________________________________ | | Lyon, the City of Murals. |
A four year old walked into the bathroom while her mother was putting on make-up and announced, "I'm going to look just like you, mommy!" Her mother said, "Maybe, when you grow up." "No, mommy, tomorrow. I just put on that 'Oil of Old Lady' you always use." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Dear Webby I got fed up with hotmail and switched to Gmail, like you had recommended often enough. It took a bit of fooling around and reading, but no big deal to customize it to my liking. What I like most is that it is reliable and predictable. Thanks for recommending it! Andrea ____________________________________________________ | Today, November 19, in 1794 Britain's King George III signed the Jay Treaty. It resolved the issues left over from the Revolutionary War. 1850 The first life insurance policy for a woman was issued. Carolyn Ingraham, 36 years old, bought the policy in Madison, NJ. 1863 U.S. President Lincoln delivered his Gettysburg Address as he dedicated a national cemetery at the site of the Civil War battlefield in Pennsylvania. 1893 The first newspaper color supplement was published in the Sunday New York World. 1895 The "paper pencil" was patented by Frederick E. Blaisdell. 1919 The U.S. Senate rejected the Treaty of Versailles with a vote of 55 in favor to 39 against. A two-thirds majority was needed for ratification. 1928 "Time" magazine presented its cover in color for the first time. The subject was Japanese Emperor Hirohito. 1942 During World War II, Russian forces launched their winter offensive against the Germans along the Don front. 1954 Two automatic toll collectors were placed in service on the Garden State Parkway in New Jersey. 1959 Ford Motor Co. announced it was ending the production of the unpopular Edsel. 1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles Conrad and Alan Bean made man's second landing on the moon. 1970 Hafiz al-Assad seized power in Syria. 1977 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat became the first Arab leader to set foot in Israel on an official visit. 1979 Nolan Ryan (Houston Astros) signed a four-year contract for $4.5 million. At the time, Ryan was the highest paid player in major league baseball. 1981 U.S. Steel agreed to pay $6.3 million for Marathon Oil. 1985 U.S. President Reagan and Soviet leader Mikhail S. Gorbachev met for the first time as they began their summit in Geneva. 1990 NATO and the Warsaw Pact signed a treaty of nonaggression. 1993 The U.S. Senate approved a sweeping $22.3 billion anti- crime measure. 1994 The U.N. Security Council authorized NATO to bomb rebel Serb forces striking from neighboring Croatia. 1997 In Carlisle, IA, septuplets were born to Bobbi McCaughey. It was only the second known case where all seven were born alive. 1998 The impeachment inquiry of U.S. President Clinton began. 1998 Vincent van Gogh's "Portrait of the Artist Without Beard" sold at auction for more than $71 million. 1999 In Istanbul, Turkey, the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe (OSCE) concluded a two-day summit after adopting a new arms accord. During the conference, Russia was criticized for its military campaign against Chechnya's separatist movement. 2001 U.S. President George W. Bush signed the most comprehensive air security bill in U.S. history. 2002 The oil tanker Prestige broke into two pieces and sank off northwest Spain. The tanker lost about 2 million gallons of fuel oil when it ruptured November 13th and was towed about 150 miles out to sea. 2002 The U.S. government completed its takeover of security at 424 airports nationwide. 2007 The Amazon Kindle was first released. 2017 Do smiled. |
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