Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, February 4 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Man caught living in Chicago's O'Hare airport for months ___________________________________________________ Today, February 4 in 1997 A civil jury in California found O.J. Simpson liable in the death of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman. Goldman's parents were awarded $8.5 million in compensatory damages. ____________________________________________________ Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art. --- Charles McCabe "A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents." --- G. C. Lichtenberg ____________________________________________________ Nancy came home and said to her mother, "I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is - I got 18 out of 20 on my driver's test." Her mother said, "Great! Now what's the bad news?" Nancy said, "They were pedestrians." ____________________________________________________ During a field exercise at Camp Lejeune, N.C., a squad was on a night patrol through some thick brush. Halfway through, they realized they had lost their map. The patrol navigator informed them, "Our odds are 1 in 360 that we'll eventually get out of here." "How did you come up with that?" someone asked. "Well," he replied, "it's unfortunate that the compass broke when Bob stepped on it, because quite often one of the degrees on the compass is right." ----------- Just remember, moss grows on the north side of lost compasses. ____________________________________________________ Dhananjaya Abeyrathne ___________________________________________________ Interviewing a woman applicant, a kindly Social Security claims representative wanted to make sure that no tangles would prevent her from getting her full benefits. "Were either you or your husband married before?" he asked. The woman glared indignantly and snapped, "Before what?" __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Aditya Singh, 36, Chicago, Illinois, USA Man caught living in Chicago's O'Hare airport for months A man was allegedly living inside Chicago's O'Hare International Airport for three months before he was caught on Saturday. Prosecutors said Aditya Singh, 36, was too afraid to fly back to Los Angeles due to COVID-19. Man caught living in Chicago's O'Hare airport for months; prosecutors say he was afraid to fly home due to COVID-19 A man was allegedly living inside Chicago's O'Hare International Airport for three months before he was caught on Saturday. Prosecutors said Aditya Singh, 36, was too afraid to fly back to Los Angeles due to COVID-19. Cook County prosecutors said Singh was found with an airport worker's misplaced credentials and survived inside a secure area of the airport. Singh arrived at O'Hare's Terminal 2 on a flight from Los Angeles back on October 19, according to prosecutors. He was allegedly living inside the airport's security zone since then. On Saturday, two United Airlines employees confronted Singh and asked to see his work ID which had been reported as stolen by an airport operations manager. Singh was taken into custody and told authorities he found the credentials and was afraid to fly home in the pandemic. He has been charged with felony criminal trespass to a restricted area of an airport and theft. The judge expressed shock that Singh wasn't detected earlier. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Mia Re: Laptop travel kit Dear Webby one time you mentioned a source for all the stuff one needs for a laptop when you travel. Do you still have that info? Thanks, Mia Dear Mia The "Road Warrior Kit" is no longer available. Today's road warrior kits are for cars and motorcycles. However, don't worry! Today's laptops work just fine without a bag of toys. All you will need is the baggie of colorful Velcro strips from the Dollar Store. They will help you tidy up any cables. You could also invest in some light-weight Chihuahua chain, and epoxy one end of it to your laptop charger, and the other end to your carry-on. That will stop thieves, like the ones at a certain hotel in Green River, Utah, from stealing your charger. Almost everything else is WiFi nowadays anyway. Whatever "accessories" you carry, don't put them into zippered black vinyl cases, that will make security suspicious. Put them into clear zip-lock baggies. Have Fun! DearWebby A man goes to a doctor for a routine physical. The nurse starts with the basics. "How much do you weigh?" she asks. "Oh, 'bout One- sixty-five." he says. The nurse puts him on the scale. It turns out that his weight is 187. The nurse asks, "Your height?" "Oh, 'bout six feet," he says. The nurse checks and sees that he's only 5 feet 8 3/4 inches. She then takes his blood pressure, and it's very high. "High!" The man explains, "Of course it's high. When I came in here, I was tall and lanky. Now, durnit, after one look at you, now I'm short and fat!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Sex makes you alert and ready to face the world ... it's an ideal substitute for a hot breakfast. ____________________________________________ Rabbi Mendel was one day walking along a very narrow street, when he came face to face with a rival Rabbi. The street was too narrow for the two to pass. The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily: "I never make way for fools " Smiling, Rabbi Mendel stepped aside and said, "I always do." ____________________________________________ A woman has just started to play golf when she gets stung on the arm by a bee. She rushes back to the clubhouse, hoping to find a doctor. She asks, "Is anyone here a doctor." One guy, who was pretty drunk, stands up and says, "I'm a doctor, what can I help you with?" "I've been stung by a bee." "Oh really, where?" "Between the first and second hole" "Well, first of all, your stance is too wide..." ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today February 4 in 1783 Britain declared a formal cessation of hostilities with its former colonies, the United States of America. 1789 Electors unanimously chose George Washington to be the first president of the United States. 1824 J.W. Goodrich introduced rubber galoshes to the public. 1847 In Maryland, the first U.S. Telegraph Company was established. 1861 Delegates from six southern states met in Montgomery, AL, to form the Confederate States of America. 1904 The Russo-Japanese War began after Japan laid siege to Port Arthur. 1913 Louis Perlman received a patent for his demountable tire-carrying rims. 1932 The first Winter Olympics were held in the United States at Lake Placid, NY. 1936 Radium E. became the first radioactive substance to be produced synthetically. 1945 During World War II, U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill and Soviet leader Josef Stalin began a conference at Yalta to outline plans for Germany's defeat. 1948 Ceylon gained independence within the British Commonwealth. The country later became known as Sri Lanka. 1957 Smith-Corona Manufacturing Inc., of New York, began selling portable electric typewriters. The first machine weighed 19 pounds. 1968 The world's largest hovercraft was launched at Cowes, Isle of Wight. 1973 The Reshef was unveiled as Israel's missile boat. 1974 Patricia (Patty) Hearst was kidnapped in Berkeley, CA, by the Symbionese Liberation Army. 1976 An earthquake in Guatemala and Honduras killed more than 22,000 people. 1985 U.S. President Ronald Reagan's defense budget called for a tripling of the expenditure on the "Star Wars" research program. 1993 Russian scientists unfurled a giant mirror in orbit and flashed a beam of sunlight across Europe during the night. Observers saw it only as a momentary flash. 1997 A civil jury in California found O.J. Simpson liable in the death of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman. Goldman's parents were awarded $8.5 million in compensatory damages. 1997 Two Israeli troop-carrying helicopters collided on their way to Lebanon, all 73 soldiers and airmen aboard were killed. 1997 President Milosevic of Serbia apparently surrendered to the will of his people, ordering his government to recognize opposition victories in local elections held in November 1996. 1997 Mario Lemieux (Pittsburgh Penguins) scored his 600th National Hockey League (NHL) goal during his 719th game. Lemieux reached the milestone second fastest in history. Gretzky had reached the plateau during his 718th game. 1998 In northeast Afghanistan, at least 5,000 people were killed in an earthquake that measured 6.1 on the Richter Scale. 1999 Warplanes from Israel attacked south Lebanon just after rockets were fired toward Israel. No casualies were claimed on either side. 1999 Amadou Diallo, an unarmed West African immigrant, was shot and killed in front of his Bronx home by four plainclothes New York City police officers. The officers had been conducting a nighttime search for a rape suspect. 2000 Austrian President Thomas Klestil swore in a coalition government that included Joerg Haider's far-right Freedom Party. European Union sanctions were a result of the action. 2003 Yugoslavia was formally dissolved by lawmakers. The country was replaced with a loose union of its remaining two republics, Serbia and Montenegro. 2004 The social networking website Facebook.com was launched. 2021 Do smiled. |
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