Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, January 5 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Lancaster man sentenced up to 30 years for beating woman, already serving 10 years for sex abuse of minor Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, January 5 in 1885 The Long Island Railroad Company became the first to offer piggy-back rail service which was the transportation of farm wagons on trains. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Autobiography is an unrivaled vehicle for telling the truth about other people. --- Philip Guedalla (1889 - 1944) But what is the difference between literature and journalism? ...Journalism is unreadable and literature is not read. That is all. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900), ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The colonel had three Second Lieutenants eligible for promotion. The problem was, he only had one First Lieutenant Slot available. The colonel called the first butter-bar into his office and said, "This is a promotion test. If I was to tell you that I wanted a flag pole erected in front of Post HQ by 1700, what would you do?" The Lt. thought about it for a second, and said, "Sir. I would get a shovel, head for HQ and start digging . . . " "You're not ready to be promoted," the Colonel interrupted. The colonel asked the same question of the next candidate. "Sir," said the next butter-bar, "I would fill out a CE work order, making sure I made provisions for the appropriate environmental study and . . . " "You are definitely not ready to be promoted," the Colonel said. The Colonel asked the question of the final candidate. Without hesitation, the Lieutenant said, "Sir. I would call the First Sergeant, and say, 'Top, I want a @#$#@ flag pole set up in front of HQ by 16:30, standing perfectly straight!" "You're ready to be promoted," the Colonel said. ____________________________________________________ From Paul: My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four Mounties and a police dog to keep us apart. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ ____________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ I just came across this old tech support story. Totally obsolete, but too good to just let it die. Keep in mind that this is from a very long time ago, when Windows came on a stack of floppy disks and when a Mac's standard way of dealing with a PC floppy was to destroy all data on it and format it. An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong. Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer." Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police," so I let the little act of piracy slide. Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?" Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't initialized." Tech Support: "Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?" Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it?'" Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?" Customer: "After they were initialized, all the disks appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work, and I can't read them in the A: drive; the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alexander Ramos-Pacheco, Lancaster, Pennsylvania Lancaster man sentenced up to 30 years for beating woman, already serving 10 years for sex abuse of minor A Lancaster man serving a 10-year federal sentence for sex abuse of a child was sentenced up to 30 more years for beatings of a woman, according to the Lancaster County district attorney's office. Alexander Ramos-Pacheco, 27, was sentenced in Lancaster County Court to 13 to 30 years in state prison on charges including aggravated assault and use of an electronic incapacitation device. Ramos-Pacheco pleaded guilty in November to a series of beatings of the woman at his Lancaster city home. Over years he strangled the woman and abused her with a stun gun, zapping her more than 20 times and leaving marks and scars on her body, the district attorney's office said. In court last week Judge Donald Totaro called the abuse "sadistic." Lead investigator Lancaster city police Det. Randy Zook told the judge the woman would have likely become a homicide victim if police had not intervened. Assistant District Attorney Karen Mansfield played a 5-minute recording taken by Ramos-Pacheco on his cellphone during one beating. Totaro ordered the sentenced be served consecutively to the 10-year federal term Ramos-Pacheco was sentenced to February 2016. Ramos-Pacheco also pleaded guilty to three counts of simple assault, making terroristic threats and stalking. He is serving the 10-year federal sentence for sexually abusing a 15-year-old girl he contacted online then drove out of state to meet. The FBI assisted Lancaster city police and the U.S. Attorney's Office prosecuted in that case. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ellen Re: Satellite modem Dear Webby, Can I use a satellite dish and a satellite modem for our business here in Montana? Thanks Ellen Dear Ellen Theoretically, yes. Practically, no. I would not advise satellite modems for business purposes anywhere north of the Mason/Dixon line. Even though you can get a beautiful TV picture even up in Alaska, the signal has to travel through too much polluted air to be able to maintain a high speed connection reliably at all times in Montana. Sure, you could use a satellite modem and connect quite often. However, "quite often" is not good enough for a business. Even in Florida or Texas or Arizona, practically directly below the satellite, you need a land line dial-up back-up for times of bad weather. That has nothing to do with the satellite dish or the channel dealer. It's strictly a matter of dirty air and bad weather interfering with high speed data transfer. In your area it is probably best to just use the satellite dish for TV. You might be able to get line of sight wireless from your ISP. For a business, that is an excellent solution, and you can get fantastic speeds. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility. One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked after it?" After a moment, her 5-year-old son replied quizzically, "Er.... Once?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the under- ground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them. "What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?" I joked. "It would go out," he replied very matter-of-factly. "Really?" I asked, surprised to hear that. "Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?" "No," my co-worker continued. "The force from the explosion would blow out the match." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Rolling Existing Car Loans Into a New Car Purchase Don't buy a new car if you haven't paid off your old one unless you have equity accumulated. One common practice at dealerships is to offer to roll the balance of an existing loan into the financing for a new car. It usually creates a situation where you are taking a loan that is greater than the value of the car you are buying. While this makes it easy to leave the car lot with a sparkling new car, it's bad practice for consumers and a financial boon for dealers and lenders. Anything that is good for them, is usually bad for you. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com font> ____________________________________________________ We were discussing the "don'ts" of public speaking in the PR class I teach. "Don'ts" include a man reaching into his pants pocket and jangling change as he speaks, which is very distracting. To illustrate my point, I asked for a student volunteer, saying, "I need a man with coins in his pocket." What I got instead was a girl yelling out, "Hey, so do I!" | | What an incredible library! |
Dear Webby, I just wanted to thank you for having Babelfish. I used it for the first time to translate a letter into Dutch, and am so very pleased, as I have a hard time understanding my Dutch friends, and I know they must have a bit of a problem understanding me, as it has been 20 years since they were in Canada. So thank you for having this on your page. Yours truly, Fummer Amazing what you can find in that side menu! ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, January 5, in 1781 Richmond, VA, was burned by a British naval expedition led by Benedict Arnold. 1885 The Long Island Railroad Company became the first to offer piggy-back rail service which was the transportation of farm wagons on trains. 1896 It was reported by The Austrian newspaper that Wilhelm Roentgen had discovered the type of radiation that became known as X-rays. 1900 In Ireland, Nationalist leader John Edward Redmond called for a revolt against British rule. 1903 The general public could use the Pacific cable for the very first time. 1914 Ford Motor Company announced that there would be a new daily minimum wage of $5 and an eight-hour workday. 1933 In California, construction of the Golden Gate Bridge began. 1940 The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) got its very first demonstration of FM radio. 1948 Warner Brothers-Pathe showed the very first color newsreel. The footage was of the Tournament of Roses Parade and the Rose Bowl football classic. 1956 In the Peanuts comic strip, Snoopy walked on two legs for the first time. 1972 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon ordered the development of the space shuttle. 1987 U.S. President Ronald Reagan underwent prostate surgery. 1993 The state of Washington executed Westley Allan Dodd. It was America's first legal hanging since 1965. Dodd was an admitted child sex killer. 1998 U.S. Representative Sonny Bono died in skiing accident. 2002 A 15 year-old student pilot, Charles Bishop, crashed a small plane into a building in Tampa, FL. Bishop was about to begin a flying lesson when he took off without permission and without an instructor. 2018 Do smiled. |
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