Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, October 28 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Wisconsin teacher passed out drunk on 4th grade field trip getting 'rewarded' with a massive payday Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, October 28, in 1793 Eli Whitney applied for a patent for his cotton gin. See More of what happened on this day in history. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ After two years in Washington, I often long for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood. --- Fred Thompson "Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies." --- Gene Hill ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, that causes more pain and suffering than any other product, and yet we all eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea." The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake." ______________________________________________________ 2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP $29.99 ______________________________________________________ Employed by the human-development center of a corporation in the Midwest, my friend trains employees in proper dress codes and etiquette. One day as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt got on with her. Thinking of her responsibilities, she scolded, "Dressed a little casually today, aren't we?" The man replied, "That's the fringe benefit I get for owning the company." ______________________________________________________ >From FB ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Maria Caya, 53, Janesville, Wisconsin Wisconsin teacher passed out drunk on 4th grade field trip getting 'rewarded' with a massive payday In 2013, students at a Janesville, Wisconsin, elementary school were gearing up for the last day of school. In honor of the quickly-approaching summer vacation, the school's fourth and fifth graders went on a field trip to the local bowling alley. Fourth grade teacher Maria Caya was slated to be one of the field trip's chaperones. No one would imagine Caya would show up drunk and proceed to pass out in the bowling alley bathroom. Found in the bathroom by another faculty member, Caya was rushed to the hospital where she drew a blood alcohol level of .27 three times the legal driving limit for the state of Wisconsin: In light of the incident, Caya was asked to resign from her job and was paid $18,000 by the school district to do so. According to the school district, firing Caya would have resulted in legal costs exceeding that payout. In the wake of the ordeal, Janesville police released Caya's blood alcohol levels, which prompted Caya to begin a massive $5.5 million lawsuit against the city. The former teacher claimed the department's decision to improperly release her blood alcohol levels caused her stress and public embarrassment. Despite Caya already receiving the $18,000 payout from the school, the City of Janesville agreed to pay her $75,000. According to NBC 15, the nearly six-figure payout was done so that the case wouldn't have to go to trial. With the news of Caya's win, parents have been left disgusted because they believe Caya endangered their children. To make matters even more complicated, it is unclear as to whether the police department broke any laws when it came to releasing Caya's alcohol levels. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits >From Rick Re: Screaming computer Dear Webby, Dear Webby, I had left an old computer at the cabin, so that I could use it for downloading pictures from the camera and burning them onto a CD. Wen we got to the cabin and I turned on the computer, instead of the familiar fan noises there was the most godawful screaching and screaming, like a cat was inside it and slowly getting sliced into little pieces by the fans. I turned it off and took the side cover off, but all I saw in there, aside from the circuit boards and drives, were dust bunnies. What wold cause that awful noise? Rick Dear Rick When the frozen machine starts up, the thin film of grease in the fan bearings gets pushed along into micro dunes that look like miniature fish scales under the microcope. Just like any old grease, it retains the stickiness that is intended to keep it on the job, but it loses it's lubricating qualities and creaks like an old outhouse door. The high speed creaking is what you heard and thought was an animal screaming in pain. Naturally that does not prolong the usable lifetime of that fan. Some of the more modern computers and power supplies don't turn on the fans until there is actual need for cooling. On older equipment, you have to either put up with the screaming for a bit, or else wait until the cabin and the computer warm up. An alternative would be to just buy a larger capacity memory chip for the camera, or if it is from the XP era and has a 2 GB maximum, get a few extra chips. 2 Gb SD chips are getting rather scarce, so it might be a good idea to stock up on them. Have FUN! DearWebby Here's a little slice of golf history that you might enjoy. Why do golf courses have 18 holes - not 20, or 10, or an even dozen? During a discussion among the club's membership board at St. Andrews in 1858, a senior member pointed out that it takes exactly 18 shots to polish off a fifth of Scotch. By limiting himself to only one shot of Scotch per hole, the Scot figured a round of golf was finished when the Scotch ran out. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Iron To Remove Nail Polish Remover Stain Regarding nail polish remover spilled on real wood table. Yes! The hot iron with white washcloth worked WONDERS! I was stunned! By Jojo from Texas Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
On her way back from the concession stand, Tricia asked the man at the end of the row, "Sir, did I step on your foot a minute ago?" Expecting an apology the man said, "Indeed you did." Tricia nodded. "Oh, good. Then this is my row." | | cargo ship responds to little girl's request to honk - Thank you Bausell Sailor |
____________________________________________________ A widow recently married a widower. Soon after the marriage she was accosted by a friend who laughingly remarked - "I suppose, like all men who have been married before, your husband sometimes talks about his first wife?" "Oh, not any more, he doesn't," the other replied. "What stopped him?" "I started talking about my next husband." ____________________________________________________ This happened in England, where people always carry an umbrella, even on the odd days, when it doesn't rain. A man was in the habit of carrying an umbrella wherever he went. Unfortunately, he broke his last good one. Looking at the six useless umbrellas in his umbrella stand, he decided to take them all in and have them repaired. On the bus on the way home, he picked up the umbrella that belonged to the woman sitting next to him, purely out of habit. She immediately cried, "Stop, thief!" and he surrendered the umbrella. Very embarrassed, he quickly got off the bus. The next week he picked up his repaired umbrellas. When he got on the bus with the six umbrellas under his arm, he just so happened to sit next to the very same woman. She gave him an icy stare and said, "Had a good day, huh?" --------------- That reminds me of an umbrella experience I had in Vancouver in the 70's. It rains a lot in Vancouver, but I was new and was caught downtown in a real downpour. I ducked into the entranceway at Sears to escape the worst. While standing there I was idly reading the list of departments and the floors they were on. "Lost and Found Floor 12" caught my eye. So I went up there and asked if they had found my umbrella. "A black one ?" she asked. "Uh, yeah, a black one." I replied. "Telescoping or Gent?" "Uh, Gent." I figured, a hippie like me would naturally carry a gentleman's straight umbrella, not a weird one that might require readig instructions. The lady behind the counter groaned and left. A minute later she came back with a huge armload of black umbrellas. "Take your pick!" She didn't say anything about trying to find mine, just to take my pick. I did. The second one was perfect. No pinholes, smooth action, no rust specks, fine leather handle. Just as I was about to say something that it might be the right one, the lady told me: "Take a couple of spares. I got truckloads of them back there and hate carrying these back there again." I felt so sorry for her, I took the whole armload that she had dumped onto the counter. That made her smile ! Outside again, I gave a couple to the Hare Krishnas who were chanting in the rain and dancing like old drunks who had not noticed that the music had stopped. Then I spotted a mother with a baby carriage, so I ran after her and gave one to her and one to the kid. I had a great time, until I realized that I had given away ALL of the umbrellas. Back at Sears I told the lady at the Lost and Found the truth, and we had a good laugh about it. During the second armload the rain lessened and stopped and when the sun broke through the clouds, I was stuck with one umbrella. Since I felt silly carrying an umbrella when it didn't rain, I left it on the bus. ____________________________________________________ | | Archaeologists have unearthed a huge ancient settlement in Inner Mongolia. |
____________________________________________________ | Today on October 28 in 1636 Harvard College was founded in Massachusetts. The original name was Court of Massachusetts Bay Colony. It was the first school of higher education in America. 1776 The Battle of White Plains took place during the American Revolutionary War. 1793 Eli Whitney applied for a patent for his cotton gin. 1886 The Statue of Liberty was dedicated in New York Harbor by U.S. President Cleveland. The statue weighs 225 tons and is 152 feet tall. It was originally known as "Liberty Enlightening the World." 1904 The St. Louis Police Department became the first to use fingerprinting. 1919 The U.S. Congress enacted the Volstead Act, also known as the National Prohibition Act. Prohibition was repealed in 1933 with the passing of the 21st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. 1922 Benito Mussolini took control of the Italian government and introduced fascism to Italy. 1936 The Statue of Liberty was rededicated by U.S. President Roosevelt on its 50th anniversary. 1940 During World War II, Italy invaded Greece. 1949 U.S. President Harry Truman swore in Eugenie Moore Anderson as the U.S. ambassador to Denmark. Anderson was the first woman to hold the post of ambassador. 1958 Angelo Giuseppe Roncalli was elected Pope. He took the name John XXIII. 1962 Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev informed the U.S. that he had ordered the dismantling of Soviet missile bases in Cuba. 1965 Pope Paul VI issued a decree absolving Jews of collective guilt for the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. 1965 The Gateway Arch along the waterfront in St. Louis, MO, was completed. 1976 John D. Erlichman, a former aide to U.S. President Richard Nixon, entered a federal prison camp in Safford, AZ, to begin serving his sentence for Watergate-related convictions. 1983 The U.S. vetoed a U.N. Security Council resolution "deeply deploring" the ongoing U.S.-led invasion of Grenada. 1985 John A. Walker Jr. and his son, Michael Lance Walker, pled guilty to charges of spying for the Soviet Union. 1986 The centennial of the Statue of Liberty was celebrated in New York. 1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French manufacturer that produces the abortion pill RU486, announced it would resume distribution of the drug after the government of France demanded it do so. 1990 Iraq announced that it was halting gasoline rationing. 1993 Ousted Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide, called for a complete blockade of Haiti to force out the military leaders. 1994 U.S. President Clinton visited Kuwait and implied that all the troops there would be home by Christmas. 2016 Do smiled. |
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