Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, March 16 ___________________________________________________ Today, March 16 in 1926 Physicist Robert H. Goddard launched the first liquid-fuel rocket. ______________________________________________________ Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. --- Thomas Szasz | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Twice-Deported Illegal Caught in Act of Raping Woman, Said He Thought She Wouldn't Remember __________________________________________ A Florida man in a trench coat walked into a supermarket. After walking around for several minutes he grabbed a large can of beans and moved on to the cashier. He placed the can down on the counter, opened his trench coat and slapped his penis down next to the beans. The shocked cashier picked up the can and proceeded to slam it repeatedly down on the flasher's private parts. He screamed and passed out from the pain. The police were called and in the memo section of the incident report the responding officer wrote, "He should have purchased a loaf of bread." __________________________________________ __________________________________________ In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jose Lopez-Gonzalez, Montgomery County, Maryland Twice-Deported Illegal Caught in Act of Raping Woman, Said He Thought She Wouldn't Remember Police in Montgomery County, Maryland, had to pull a half-naked man off a semi-conscious woman when officers found him raping her, according to the Daily Caller. On the night of March 5, police were called to a darkened stairwell near a brand new $152 million office building for county employees after reports of a woman being raped. At the scene they found a half-naked Jose Lopez-Gonzalez, a national from El Salvador, engaged in intercourse with a woman yelling No! Police were forced to pull Lopez-Gonzalez off the woman. According to court documents, Lopez-Gonzalez was on top of [the victim] who was naked from the waist down. [The officer] advised that he initially yelled at Lopez- Gonzalez to get off [the victim] but that he had to physically pull him off her because he was still engaging in sexual intercourse. Later, Lopez-Gonzalez allegedly told police Im sorry. And also apparently said that he figured the woman would never remember the attack because she was so drunk. The woman was found to have a blood alcohol level of 0.352intoxication that would make a person incontinent and even risk death. In what is now a sad and well know story, according to Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), Lopez-Gonzalez has twice been deported, in 2007 and again in 2010. He is also a suspected member of Mara Salvatrucha, or MS- 13, the brutal transnational street gang responsible for countless murders, and drug and human trafficking. MS-13s motto is kill, rape, control. It should be noted that this attack is simply the latest in a string of sexual assaults afflicting Montgomery County. The county has been in the news cycle ever since its executive, Marc Elrich, a Democrat, signed a sanctuary city-style executive order in July of 2019. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Wanda Re: Screen is sideways Dear Webby, I accidentally bumped my computer screen and it flipped it sideways. How do I get it to go straight again? Wnada Dear Wanda Rotate Screen with a Keyboard Shortcut Hit CTRL + ALT + Up Arrow and your Windows desktop should return to landscape mode. You can rotate the screen to portrait or upside-down landscape, by hitting CTRL + ALT + Left Arrow, Right Arrow or Down arrow. Keep in mind that Microsoft is NOT consistent. You might have to go at it through the Cpntrol Panel. Have FUN! DearWebby
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____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________ A hot shot East Coast newspaper reporter was on assignment in Arkansas, when he struck up a conversation with a young lady in a bar. After a half dozen drinks, he suggested they get their own bottle and retire to his motel room, and she readily agreed. "Say, how old are you anyway?" the reporter asked as the obviously young lass was disrobing. "Thirteen," she replied with a shy smile. "Thirteen ??? My God, girl !!! You get those clothes back on at once at get the hell outta here ! Are you crazy ?" he thundered. Pausing briefly at the door as she left, the perplexed nymphet smiled and said, "Superstitious, huh ?" _____________________________________________ An Irishman, by the name of O'Mally proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.. The young lass, on learning it wasn't real, returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness."It was in honor of St. Patrick's Day," he smiled..."I gave you a sham rock." ____________________________________________ Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother." ____________________________________________ | No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today March 16 in 1190 The Crusaders began the massacre of Jews in York, England. 1521 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reached the Philippines. He was killed the next month by natives. 1527 The Emperor Babur defeated the Rajputs at the Battle of Kanvaha in India. 1621 Samoset walked into the settlement of Plymouth Colony, later Plymouth, MA. Samoset was a native from the Monhegan tribe in Maine who spoke English. 1850 The novel "The Scarlet Letter," by Nathaniel Hawthorne, was published for the first time. 1871 The State of Delaware enacted the first fertilizer law. 1907 The world's largest cruiser, the British Invincible was completed at Glasgow. 1908 China released the Japanese steamship Tatsu Maru. 1909 Cuba suffered its first revolt only six weeks after the inauguration of Gomez. 1913 The 15,000-ton battleship Pennsylvania was launched at Newport News, VA. 1917 Russian Czar Nicholas II abdicated his throne. 1926 Physicist Robert H. Goddard launched the first liquid- fuel rocket. 1928 The U.S. planned to send 1,000 more Marines to Nicaragua. 1935 Adolf Hitler ordered a German rearmament and violated the Versailles Treaty. 1939 Germany occupied the rest of Czechoslovakia. 1945 Iwo Jima was declared secure by the Allies. However, small pockets of Japanese resistance still existed. 1946 Algerian nationalist leader Ferhat Abbas was freed after spending a year in jail. 1946 India called British Premier Attlee's independence offer contradictory and a propaganda move. 1947 Martial law was withdrawn in Tel Aviv. 1950 Congress voted to remove federal taxes on oleomargarine. 1968 U.S. troops in Vietnam destroyed a village consisting mostly of women and children. The event is known as the My- Lai massacre. 1978 Italian politician Aldo Moro was kidnapped by left- wing urban guerrillas. Moro was later murdered by the group. 1982 Russia announced they would halt their deployment of new nuclear missiles in Western Europe. 1984 Mozambique and South Africa signed a pact banning the support for one another's internal enemies. 1984 William Buckley, the CIA station chief in Beirut, was kidnapped by gunmen. He died while in captivity. 1985 "A Chorus Line" played its 4,000 performance. 1985 Terry Anderson, an Associated Press newsman, was taken hostage in Beirut. He was released in December 4, 1991. 1987 "Bostonia" magazine printed an English translation of Albert Einsteins last high school report card. 1988 Indictments were issued for Lt. Colonel Oliver North, Vice Admiral John Poindexter of the National Security Council, and two others for their involvement in the Iran- Contra affair. 1988 Mickey Thompson and his wife Trudy were shot to death in their driveway. Thompson, known as the "Speed King," set nearly 500 auto speed endurance records including being the first person to travel more than 400 mph on land. 1989 In the U.S.S.R., the Central Committee approved Gorbachev's agrarian reform plan. 1989 The Soviet Communist Party's Central Committee approved large-scale agricultural reforms and elected the party's 100 members to the Congress of People's Deputies. 1993 In France, ostrich meat was officially declared fit for human consumption. 1994 Tonya Harding pled guilty in Portland, OR, to conspiracy to hinder prosecution for covering up the attack on her skating rival Nancy Kerrigan. She was fined $100,000. She was also banned from amateur figure skating. 1994 Russia agreed to phase out production of weapons-grade plutonium. 1995 NASA astronaut Norman Thagard became the first American to visit the Russian space station Mir. 1998 Rwanda began mass trials for 1994 genocide with 125,000 suspects for 500,000 murders. 1999 The 20 members of the European Union's European Commission announced their resignations amid allegations of corruption and financial mismanagement. 2020 Do smiled. |
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