Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, October 5 Thank you, Betty! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Woman Turned Over Bag Of "Junk" Meth _____________________________________________________ Today, October 5 in 1937 U.S. President Roosevelt called for a "quarantine" of aggressor nations. _____________________________________________________ Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at. --- Jimmy Demaret _____________________________________________________ Two men at abar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past couple of hours. One of them notices a beautiful woman sitting in the corner. One says to the other, "Jeez, I'd really like to dance with that girl." The other replies, "Well go ahead and ask her, don't be a chicken shit." So the man approaches the lovely woman and says, "Excuse me. Would you be so kind as to dance with me." Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, "I'm sorry. Right now I'm concentrating on matrimony and I'd rather sit than dance." The man humbly returns to his friend. "So what did she say?" he asks. "She said she's constipated on macaroni and would rather shit her pants." _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Little Yossi and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandma's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Yossi received his plate he started eating right away. "Yossi wait until we say our prayer." "I don't have to." The boy replied. "Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's our house," Yossi explained. "But this is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Beth Ann Franchak, 52, St Pete Beach, Florida, USA Woman Turned Over Bag Of "Junk" Meth After purchasing a bag of methamphetamine, a Florida Woman turned the narcotics over to police because it was junk, according to an arrest report. Investigators allege that Beth Ann Franchak, 52, provided the meth to a sheriffs deputy Thursday afternoon at her residence in St. Pete Beach. Franchak, cops say, told the deputy that she purchased $20.00 worth of methamphetamine and would like to turn it over to the police because it was junk. Seen above, Franchak handed the cop a small plastic bag containing about a quarter-gram of a white, crystal like substance resembling methamphetamine. A subsequent test came back positive for meth. Franchak was arrested for possession of a controlled substance, a felony. She was booked into the county jail, from which she was released late Thursday night on $2000 bond. According to court records, Franchaks rap sheet includes a pair of convictions for violating a domestic violence protection order. In a video posted to her Facebook account in December 2019, Franchak records herself thanking a sheriffs deputy who is directing traffic near her home. After identifying herself, Franchak refers to her leashed dog, saying, He sniffs out drugs. And he brings them to the cops. So we know a lot of people here. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Moe RE: Search engine blocks Dear Webby, your tech tip reminds me of when i could surf the web and limit searches to only ones in USA. or North America. Even Canada. and block most continents from sending - and me receiving - irrelevant junk stuff. unless looking for car parts. i not recall if Verizon or other web servers had a way to filter out all but US and CA emails. or block the .ce, .un, or .de junk. not sure of gmail can do it, nor TWC, nor my host server. They do have a filter. but i turn it off so able to get more junk mail. and slim site photos. moe Dear Moe Since email FROM addresses can be faked since about 1993, that does not work anymore. You CAN make filters in Eudora since about the same time. Browser Search engines are a different story. You can, however, focus the search yourself. Try for example: Big feet, California Google will show you plenty results from your neighborhood. You will probably recognize some of the ones found. Google has 42 devious search operators that you can use, including the "NOT" operator, the lowly "-" Big Boobs, - Vatican will totally exclude any results from the Vatican. The list of the operators is still at Operators Print out the 42 sneaky operators and get used to using them. FF probably has a similar list of operators. The stuff IS still there and has been ready for you for decades. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Al-Qaeda was revealed Friday to be plotting chemical attacks on U.S. cities, prompting the Orange Alert. The chemicals could cause brain impairment, lethargy, coughing and choking. In other words, the attack would go virtually undetected in San Francisco. ____________________________________________ Who Needs a Man??? If you want someone who will do anything to please you, get a dog. If you want someone who will bring you the newspaper without tearing through it first for the sports page, get a dog. If you want someone who'll make a total fool of himself because he's so glad to see you, get a dog. If you want someone who eats whatever you put in front of him and never says his mother made it better, get a dog. If you want someone who's always eager to go out any time you ask and anywhere you want to go, get a dog. If you want someone who can scare away burglars without waving a lethal weapon around, endangering you and all the neighbors, get a dog. If you want someone who never touches the remote, couldn't care less about Monday Night Football, and watches dramatic movies with you as long as you want, get a dog. If you want someone who'll be content just to snuggle up and keep you warm in bed, and who you can kick out of bed if he slobbers and snores, get a dog. If you want someone who never criticizes anything you do, doesn't care how good or bad you look, acts as though every word you say is worth hearing, never complains, and loves you unconditionally all the time, get a dog! On the other hand... If you want someone who never comes when you call him, totally ignores you when you walk in the room, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, prowls around all night and come home only to eat and sleep all day, and acts as though you are there only to see that HE's happy... Get a CAT! ____________________________________________ Woman's Perfect Breakfast You're sitting at the breakfast table. Your son's picture is on the box of Wheaties. Your daughter is on the cover of Fortune. Your lover is on the cover of Playgirl. Your ex-husband is on the back of the milk carton. ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today October 5 in 1813 Chief Tecumseh of the Shawnee Indians was killed at the Battle of Thames when American forces defeated the British and the allied Indian warriors. 1877 Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce Indians surrendered to the U.S. Army after a 1,000-mile retreat towards the Canadian border. 1919 Enzo Ferrari debuted in his first race. He later founded the Auto Avio Construzioni Ferrari, an independent manufacturing company. 1930 Laura Ingalls became the first woman to make a transcontinental airplane flight. 1931 Clyde Pangborn and Hugh Herndon landed in Washington after flying non-stop across the Pacific Ocean. The flight originated in Japan and took about 41 hours. 1937 U.S. President Roosevelt called for a "quarantine" of aggressor nations. 1947 U.S. President Harry S Truman held the first televised presidential address from the White House. The subject was the current international food crisis. 1969 A Cuban defector landed a Soviet-made MiG-17 at Homestead Air Force Base in Florida. The plane entered U.S. air space and landed without being detected. 1969 "Monty Python's Flying Circus" debuted on BBC television. 1970 Anwar Sadat took office as President of Egypt replacing Gamal Abdel Nassar. Sadat was assassinated in 1981. 1974 American David Kunst completed the first journey around the world on foot. It took four years and 21 pairs of shoes. He crossed four continents and walked 14,450 miles. 1985 An Egyptian policeman went on a shooting rampage at a Sinai beach. Seven Israeli tourists were killed. The policeman died in prison the following January of an apparent suicide. 1986 Sandinista soldiers captured American Eugene Hasenfus after shooting him down over southern Nicaragua. 1989 The Dalai Lama (Lhama Dhondrub, Tenzin Gyatso) was named the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize for his nonviolent campaign to end the Chinese domination of Tibet. Gyatso was the 15th Dalai Lama. 1991 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev announced that his country would cut its nuclear arsenal in response to the arms reduction that was initiated by U.S. President George Bush. 1993 China set off an underground nuclear explosion. 1995 A 60-day cease-fire was agreed upon by Bosnian combatants. The civil war had lasted 3 1/2. 1997 In London, the Express Newspapers printed an article claiming that Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman were homosexual and that their marriage was a sham to cover the truth. The paper paid damages in a settlement on October 29, 1998. 1998 The U.S. paid $60 million for Russia's research time on the international space station to keep the cash-strapped Russian space agency afloat. 1999 MCI Worldcom Inc. and Sprint Corp. announced plans to merge. 2006 Walmart rolled out its $4 generic drug program to the entire state of Florida after a successful test in the Tampa area. 2020 Do smiled. |
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