Good Morning, Do, Today is Sunday, April 8 smallblessings.com is for sale: $100 You can use it for anything you want. Offer expires on 4/22/2018 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: One of the 'worst DUI offenders in the country' arrested again Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, April 8 in 1513 - Explorer Juan Ponce de Leon claimed Florida for Spain. See More of what happened on this day in history.
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 ______________________________________________________ A short saying oft contains much wisdom. --- Sophocles (496 BC - 406 BC) He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit. --- Socratex _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had accidentally been served to a luncheon meeting of local ministers, the restaurant's owner waited nervously for the clerics' reaction. "Quick, man," he whispered to the waiter, "what did they say?" "Nothing," replied the waiter. "They were all too busy slipping the seeds into their pockets." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   Devil's Bridge or Teufelsbrcke is located across the Schllenen Gorge in the scenic Reuss valley in the canton of Uri, in Switzerland. Old bridge is below, new bridge on top. _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ >From Donnie HISTORICAL FACT Who says building a border wall won't work? The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still don't have any illegal Mexicans. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Alaina Marie Limpert, 25, Tempe, Arizona  Mom arrested after Tempe toddler ate mac and cheese made with THC butter  A Tempe mom was arrested after police say her child ate mac and cheese made with THC butter. THC is a chemical in cannabis that gets you high. Alaina Marie Limpert, 25, was booked on one count of child abuse. The Department of Child Safety was notified by someone in Limpert's home that her almost-two-year-old daughter had ingested THC butter while eating macaroni and cheese with her father. During that time, neither parent took the child to immediate emergency care, according to the police report. Instead, It was witnessed inside of the residence that [they] both laughed about the side effects the child experienced during that time and then proceeded to place her into their backyard pool to use the cold water to 'shock' her, the police report continued. It wasn't until two days later the Department of Child Safety was notified and arrived to take custody of all three kids living at the home. Hospital officials later confirmed that they found THC in the infant's system. Limpert later admitted making the mac and cheese with THC for her husband, but did not know her daughter ingested it. Limpert is due back in court April 19. At the home, police report they found two marijuana grow tents in the garage. They also found mushrooms, bongs and pipes, containers of hash oil and other drug paraphernalia. In the home's refrigerator, on the top shelf were three large tubs of THC butter.   Tech Support Pits From: Joy Re: Set file types  Dear Webby Sometimes I can't open picture attachments in email. The message I get is,"This file does not have a program associated with it for performing this action. Create an association in the Folders Options Control Panel. I don't really know what to do after opening the Folder Options folder. Can you help me? Thanks, Joy  Dear Joy Right-Click on START select EXPLORE Click on TOOLS FOLDER OPTIONS FILE TYPES Scroll down to the file type that you need a program for, highlight it click on advanced, and select a suitable program for it. For GIF, JPG, PNG, BMP select PaintShop Pro or whatever you use for graphics. For PDF use Foxit or Adobe Acrobat, for PPT use Microsoft PowerPoint viewer. Have FUN DearWebby    You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. Hilda was like that. So when she and her new husband husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Easy! Just carry your own suitcase." 
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 A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz, the historic prison island. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally, they reached the ticket window. "Five tickets, please," the father said. "Two round trip, three one way." 
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 Dentist to Patient: "Would you help me out? I'd like you to give a few of your loudest screams?" Patient: "Why, Doc? I didn't feel a thing!" Dentist: "I know, but there are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the five o'clock foot- ball game." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Apply for Financial Aid Early If you or a loved one is going to college this fall, apply for financial aid as early as possible. The amount of aid you get is based on your need level, fund availability, and the date your application process is completed. It pays to be on top of it. File your financial aid application as soon as you file your taxes. You should have all the paperwork you need since February.  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________  Andy was reading the paper while his son was doing homework on the opposite side of the table. "Dad", his son asked, "how many people work in the Government?" Without looking up, Andy responded: "Oh, probably less than half of them."  
So what do you think, made by nature or made by humans billions of years ago? 
 ___________________________________________________ An airliner is coming into land at an airport obscured by fog. Visibility is practically nil, the ILS system is on the blink, so the pilot has to land on wits alone. "Flaps, check," he says to the co-pilot, "Landing Gear, check. Altitude, check. Right, we're going in. Hold on." The plane lands and comes to a screeching, grinding halt; just short of the edge of the runway. "Holy Cow!" exclaims the pilot, "This must be the shortest runway I've ever landed on!" The co-pilot looks left and right and says "Yeah, and about the widest, too..." ------------------------- That reminds me of a landing in Burwash in the Yukon in 71. Burwash is at the end of Kluane Lake, beside Kluane National Park. Very scenic. Also the worlds windiest airport. There was a short dirt taxi-way and parking area between the gravel runway and the occasionally staffed airport building. We used an old Piper Cub to get from there to Tincup Lake, where another guy and me were pretending to be carpenters and built a big fishing lodge without anybody ever catching on that we were learning carpentry as we went. We stayed in tents at Tincup Lake and once a week flew out to Burwash for hot showers and a meal that we did not have to poach, to pick up nails and other supplies, and to flirt at the waitresses. Top speed of the old souped up Cub was about 85 miles per hour when the tank was near empty. This one day the wind was 80, gusting to 90. Just before Burwash our route was near the Alaska Highway. Cars on the highway below sure looked fast whenever we were drifting backwards! When we finally got to the airport, we realized that there was just no way we would be able to taxi from the runway across the wind over to the parking area without getting flipped sideways. Gerry, who was just as crazy as me, hovered over the taxi way like a tethered kite and slowly forced the plane down to the tiedowns. The tiedowns were 55 gallon drums filled with cast iron engine blocks and old batteries. When we were low enough, I climbed out onto the wing to wheel support strut, and while hanging on with one hand and one leg, fished for the rope on the first barrel. After a few tries I got hold of it and cinched down the left wing. With the engine still running at full blast, I clambered over to the other side, being careful not to touch the ground and taking any weight off the little plane, and finally tied down that side, just before we ran out fuel. After climbing out, Gerry tied the stick to the seat, -yes, the front had a real seat, not just a cooler-, so that the wind forced the tail down. Then we carried a couple of 10 gallon drums filled with concrete and chains over to the tail to tie it down. It's amazing how fast you can run while carrying those drums, when you are in a hurry and you have an 80 mile per hour wind at your back! The waitresses in Burwash didn't want us to fly back that night and managed to persuade us to spend the night. By morning the wind had slowed down considerably, but we didn't need the real runway. The width of the taxi strip was plenty. ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, April 8 in 1513 - Explorer Juan Ponce de Leon claimed Florida for Spain. 1525 - Albert von Brandenburg, the leader of the Teutonic Order, assumes the title "Duke of Prussia" and passed the first laws of the Protestant church, making Prussia a Protestant state. 1832 - About 300 American troops of the 6th Infantry left Jefferson Barracks, St. Louis, to confront the Sauk Indians in the Black Hawk War. 1834 - In New York City, Cornelius Lawrence became the first mayor to be elected by popular vote in a city election. 1873 - Alfred Paraf patented the first successful oleomargarine. 1911 - The first squash tournament was played at the Harvard Club in New York City. 1939 - Italy invaded Albania. 1942 - The Soviets opened a rail link to the besieged city of Leningrad. 1946 - The League of Nations assembled in Geneva for the last time. 1947 - The first illustrated insurance policy was issued by the Allstate Insurance Company. 1952 - U.S. President Truman seized steel mills to prevent a nationwide strike. 1953 - The bones of Sitting Bull were moved from North Dakota to South Dakota. 1962 - Bay of Pigs invaders got thirty years imprisonment in Cuba. 1985 - India filed suit against Union Carbide for the Bhopal disaster. 1985 - Phyllis Diller underwent a surgical procedure for permanent eyeliner to eliminate the need for eyelid makeup. 1986 - Clint Eastwood was elected mayor of Carmel, CA. 1988 - Former U.S. President Reagan aide Lyn Nofzinger was sentenced to prison for illegal lobbying for Wedtech Corp. 1990 - In Nepal, King Birendra lifted the 30-year ban on political parties. 1992 - In Britain, the last issue of "Punch Magazine" was published. 1994 - Smoking was banned in the Pentagon and all U.S. military bases. 2000 - 19 U.S. troops were killed when a Marine V22 Osprey crashed during a training mission in Arizona. 2002 - Ed McMahon filed a $20 million lawsuit against his insurance company, two insurance adjusters, and several environmental cleanup contractors. The suit alleged breach of contract, negligence and intentional infliction of emotional distress concerning a toxic mold that had spread through McMahon's Beverly Hills home. 2018 Do smiled. 
 
 

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