Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, April 4 Happy Easter! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Baltimore Police identify suspect in Rosedale triple shooting ___________________________________________________ Today, April 4 in 1967 The U.S. lost its 500th plane over Vietnam. ____________________________________________________ Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at. --- Jimmy Demaret ____________________________________________________ A little boy runs up to his mother and shouts, "Mommy! Mommy! I want to be a drummer when I grow up!" The mother sweetly replies, "You can't do BOTH." ____________________________________________________ Jane and Gina and Mona died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was. Jane said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he turned her away. Gina said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he turned her away. Mona said she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said, "OK, tell me." She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder..." St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good!" Mona continued, "Now every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey." ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ The widow lay crying on her psychiatrist's couch. "We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said, dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those years." "Amazing," said the doctor. "How did you do it?" "I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Evoire Collier, 21, Dorian Taylor, 24, in jail in Miami, Florida, USA Men drugged, raped woman found dead in Florida hotel during spring break Two North Carolina men visiting south Florida for spring break have been charged with drugging and raping a woman who later died, according to police records. According to the Miami Herald, 21-year-old Evoire Collier and 24-year-old Dorian Taylor are charged with: burglary with battery sexual battery petty theft credit card fraud They could also face murder or manslaughter charges pending the woman's autopsy. Police say Collier admitted he and Taylor had sex with the woman in a hotel room after giving her "a green pill" believed to be Percocet. She was found dead on the room's bed on Thursday. Collier and Taylor were arrested Sunday after using the woman's credit cards at a Miami Beach liquor store, authorities said. Police said the men stole the womans cash, credit cards and phone, and left her in the room without any concern for her welfare or safety. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: David Re: Set Full size browser as deault Dear Webby I've got a stupid question for you. It used to be, when I clicked on a link that opened a new page, it would come up as a full new page. Now when I click the link, I get a half page. I used to know how to change this but I haven't had to do it for so long that I've forgotten. A little help please. How do I change the size of a new page? David Viewing pages full size has gone out of fashion, because you don't see what might be opening behind it. Also, with the higher resolutions commonly used nowadays, you can comfortably have two pages open side by side if you squish them a bit. F11 toggles a window to full screen and back. To set full screen as the default, even though Microsoft has decided it is a dumb idea and refuses to tell you how to do it, follow this top secret rigmarole: Close all browser windows but one. Open a new window from a link on the remaining window. Close the old window (not the new one that just opened up). Adjust the window to be the size you want all the new windows to be (you cannot use the maximize button for this, you have to actually squish or stretch the size of the window to be what you want the windows to automatically open up as). Hold down the CTRL key while closing the window. From now on, all your new windows should open up to that size until perform a similar process telling IE that you want all new windows to be the new size. Most likely what occurred is that you manually sized a window to that size, closed it, and IE remembered that as your preferred window size. Have FUN! DearWebby An American was waiting on a London street corner. An attractive English girl was passing by when a gust of wind blew her dress above her waist. "A bit airy..." remarked the American. Hearing this, the Cockney girl replied indignantly, " 'ell yes! What did you expect ..... feathers?!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ An irritated father complained to his golf buddy. "When I was a kid, my parents sent me to my room without supper if I misbehaved. But my son has his own color TV, telephone, computer, every computer game and CD player in his room!" "So how do you handle it?" his friend asked. "I send him to MY room!" ____________________________________________ Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them yelled, "Ma'am, STOP! You knocked out your cat with the first slam. If you are going to keep doing that, you are going to get some very expensive vet bills!" ____________________________________________ Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had accidentally been served to a luncheon meeting of local ministers, the restaurant's owner waited nervously for the clerics' reaction. "Quick, man," he whispered to the waiter, "what did they say?" "Nothing," replied the waiter. "They were all too busy slipping the seeds into their pockets." ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, April 4 in 1541 Ignatius of Loyola became the first superior-general of the Jesuits. 1581 Francis Drake was knighted by Queen Elizabeth I. A few months earlier he became the first Englishman to circumnavigate the world. 1687 King James II ordered that his declaration of indulgence be read in church. 1812 The territory of Orleans became the 18th U.S. state and will become known as Louisiana. 1850 The city of Los Angeles was incorporated. 1862 In the U.S., the Battle of Yorktown began as Union General George B. McClellan closed in on Richmond, VA. 1887 Susanna M. Salter became mayor of Argonia, KS, making her the first woman mayor in the U.S. 1902 British Financier Cecil Rhodes left $10 million in his will that would provide scholarships for Americans to Oxford University in England. 1905 In Kangra, India, an earthquake killed 370,000 people. 1914 The first known serialized moving picture opened in New York City, NY. It was "The Perils of Pauline". 1917 The U.S. Senate voted 90-6 to enter World War I on the Allied side. 1918 The Battle of Somme, an offensive by the British against the German Army ended. 1932 After five years of research, professor C.G. King, of the University of Pittsburgh, isolated vitamin C. 1945 Hungary was liberated from Nazi occupation. 1945 At he end of World War II, U.S. forces liberated the Nazi death camp Ohrdruf in Germany. 1949 Twelve nations signed a treaty to create The North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). 1953 Fifteen doctors were released by Soviet leaders. The doctors had been arrested before Stalin had died and were accused of plotting against him. 1967 The U.S. lost its 500th plane over Vietnam. 1968 Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated at the age of 39. 1969 Dr. Denton Cooley implanted the first temporary artificial heart. 1973 In New York, the original World Trade Center twin towers opened. At the time they were the tallest building in the world. 1975 More than 130 people, most of them children, were killed when a U.S. Air Force transport plane evacuating Vietnamese orphans crashed just after takeoff from Saigon. 1979 Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, the president of Pakistan, was executed. He had been convicted of conspiring to murder a political opponent. 1981 Henry Cisneros became the first Mexican-American elected mayor of a major U.S. city, which was San Antonio, TX. 1983 At Cape Canaveral, the space shuttle Challenger took off on its first flight. It was the sixth flight overall for the shuttle program. 1984 U.S. President Reagan proposed an international ban on chemical weapons. 1985 In Sudan, a coup ousted President Nimeiry and replaced him with General Dahab. 1986 Wayne Gretzky set an NHL record with his 213th point of the season. 1987 The U.S. charged the Soviet Union with wiretapping a U.S. Embassy. 1988 Arizona Governor Evan Mecham was voted out of office by the Arizona Senate. Mecham was found guilty of diverting state funds to his auto business and of trying to impede an investigation into a death threat to a grand jury witness. 1990 In the U.S., securities law violator Ivan Boesky was released from federal custody. 1991 Pennsylvanian Senator John Heinz and six others were killed when a helicopter collided with Heinz's plane over a schoolyard in Merion, PA. 1992 Sali Berisha became the first non-Marxist president of Albania since World War II. 1994 Netscape Communications (Mosaic Communications) was founded. 1995 U.S. Senator Alfonse D'Amato ridiculed judge Lance Ito using a mock Japanese accent on a nationally syndicated radio program. D'Amato apologized two days later for the act. 1999 The Colorado Rockies and the San Diego Padres played the first major league season opener to be held in Mexico. The Rockies beat the Padres 8-2. 2017 In Honk Kong, the Pink Star diamond sold at auction for $71 million. The auction set a record for any diamond or jewel. The diamond is a 59.60-carats. 2021 Do smiled. |
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