Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, December 8 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: DUI driver danced on car, fled on kid's scooter, got caught anyway. Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, December 8 in 1854 Pope Pius IX proclaimed the dogma of the Immaculate Conception. His theory holds that Mary, mother of Jesus, was free of original sin from the moment she was conceived. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Crime does not pay ... as well as politics. --- Alfred E. Newman The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid. --- Art Spander ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ As a distinguished matron approached the church entrance, a little boy stepped aside and held the door for her. "What a polite little doorman," she said as she walked through. "Is there a tip involved?" "Oh, no," answered the young man. "My mother taught me never to be good for money, but always to be good for nothing." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ An elderly couple, Marty and Helen, along with some friends agreed to try a Thai Restaurant. While looking at the menu, Helen noticed her husband looking at the vegetarian section of the menu. "What would you like Marty?" she asked. "I'm looking at this Eggplant Spicy dish." He replied. "Marty, you like meat and potatoes. You won't like that dish." Helen said. "What do you know," answered Marty, "I'm getting it." "Marty, I'm telling' you, you are a meat and potatoes kind of guy. You won't like it!" Helen exclaimed. "I'm getting it and that is the last word!" says Marty. A short while later the meals arrive at the table. Marty looks down and his dish and says to Helen, "Where are my eggs?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Mrs. McDougal was shopping at a produce stand in her neighborhood. She approached the vendor and asked, "How much are these oranges?" "Two for a quarter," answered the vendor. "How much is just one?" she asked. "Fifteen cents," answered the vendor. "Then I'll take the other one," said Mrs. McDougal. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sabra Bewley, 27, Sparks, Nevada DUI driver danced on car, fled on kid's scooter, got caught anyway. Police say a Nevada woman was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving after she drove down a highway the wrong way, danced atop her SUV and attempted to flee from officers on a kid's scooter. Police in the city of Sparks answered a call Saturday for a wrong-way driver and found 27-year-old Sabra Bewley's Jeep Cherokee some 20 yards up a hill off a highway. Officers said Bewley was acting erratically and dancing on top of the Cherokee before attempting to get away on a kid's scooter. Police detained Bewley and took her to a hospital before she was booked into the Washoe County jail. She was arrested on suspicion of possession of a controlled substance, trafficking MDMA, destruction of property and resisting arrest. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Yara Re: Shaky tripod Dear Webby, I have to use a tripod to take pictures at work for maintenance planning. Flash is useless when distance is involved and the lighting requires long exposures. Combined with slightly vibrating floors and a shaky, well worn tripod, the pictures turn out crappy. Is there a fix fo that? Yara Dear Yara A modern camera with digital anti-shake technology takes care of that without any tripod at all. However, if that is not in the budget, use big gobs of two component rubber, like they use for patching conveyor belts, or lots of half chewed chewing gum, and attach tennis balls to the feet of the tripod. Dont poke holes into the balls! Attach the legs to the outside of not punctured balls! Then use a piece of coathanger wire to hang a metal weight off the wing-bolt or star wheel that is used to attach the camera. Do NOT use stretchable string or soft weights. Only a solid metal-to-metal connection lets you take advantage of the inertia of the mass in the weight, and forces the tennis balls to absorb any vibration. If you used a bungee cord and a sand bag, the sandbag would be perfectly still, but the camera would still vibrate. A hanging weight is not perfect, but it will cause a remarkable improvement. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A woman was walking along pushing her newborn baby in the carriage when an old friend approached her. The friend leaned over, peering into the carriage said, "What a beautiful baby boy, and he looks JUST like his father." "I know", replied the woman, "I just wish he looked more like my husband!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Reading on Vacation "What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed. "Well, I went down to Busch Gardens on vacation and decided to take a ride on the Loch Ness Monster... As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view." "And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor. "Yes," he said sheepishly, "Remain seated at all times!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Kitchen Time Saver - Cook Two Casseroles When making a casserole, double the ingredients and make two. Cook one and store the other in the freezer. Cover the casserole in plastic wrap and then aluminum foil before freezing. Use a marker to write the date on the foil. You can re-use the foil to cover the casserole when cooking it. Casseroles can be frozen for 3 months. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com font> ____________________________________________________ At the end of the college year, a star football player celebrated the relaxation of team curfew by attending a late night campus party. Soon after arriving, he became captivated by a beautiful young lady and eased into a conversation with her by asking if she met many dates at parties. "Oh, I have a 3.9, so I'm much more attracted to the strong academic types than to dumb party animals," she said. "What's your G.P.A.?" Grinning from ear to ear, the jock boasted, "I get about 27 in the city and 38 on the highway." | | I could stay in this tree house room for a while, it's lovely. |
An American tourist in London decided to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wandered around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint of Guinness. After awhile, he found himself in a very high class neighborhood..... big, stately residences... no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all... NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS. He really, really had to go, after all those pints of Guinnesss. He found a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decided to use the wall to solve his problem. As he was unzipping, he was tapped on the shoulder by a London bobbie, who said, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know." "I'm very sorry, officer," replied the American, "but I really, really HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public restroom." "Ah, yes," said the Bobbie..."Just follow me". He led him to a back "delivery alley", then along a wall to a gate which he opened. "In there," pointed the Bobbie. "Whiz away,... anywhere you want." The fellow entered and found himself in the most beautiful garden he had ever seen -- manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom. Since he had the cop's blessing, he zipped down and unburdened himself and was greatly relieved. As he went back through the gate, he said to the bobbie, "That was really decent of you .... is that "British Hospitality?". "No" replied the Bobbie, with a satisfied smile on his face, "that is the French Embassy." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, December 8, in 1776 George Washington's retreating army in the American Revolution crossed the Delaware River from New Jersey to Pennsylvania. 1854 Pope Pius IX proclaimed the dogma of the Immaculate Conception. His theory holds that Mary, mother of Jesus, was free of original sin from the moment she was conceived. 1863 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln announced his plan for the Reconstruction of the South. 1863 Tom King of England defeated American John Heenan and became the first world heavyweight champion. 1886 At a convention of union leaders in Columbus, OH, the American Federation of Labor was founded. 1941 The United States entered World War II when it declared war against Japan. The act came one day after the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. Canada declared war on Japan a day earlier. 1949 The Chinese Nationalist government moved from the Chinese mainland to Formosa due to Communists pressure. 1952 On the show "I Love Lucy," a pregnancy was acknowledged in a TV show for the first time. 1953 Los Angeles became the third largest city in the United States. 1962 Workers of the International Typographical Union began striking and closed nine New York City newspapers. The strike lasted 114 days and ended April 1, 1963. 1980 Zimbabwe's manpower minister, Edgar Tekere, was found guilty in the killing of a white farmer. He was freed under a law that protected ministers acting to suppress terrorism. 1982 Norman D. Mayer demanding an end to nuclear weapons held the Washington Monument hostage. He threatened to blow it up with explosives he claimed were inside a van. 10 hours later he was shot to death by police. 1984 In Roanoke, Virginia, a jury found Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt innocent of libeling Reverend Jerry Falwell with a parody advertisement. However Falwell was awarded $200,000 for emotional distress. 1987 U.S. President Reagan and Soviet leader Mikhail S. Gorbachev signed a treaty agreeing to destroy their nations' arsenals of intermediate-range nuclear missiles. 1987 The "intefadeh" (Arabic for uprising) by Palestinians in the Israeli-occupied territories began. 1989 Communist leaders in Czechoslovakia offered to surrender their control over the government and accept a minority role in a coalition Cabinet. 1991 Russia, Byelorussia and Ukraine declared the Soviet national government to be dead. They forged a new alliance to be known as the Commonwealth of Independent States. The act was denounced by Russian President Gorbachev as unconstitutional. 1992 Americans got to see live television coverage of U.S. troops landing on the beaches of Somalia during Operation Restore Hope. (Due to the time difference, it was December 9 in Somalia.) 1993 U.S. President Clinton signed into law the North American Free Trade Agreement. 1994 Bosnian Serbs released dozens of hostage peacekeepers, but continued to detain about 300 others. 1994 In Los Angeles, 12 alternate jurors were chosen for the O.J. Simpson murder trial. 1997 The second largest bank was created with the announcement that Union Bank Switzerland and the Swiss Bank Corporation would merge. The combined assets were more than $590 billion. 1997 Jenny Shipley was sworn in as the first female prime minister of New Zealand. 1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police could not search a person or their cars after ticketing for a routine traffic violation. 1998 The FBI opened its files on Frank Sinatra to the public. The file contained over 1,300 pages. 1998 Nkem Chukwu and Iyke Louis Udobi's first of eight babies was born. The other seven were delivered 12 days later. 1998 AT&T Corp. announced that it was buying IBM's data networking business for $5 billion cash. 1998 The first female ice hockey game in Olympic history was played. Finland beat Sweden 6-0. 1999 In Memphis, TN, a jury found that Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. had been the victim of a vast murder conspiracy, not a lone assassin. 1999 Russia and Belarus agreed in principle to form an economic and political confederation. 2000 Mario Lemieux announced to the Pittsburgh Penguins that he planned to return to the National Hockey League (NHL) as a player at age 35. He would be the first modern owner- player in U.S. pro sports. 2017 Do smiled. |
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