Good Morning, Do, Today is Wednesday, February 14 Happy Valentines Day! Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Car thief called owner for help in starting vehicle Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, February 14 in 1876 Alexander Graham Bell filed an application for a patent for the telephone. It was officially issued on March 7, 1876. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ There is nothing more demoralizing than a small but adequate income. --- Edmund Wilson (1895 - 1972) Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal. --- Albert Camus (1913 - 1960) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ From Donny: Husband's Text Message: Honey, car hit me when I was out of the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They're doing tests and X-rays. I had a blow to my head, very strong, fortunately it did not cause serious injury, but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in my left leg and they may have to amputate right foot." Wife's Response: Who's Paula?" ______________________________________________________ A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, "Now, children, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes, sir," the class said together. Then he asked, "Then why is it that while I am standing upright, in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "'Cause yer feet ain't empty!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Little Johnny loved surfing the Web, and kept track of his passwords by writing them on Post-it notes. His mother noticed his Disney password was, "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long. And little Johnny said, "Because, they said it has to have at least four characters." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Edward Leroy Wilson, ST. CLOUD, Minnesota Car thief called owner for help in starting vehicle A thief who had trouble restarting the car he had just stolen actually called the vehicle's owner for help. Edward Leroy Wilson stole the car outside a Minneapolis Walmart on Monday after the owner used an auto-starter from inside the store. When the owner went outside, the car was gone and about an hour away at that time. USA Today reports later that night, the owner received a call from a woman who said a man was asking about the car. Wilson then got on the phone and identified himself as an employee at a glass repair shop. Wilson said he had parked the car, but was unable to restart it and asked the owner to contact someone who could. Police responded to the scene of a suspicious person and found Wilson and the stolen car. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rob A Re: Hidden Pictures in WORD Dear Webby, I understand from my wife that you answer computer problem questions. She speaks highly of you so I thought I would pose a question that I need answered in the worst way... About a week ago I was putting together a letter in Microsoft Word using many pictures. I had pasted in 9 pictures when I clicked on an item in one of the tool bars and instantly the pictures disappeared and in their place were 9 rectangular outlines the size of each picture. Unfortunately, I cannot recall what I clicked on nor exactly where it is located. I have hunted and hunted through the tools to try to restore the pictures but to no avail. Since then I have tried pasting in new pictures on a new Word "sheet" and guess what I get...a rectangle box instead. The box is composed of four connected perpendicular lines and when I click in the center of the "box" the box disappears and I get eight black dots in it's place. I believe what I originally clicked on was an on/off switch of some kind and all that needs to happen is to click on it again to correct the situation. If you know how to restore my pictures or know of someone who does, please tell me. {I have no desire to contact Microsoft because of their high and mighty attitude.} Thanks for your willingness to help others, Dear Rob Wire frames or placeholders are rarely used while writing, but really speed up scrolling while proofreading books or searching for something in a lengthy e-book or article. To turn the wire frames off and reveal pictures, Click on TOOLS Options View take the checkmark off "Picture Placeholders" hit OK Your pictures will show again. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon." The other drunk stops and look at his drunk friend, "You are wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun." Both started arguing for a while when they come upon another drunk walking so they stopped him. "Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?" The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
One day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway near Chicago. When he turned onto the street at the end of the ramp, he noticed someone at a chicken place getting into his car. The driver placed the bucket of chicken on top of his car, got in and drove off with the bucket still on top of his car. So the trooper decides to pull him over and perform a community service by giving the driver his chicken. So he pulled him over, walked up to the car, pulled the bucket off the roof and offered it to the driver. The driver looks at the trooper and says, "No thanks, I just bought some." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Waxed Floors Prolong the life of waxed floors by using a dust mop instead of a broom. Broom bristles are harder on the wax than a soft dust mop. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Amber Rose for this report: How to Make a Woman Happy It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother, a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynecologist 16. a psychologist 17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener 21. an organizer 22. a good father 23. very clean 24. sympathetic 25. athletic 26. warm 27. attentive 28. gallant 29. intelligent 30. funny 31. creative 32. tender 33. strong 34. understanding 35. tolerant 36. prudent 37. ambitious 38. capable 39. courageous 40. determined 41. true 42. dependable 43. passionate 44. compassionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 45. give her compliments regularly 46. love shopping 47. be honest 48. be very rich 49. not stress her out 50. not look at other girls AND AT THE SAME TIME, HE MUST ALSO: 51. give her lots of attention, but expect little himself 52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself 53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes IT IS VERY IMPORTANT: 54. Never to forget: * birthdays * anniversaries * arrangements she makes, no matter whether she tells him about them or not HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY 1. Show up naked 2. Bring food | | How would you like to take a vacation here? |
An Australian bank officer heard the following explanation for a farmer's money troubles: He said, "It all started back in 1966 when they changed pounds to dollars, me bloomin' overdraft doubled. Then they brought in kilograms instead of pounds and me wool clip dropped by half. Then they changed rain to millimeters and we haven't had a inch of rain since. They brought in Celsius and it never got over 40; no wonder me wheat wouldn't grow. Then they changed acres to hectares and I ended up with half the land I had. By that time, I'd had it and decided to sell out. I got the place in the agent's hands and they changed from miles to kilometers. Now, I'm too far out of town for anyone to buy the stinking place." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, February 14, in 1778 The Stars and Stripes was carried to a foreign port, in France, for the first time. It was aboard the American ship Ranger. 1803 Moses Coates received a patent for the apple parer. 1849 The first photograph of a U.S. President, while in office, was taken by Matthew Brady in New York City. President James Polk was the subject of the picture. 1876 Alexander Graham Bell filed an application for a patent for the telephone. It was officially issued on March 7, 1876. 1889 In Los Angeles, CA, oranges began their first trip to the east. 1899 The U.S. Congress approved voting machines for use in federal elections. 1900 Russia imposed tighter imperial control over Finland in response to an international petition for Finland's freedom. 1900 In South Africa, British Gen. Roberts invaded Orange Free State with 20,000 troops. 1912 The first diesel engine submarine was commissioned in Groton, CT. 1920 The League of Women Voters was founded in Chicago. The first president of the organization was Maude Wood Park. 1929 The "St. Valentine's Day Massacre" took place in Chicago, IL. Seven gangsters who were rivals of Al Capone were killed. 1932 The U.S. won the first bobsled competition at the Winter Olympic Games at Lake Placid, NY. 1940 The first porpoise born in captivity arrived at Marineland in Florida. 1945 Peru, Paraguay, Chile and Ecuador joined the United Nations. 1946 ENIAC (Electronic Numerical Integrator and Computer) was unveiled. The device, built at the University of Pennsylvania, was the world's first general purpose electronic computer. 1961 Lawrencium, element 103, was first produced in Berkely, CA. 1962 U.S. First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy gave a tour of the White House on television. 1979 Adolph Dubs, the U.S. ambassador to Afghanistan, was kidnapped in Kabul by Muslim extremists. He was killed in a shootout between his abductors and police. 1983 A 6-year-old boy became the first person to receive a heart and liver transplants in the same operation. 1985 Cable News Network (CNN) reporter Jeremy Levin was freed. He had been held in Lebanon by extremists. 1989 Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini called on Muslims to kill Salman Rushdie because of his novel "The Satanic Verses." 1989 The first satellite of the Global Positioning System was placed into orbit around Earth. 1989 Union Carbide agreed to pay $470 million to the government of India. The court-ordered settlement was a result of the 1984 Bhopal gas leak disaster. 1997 Astronauts on the space shuttle Discovery began a series of spacewalks that were required to overhaul the Hubble Space Telescope. 1998 U.S. authorities officially announced that Eric Rudolph was a suspect in a bombing of an abortion clinic in Alabama. 2002 Sylvester Stallone filed a lawsuit against Kenneth Starr. The suit alleged that Starr had given bad advice about selling Planet Hollywood stock. 2003 In Madrid, Spain, a ceramic plate with a bullfighting motif painted by Pablo Picasso in 1949 was stolen from an art show. The plate was on sale for $12,400. 2005 The video-sharing website YouTube was activated. 2018 Do smiled. |
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