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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, January 26, in 1998, U.S. President Clinton denied having an affair with a former White House intern, saying "I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky." ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Awards: AZ Felon shot transient woman in the alley __________________________________________________ Q We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people. --- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860) Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. --- Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977) To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost. --- Gustave Flaubert (1821 - 1880) _________________________________________________ A woman picked up a few items in the supermarket, then headed for the express line. The clerk had his back turned to her, so she said, "Excuse me. I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?" The clerk turned, looked her up and down and said, "Not bad looking at all, for your age." __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An International Bonehead Award has been earned by James A. Taylor, 40, Chandler, Arizona, USA Felon shot transient woman in the alley Chandler Police say a suspect was arrested following a deadly shooting in the East Valley city that stemmed from an argument about barking dogs. The shooting happened on Jan. 20 near Arizona Avenue and Pecos Road. Police say just after 9:24 a.m., they received a call about a sound of shots in the area, and when officers arrived, they found a woman suffering from a gunshot wound. The woman was taken to the hospital, where she later died. She's identified as Jessica Luz. "40-year-old James A. Taylor was identified as the suspect in the shooting," read a statement from police after the shooting. "Taylor was taken into custody in a nearby area without further incident." Schools in the area were placed on lockdown as a precaution. A shelter-in-place order that was in place has since been lifted. A few days later, Chandler Police detailed more about the shooting. "The investigation determined Luz was a transient known to frequent the area. The suspect was upset because his dogs were barking at Luz in the alley. Through investigation, detectives determined the suspect had yelled at Luz to get out of the alley and Luz refused to leave. Taylor retrieved a firearm from his residence, returned to the alley and again told Luz to leave threatening to shoot her. When she refused Taylor shot Luz multiple times." Taylor is accused of first-degree murder and possession of a weapon by a prohibited possessor. ___________________________________________________________ John Fisher ___________________________________________________ The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, everybody else does, often long before you actually get around to doing it. --------------- That is why I left Austria nd came to Canada in 1970. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ____________________________________________________ Let's put tax cuts in terms everyone can understand. Suppose that every day, ten men go out for dinner. The bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this: The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing and eat for free; The fifth would pay $1: The sixth would pay $3; The seventh $7; The eighth $12; The ninth $18. The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59. That's what they decided to do. The ten men ate dinner in the restaurant every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement -- until one day, the restaurant owner threw them a curve. "Since you are all such good customers," he said, I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20." So now dinner for the ten only cost $80. The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes. So the first four men were unaffected. They would still eat for free. But what about the other six -- the paying customers? How could they divvy up the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his "fair share?" The six men who had to pay realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would end up being *paid* to eat their meal. So the restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same proportion he had been paying. He proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay based on how they paid their taxes --- and so: The fifth man paid nothing (he had been paying $1) The sixth pitched in $2 (instead of his usual $3), The seventh paid $5 (instead of his usual $7) The eighth paid $9 (instead of his usual $12) The ninth paid $14 (rather than his usual $18) Leaving the tenth man with a bill of $50 instead of his previous $59. Each of the six was better off than before, and the first four continued to eat for free. As they left the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. I only got a dollar out of the $20," declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth and grumbled, "But he got $9!" Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got nine times more than me!" That's true!" shouted the seventh man, "Why should he get $9 back when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!" The eighth man grumbled, "He got three times as much back as I did, it isn't fair, it isn't fair at all." The ninth man screamed, "He got more than twice what I did." Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. We didn't get anything at all, the system exploits the poor, it's unfair, it's based on prejudice!" The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up. The next night the tenth man didn't show up for dinner, so the nine sat down and ate without him. When it came time to pay the bill, they each chipped in their revised amounts for the $80 tab and discovered something very important. They were $50 short! And that, boys and girls, journalists, college instructors (and teachers in general) is how the tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up at the table anymore. If you're the ninth man you better find other companions, maybe in a tax haven somewhere, because you know who the other eight will expect to make up the difference. Unfortunately, Liberals cannot grasp this straightforward logic, and they probably won't understand this explanation either. ____________________________________________________ Two young women -- best friends -- try to do everything together. One day, one announces that she is going to start a diet to lose the pounds she has recently gained. "Good," the other exclaims. "I'm ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. And when I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I'll call you first." "Great," the first woman replies. "I'll ride with you. Let's go to Burger King." __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! _____________________________________________________ A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber ignored it, and unplugs the TV. Again, the parrot cries out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber started to get a little worried. "What's your name, birdie?" "Moses." "What dummy named you Moses?" "The same dummy who called his rottweiler Jesus." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his check up, the doctor called his wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very serious disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be reasonably pleasant and try to get him into a good mood. For lunch, fix him something hot. For dinner, prepare something hot and fairly nutritious. For a while, don't burden him too much with unnecessary chores. Try not to discuss your stress about the house work and the soap operas too much when he is worrying about the family business, that would just make him feel worse. And most importantly, you must be intimate with your husband at least one day of every week. If you can do this for at least 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say to you?" "You're gonna die. ____________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Amy Re: Skype or ZOOM ? Dear Webby What is better? Skype or Zoom? Amy Dear Amy Skype unfortunately has been bought by Microsoft to prevent Google from getting it. They paid $8.5 BILLION for it to make sure. Unfortunately a year later the yuppies at Microsoft messed with it, and the quality went way down. It still works, but it is not as good as it used to be. Zoom has better video and much better sound. However, with ZOOM you have to emailyour contact the connection URL and pass code. With Skype you just click on their name and fire away a text message. If they are awake, they see it. If they are not, the message sits there waiting for them. You can even send an SMS text to their GPS or cell phone. So, best is to have both. Skype for easy connectivity, ZOOM for high quality. I have frequently sent the ZOOM connection info via Skype. In real life you will need both. For example I have used Skype since the late 90s with never a problem. However, my diabetic nurse is in the Govermint and has to use Zoom. So she emails me the connection info and password, and we connect at the appointed time, so that she can cuss at me for "sinning" last Tuesday evening, as shown by the spike in the graph. For stuff like that I agree, Zoom IS indeed better. However, if you just want to flirt at your lovers, often and without any rigamarole, then use Skype. Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A twenty something year old man who is wearing a modern orthodox style kippah is riding on a bus. A middle aged Jewish lady boards the bus and takes a seat across from the young man. She looks him over for a few minutes and then waves her hand to get his attention. "Excuse me," she says. "I was thinking of setting you up with my daughter, but now I realize thats a bad idea." "Why is that?" the young man asks. "Because," she replies, "the only thing I know about you is that you dont have a car." ____________________________________________________ Today, January 26 in 1500, Vicente Yez Pinzn discovered Brazil. 1736, Stanislaus I formally abdicated as King of Poland. 1784, In a letter to his daughter, Benjamin Franklin expressed unhappiness over the eagle as the symbol of America. He wanted the symbol to be the turkey. 1788, The first European settlers in Australia, led by Captain Arthur Phillip, landed in what became known as Sydney. The group had first settled at Botany Bay eight days before. This day is celebrated as Australia Day. 1802, The U.S. Congress passed an act calling for a library to be established within the U.S. Capitol. 1827, Peru seceded from Colombia in protest against Simn Bolvar's alleged tyranny. 1841, Britain formally occupied Hong Kong, which the Chinese had ceded to the British. 1875, George F. Green patented the electric dental drill for sawing, filing, dressing and polishing teeth. 1905, The Cullinan diamond, at 3,106.75 carats, was found by Captain Wells at the Premier Mine, near Pretoria, South Africa. 1911, Inventor Glenn H. Curtiss flew the first successful seaplane. 1939, In the Spanish Civil War, Franco's forces, with Italian aid, took Barcelona. 1942, The first American expeditionary force to go to Europe during World War II went ashore in Northern Ireland. 1947, "The Greatest Story Ever Told" was first heard on ABC radio. 1950, India officially proclaimed itself a republic as Rajendra Prasad took the oath of office as president. 1950, The American Associated Insurance Companies, of St. Louis, MO, issued the first baby sitters insurance policy. 1959, "Alcoa Presents" debuted on ABC-TV. The show would later be renamed "One Step Beyond". 1961, U.S. President John F. Kennedy appointed Dr. Janet G. Travell as the first woman to be the "personal physician to the President". 1962, The U.S. launched Ranger 3 to land scientific instruments on the moon. The probe missed its target by about 22,000 miles. 1965, Hindi was made the official language of India. 1969, California was declared a disaster area after two days of flooding and mudslides. 1972, In Hermsdorf, Czechoslovakia, a JAT Yugoslav Airlines flight crashed after the detonation of a bomb in the forward cargo hold killing 27 people. The bomb was believed to have been placed on the plane by a Croatian extremist group. Vesna Vulovic, a stewardess, survived after falling 33,000 feet in the tail section. She broke both legs and became paralyzed from the waist down. 1979, The Gizmo guitar synthesizer was first demonstrated. 1992, Russian president Boris Yeltsin announced that his country would stop targeting U.S. cities with nuclear weapons. 1993, Former Czechoslovak President Vaclav Havel was elected president of the new Czech Republic. 1994, In Sydney, Australia, a young man lunged at and fired two blank shots at Britain's Prince Charles. 1996, U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton testified before a grand jury concerning the Whitewater probe. 1998, U.S. President Clinton denied having an affair with a former White House intern, saying "I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky." 1999, Saddam Hussein vowed revenge against the U.S. in response to air-strikes that reportedly killed civilians. The strikes were U.S. planes defending themselves against anti-aircraft fire. 2009, The Icelandic government and banking system collapsed. Prime Minister Geir Haarde resigned. 2010, It was announced that James Cameron's movie "Avatar" had become the highest-grossing film worldwide. 2022 Do smiled.
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