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| Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, September 14 ___________________________________________________ History on this day, September 14, in 1812, Moscow was set on fire by Russians after Napoleon Bonaparte's troops invaded. ____________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award California Woman arrested for attacking two men with an empty wine bottle ____________________________________________________ Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. --- Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865) ___________________________________________________ The Water Pistol When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Mom smiled and then replied ... "I remember." ____________________________________________________ "Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir," the new employee replied. "Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on."After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you. ___________________________________________________ If cats wore t-shirts, here is what they might say. "Purrfection cannot be improved" "If you don't like my attitude, you should see my cat" "Take my advice. I'm not using it." "I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?" "Cats know how we feel. They don't care, but they know." "Dogs have owners. Cats have staff." "Thousands of years ago, cats were worshiped as gods. They have never forgotten this." __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ariana Michelle Goree, 31, Palo Alto, California, USA California Woman arrested for attacking two men with an empty wine bottle Police in Palo Alto arrested a woman on Saturday afternoon after she attacked two men with an empty wine bottle and then robbed a third person. Police say the attack happened in the parking lot of th Baylands Athletic Center just before 3:00 p.m. on Saturday. A man reportedly called 911 and claimed 31-year-old Ariana Michelle Goree was following him and attacking him with liquor bottles. According to officials, the two men in their 20's, were unloading a car in the parking lot when Goree went up to them and started yelling. They say she then started attacking them, hitting the men multiple times on the back and arms with the bottle, which did not break. Police say the woman then stole a Bluetooth speaker belonging to a third man. One man had minor injuries, but he declined medical attention. Police returned the speaker to the owner and Goree was booked into the Santa Clara County Main Jail for assault with a deadly weapon and robbery. _____________________________________________________ THE ANNIVERSARY While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the "good old days." Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, "Roy, aren't you and your bride celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?" "Yup, we sure are," Roy replied. "Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" another man asked. The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, "For our 25th anniversary, I took Bea to Tucson. Maybe for our 50th, I'll go down there and get her, and bring her back." _____________________________________________________ Rebutia Heliosa Mauricio Javier Bravo _____________________________________________________ >From Carol Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where tests were performed to determine the source of the pain. My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone. I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?" With a scornful look, the nurse turned to me and snapped, "Honey, he's not THAT sick!" _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop. _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Dana Re: Slide show screen saver in W10 Dear Webby, Yes, I am handicapped with W10, and will never forgive the fat !@#$%& for putting it on MY machine. How do I enable a slide show screen saver, like I had for years on my W7? Thanks Dana Dear Dana Go to All Settings by clicking the Notification Center. Personalization. Background. Choose Slideshow from the background drop menu. Choose Browse. Navigate to your Slideshow folder that you created earlier to specify the directory. Set time interval. Choose a fit. Double-check the folder with the slide show files that they do not contain any pictures, that are not suitable for showing while you are at Walmart or church. Have FUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ An Old Ukrainian woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish Toronto City Building, when two young and beautiful women get into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume. The little old Ukrainian Baba says, "my, what lovely aromas"! One turns to the old Ukrainian woman and says arrogantly, "Romance" by Ralph Loren, $150 an ounce!" The other young and beautiful woman also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, "Channel No. 5, $200 an ounce!" The little Ukrainian woman is feeling very insulted from the remarks made to her. About 3 floors later, the old Ukrainian Baba has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, then bends over and farts and says... "Cabbage. 49 cents a pound." _____________________________________________________ "I hope you didn't take it personally, Pastor," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon." "I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied. "It's not a reflection on you, sir," insisted the church goer. "Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child." _____________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, September 14, in 1807, Former U.S. Vice President Aaron Burr was acquitted of a misdemeanor charge. Two weeks earlier Burr had been found innocent of treason. 1812, Moscow was set on fire by Russians after Napoleon Bonaparte's troops invaded. 1814, Francis Scott Key wrote the "Star-Spangled Banner," a poem originally known as "Defense of Fort McHenry," after witnessing the British bombardment of Fort McHenry, MD, during the War of 1812. The song became the official U.S. national anthem on March 3, 1931. 1847, U.S. forces took control of Mexico City under the leadership of General Winfield Scott. 1866, George K. Anderson patented the typewriter ribbon. 1899, In New York City, Henry Bliss became the first automobile fatality. 1901, U.S. President William McKinley died of gunshot wounds inflicted by an assassin. Vice President Theodore Roosevelt, at age 42, succeeded him. 1915, Carl G. Muench received a patent for Insulit, the first sound-absorbing material to be used in buildings. 1938, The VS-300 made its first flight. The craft was based on the helicopter technology patented by Igor Sikorsky. 1940, The Selective Service Act was passed by the U.S. Congress providing the first peacetime draft in the United States. It was to get ready for WWII. 1948, In New York, a groundbreaking ceremony took place at the site of the United Nations' world headquarters. 1959, Luna II, a Soviet space probe, became the first man- made object on the moon when it crashed on the surface. 1960, The Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC) was founded. The core members were Iran, Iraq, Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, and Venezuela. 1963, Mary Ann Fischer gave birth to America's first surviving quintuplets. 1972, "The Waltons" premiered on CBS-TV. 1975, Pope Paul VI declared Mother Elizabeth Ann Bayley Seton the first U.S.-born saint. 1978, "Mork & Mindy" premiered on ABC-TV. 1983, The U.S. House of Representatives voted 416-0 in a resolution condemning the Soviet Union for the shooting down of a Korean jet on September 1. 1984, Joe Kittinger became the first person to fly a balloon solo across the Atlantic Ocean. 1987, Tony Magnuson cleared 9.5 feet above the top of the U- ramp and set a new skateboard high jump record. 1989, Joseph T. Wesbecker shot and killed eight people and wounded twelve others at a printing plant in Louisville, KY. Wesbecker, 47 years old, was on disability for mental illness. He took his own life after the incident. 1994, It was announced that the season was over for the National Baseball League on the 34th day of the players strike. The final days of the regular season were canceled. 1998, Israel announced that they had successfully tested its Arrow-2 missile defense system. The system successfully destroyed a simulated target. 1999, Disney World closed down for the first time in its 28- year history. The closure was due to Hurricane Floyd heading for Florida. 1999, It was announced that "US" magazine would change from monthly to weekly and change its name to "USWeekly." 2001, Nintendo released the GameCube home video game console in Japan. 2001, The FBI released the names of the 19 suspected hijackers that had taken part in the September 11 terror attacks on the U.S. 2009, Greyhound UK began operations as an hourly service between London and Portsmouth or Southampton. 2015, In Livingston, LA, and Hanford, WA, the Laser Interferometer Gravitational-wave Observatory (LIGO) detectors detected gravitational waves for the first time. The news was reported on February 11, 2016. 2022 Do! smiled. |
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