Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, Nov 8 __________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ History: Today, Nov 6, in 1991, Kuwait celebrated the dousing of the last of the oil fires ignited by Iraq during the Persian Gulf War. __________________________________________________ Q Finance is the art of passing money from hand to hand until it finally disappears. --- Robert W. Sarnoff The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards. --- Arthur Koestler (1905 - 1983) Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it. --- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) ___________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ BONEHEAD AWARD PORCH PIRATE: WOMAN CAUGHT ON CAMERA STEALING MAIL, PACKAGES _______________________________________________________ The cute statements below are said to have been written by actual students and are genuine, authentic and not retouched or corrected: 1. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. 2. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. 3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. 4. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. 5. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles. 6. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. 7. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments. 8. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. 9. The fifth commandment is to humor thy father and mother. 10. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. 11. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. 12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him. 13. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. 14. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. 15. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. 16. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. 17. St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his [Jesus'] head. 18. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. 19. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone." 20. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. 21. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. 22. One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan. 23. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. 24. A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony. _______________________________________________________ Juvinar Santiago Spirit Island, Maligne Lake Jasper AB ___________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ >From Doris Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday. Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night. ___________________________________________________ Kanmore, AB ___________________________________________________ Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby. "This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?" "No, Madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror." ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Amy Re: Slow laser printer Dear Webby I finally followed your advice and got myself a Laser printer. I had always thought DELL was an American company, but it turned out to be Chinese. That kind of miffed me. Then I found out that their printer division is now operated by Lexmark, the former iBM printer division, which is also in China now, but still owned mostly by Mr Bill. What is going on there? Well, enough of that! The printer arrived quickly. I don't use WiFi, being next door to a High School. So I plugged in the USB cable. Windows recognized it and downloaded the driver from the net, and everything was fine. I put the paper in, and according to what you told me many years ago, scribbled TOP onto the top sheet. Then I tried printing. Lights were blinking and it started humming, but nothing happened for a long time. Well, 20 seconds seemed long, while I was wondering if it was broken. Then all of a sudden it started shooting out printed pages, faster than I have ever seen on a printer. Print quality was excellent. What worries me is the delay before it starts the actual printing. Is that normal? Amy Dear Amy Yes, that is quite normal. Lasers don't use liquid ink. They use a dry powder, which is magnetic iron powder and pigment and wax. They use static electricity to position the powder onto the paper, and then use a hot roller to melt it into the paper. When the machine is cold it takes a while to heat up that roller, if you want to do it gently without dimming the lights or popping breakers. Once it is warm, you can print more without waiting for the warm-up. Have FUN! DearWebby _______________________________________________________ A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then, one day, she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?" _________________________________________________ >From Erica I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail. Amen." ___________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ Tammy and Anni were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, Tammy said, "Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset I've lost 20 pounds." "Why don't you just leave him then ?" asked her Anni. "Oh ! Not yet." Tammy replied, "I'd like to lose at least another ten to fifteen pounds first." ____________________________________________ A Bonehead Award has been Reported By Rock TAMARAC, Florida, USA PORCH PIRATE: WOMAN CAUGHT ON CAMERA STEALING MAIL, PACKAGES BSO is asking for help in locating this woman who is was observed stealing a package from the porch of a Tamarac home. The Broward Sheriffs Office Tamarac District detectives are requesting the publics assistance in identifying and finding an individual who was caught on camera stealing packages from a porch. The incident took place around 4 p.m. On Monday, October 23rd, near the 5400 block of Northwest 26th Terrace in Tamarac. Surveillance footage captured a blue sedan driving past the victims house heading southbound on Northwest 50th Street. The same vehicle reversed northbound on Northwest 50th Street and came to a stop in front of the victims residence. After parking, a woman wearing a white T shirt with the band AC/DC printed on it, black shorts, black boots, sunglasses and a yellow necklace exited the drivers side door and walked up to the front porch. The surveillance footage shows her taking mail from the mailbox and stealing a package from in front of the house. She then returned to her vehicle, placed the items in the back seat before getting back behind the wheel and driving away heading southbound. The suspect is described as a female with brown hair aged between 20 and 30 years old. She has a flat and skinny build weighing approximately 120 to 140 pounds. Investigators have noted that the individual in question possesses several tattoos, which were captured on camera footage. The tattoos are visible on the right ankle as well as both thighs, arms and forearms. One of the tattoos has been identified by detectives as an hourglass located on the right thigh of the person in question. If anyone has any information regarding the current location of the porch pirate, kindly reach out to Detective Sophie Riggs at BSO Tamarac District by dialing 954 247 6033. _________________________________________________ History On November 6, in 1789, Father John Carroll was appointed as the first Roman Catholic bishop in the United States of America. 1860, Abraham Lincoln was elected to be the sixteenth president of the United States. 1861, Jefferson Davis was elected as the president of the Confederacy in the U.S. 1869, The first official intercollegiate football game was played in New Brunswick, NJ. 1894, William C. Hooker received a patent for the mousetrap. 1903, Philippe Bunau-Varilla, as Panama's ambassador to the United States, signed the Hay-Bunau-Varilla Treaty. The document granted rights to the United States to build and indefinitely administer the Panama Canal Zone and its defenses. 1913, Mohandas K. Gandhi was arrested as he led a march of Indian miners in South Africa. 1917, During World War I, Candian forces take the village of Passchendaele, Belgium, in the Third Battle of Ypres. 1923, Jacob Schick was granted a patent for the electric shaver. 1935, Edwin H. Armstrong announced his development of FM broadcasting. 1952, The first hydrogen bomb was exploded at Eniwetok Atoll in the Pacific Ocean. 1961, In the Saraha Desert of Algeria, a natural gas well ignited when a pipe ruptured. The flames rose between 450 feet and 800 feet. The fire burned until April 28, 1962 when a team led by Red Adair used explosives to deprived the fire of oxygen. (Devil's Cigarette Lighter) 1962, The U.N. General Assembly adopts a resolution that condemned South Africa's racist apartheid policies. The resolution also called for all member states to terminate military and economic relations with South Africa. 1965, The Freedom Flights program began which would allow 250,000 Cubans to come to the United States by 1971. 1967, Phil Donahue began a TV talk show in Dayton, OH. The show was on the air for 29 years. 1973, NASA's Pioneer 10 spacecraft began photographing Jupiter. 1975, King Hassan II of Morocco launches the Green March, a mass migration of 300,000 unarmed Moroccans, that march into the nation of Western Sahara. 1977, 39 people were killed when an earthen dam burst, sending a wall of water through the campus of Toccoa Falls Bible College in Georgia. 1983, U.S. Army choppers dropped hundreds of leaflets over northern and central Grenada. The leaflets urged residents to cooperate in locating any Grenadian army or Cuban resisters to the U.S-led invasion. 1984, For the first time in 193 years, the New York Stock Exchange remained open during a presidential election day. 1985, Leftist guerrillas belonging to Columbia's April 19 Movement seized control of the Palace of Justice in Bogota. 1986, Former Navy radioman John A. Walker Jr., was sentenced in Baltimore to life imprisonment. Walker had admitted to being the head of a family spy ring. 1986, U.S. intelligence sources confirmed a story run by the Lebanese magazine Ash Shiraa that reported the U.S. had been secretly selling arms to Iran in an effort to secure the release of seven American hostages. 1989, In the hopes of freeing U.S. hostages held in Iran, the U.S. announced that it would unfreeze $567 million in Iranian assets that had been held since 1979. 1990, About 20% of the Universal Studios backlot in southern California was destroyed in an arson fire. 1991, Kuwait celebrated the dousing of the last of the oil fires ignited by Iraq during the Persian Gulf War. 1995, Art Modell, the owner of the Cleveland Browns, announced plans to move his team to Baltimore. (Maryland) 1995, Mark Messier scored his 500th NHL goal. 1996, Michael Jordan scored 50 points for the 29th time in his NBA career. 1998, The Islamic militant group Hamas exploded a car bomb killing the two attackers and injuring 21 civilians. 1999, Australian voters rejected a referendum to drop Britain's queen as their head of state. 2001, In London, the "Lest We Forget" exhibit opened at the National Memorial Arboretum. Fred Seiker was the creator of the 24 watercolors. Seiker was a prisoner of war that had been forced to build the Burma Railroad, the "railway of death," for the Japanese during World War II. 2001, In Madrid, Spain, a car bomb injured about 60 people. The bomb was blamed on Basque separatists. 2001, Ten people were executed in Beijing, China. The state newspaper of China said that all of the people executed were robbers and killers aged 20-2 2023, Do! Smiled. Have Fun Dearwebby
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