Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, November 12 Ice Age is Coming! It is snowing already. ____________________________________________________ Today, November 1 in 1979 U.S. President Carter ordered a halt to all oil imports from Iran in response to 63 Americans being taken hostage at the U.S. embassy in Tehran, Iran on November 4. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Nursing Aide Tried To Fellate Patient _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it. --- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) Who is more busy than he who hath least to do? --- John Clarke "There is no distinctly native American criminal class ...except Congress. --- Mark Twain Cynics regarded everybody as equally corrupt... Idealists regarded everybody as equally corrupt, except themselves. --- Robert Anton Wilson _______________________________________________ "Thank you for calling Adventures in Telephoning Unlimited. If you wish to leave a message for Carol, please press 1. If you wish to leave a message for Marge, please press 2. If it's Kristin you're calling, please press 3. If none of these names make any sense to you, you've probably called the wrong number. In that case, please press 4 and leave a message for Nick, he's feeling ignored." ________________________________________________` ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Roger Cala Martin, 41, Clearwater, Floriduh Nursing Aide Tried To Fellate Patient While conducting a physical exam, a Florida nursing assistant opened his mouth and placed it around" the penis of his patient, according to police who arrested the health care worker on a sexual battery charge. Investigators allege that Roger Cala Martin, 41, was examining the victim's bare genitals when the battery took place around 9 PM Tuesday evening in the Clearwater office of Dr. Eduardo Palanca (seen below). The victim, cops say, was getting an annual physical when he was subjected to Martin's unprovoked and unsolicited sexual contact. The man immediately backed up and left the exam room, notified the doctor and called 911. After being read his rights, Martin reportedly admitted to placing his mouth on [the victim's] penis, cops say. Seen above, Martin was arrested by Clearwater Police Department officers on a felony sexual battery charge and booked into the county jail. He was released from custody yesterday morning after posting $10,000 bond. Martin has been licensed in Florida as a certified nursing assistant since 2010. His license is in the name Roger Cala. Martin's home address is listed as a 4000-square-foot home owned and occupied by Palanca, a 56-year-old primary care physician. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Sharon S Re: Slow playing movies Dear Webby, Thanks. I think I understand it a bit more now. Is any one of them better for videos such as youtube. I have an awful time kkepint youtube playing. I was told by someone that is is because I am still on dialup. I have to get it playing then pause it & come back to ir later. I am at the point where I just don't even bother w/ most of them. Of I should get google chrome or Firefox & put it on the taskbar how do I awitch from IE which will probably have aready come up? Can I uninstall one of the new ones if I am not satified w/ it? Does using a google or firefox affect my mail & reading it? Thanks ever so much for your help. Have a purrfect day, Sharon S Dear Sharon Let's face it, you are severely punishing yourself for the sins of your wicked youth. Dial-Up plus hotmail ! According to hotmail you are in Machesny Park, Illinois, and COULD get pretty fast cable or DSL for a quite reasonable price, if you shopped around a bit. With the connection you have, it makes no difference what browser you use. All will be just as slow. All you can do for movies or music is get it started downloading, and go pray for patience for a while. Re unused browsers, yes, except for IE, they all uninstall cleanly. IE should not be uninstalled, because some Microsoft programs use parts of it for their purposes. That is why the European Union has sued them for big money, and is still suing them. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. What is a human resource? Does your organization struggle with the problem of properly fitting people to jobs? Here is a handy hint for ensuring success in job placement: Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing. If they have taken the table apart in that time, put them in Engineering. If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance. If they are screaming and waving their arms, send them to Manufacturing. If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them. If they are sleeping, they are Management material. If they are writing up the experience, send them to Technical Publications. If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security. If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them to Marketing. And if they've left early, put them in Sales. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
The psychiatrist was interviewing a first time patient. "You say you're here," he inquired, "because your family is worried about your taste in socks"? "That's correct," muttered the patient. "I like wool socks." "But that's perfectly normal," replied the doctor. "Many people prefer wool socks to those made from cotton or acrylic. In fact, I myself, like wool socks." "You do"? exclaimed the man. "With oil and vinegar or just a squeeze of lemon"? ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Wipe Down the Shower After years of scrubbing, it dawned on me one day that it didn't make sense that a tub, where I spend time to get clean, would get "dirty". I finally got everyone in the house to agree to use their towel to wipe down the walls and tub after each use. Now, I rarely have to clean the shower enclosure or tub. By Sandy Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml ____________________________________________________ | | Incredibly Patient Artist Hand-Carves a Delicate Chain from Pencil Lead |
___________________________________________________ The housewife answered the phone and listened with relief to the voice in her ear. "How are you, dear? What kind of day are you having?" "Oh, mom, the baby won't eat, the washing machine is broken, I've not been able to get out of the house to shop, I twisted my ankle and have been hobbling around. On top of that, the house is a mess and we're supposed to have two couples over for dinner tonight." "Now dear, just stay calm. Sit down, relax, close your eyes, and I'll be over in 1/2 hour. I'll do the shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll take care of the baby when I get there and call a repairman I know who'll get the washing machine fixed. In fact, I'll call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George? Who's George?" "Why, that's your *husband*, dear." "Mom, I don't have a husband." "Is this 234-5678?" "Uh, no, it's not. I think you have a wrong number." The housewife paused, then got rather hysterical: "But, but, but, you're still going to come over and help me, aren't you?" ___________________________________________________ Church Bulletin board bleeper: I was hungry and you gave me something to eat; I was thirty and you gave me something to drink. ___________________________________________________ In a test of emergency systems some boy scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units. One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay "wounded" for several hours. When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note: "Have bled to death and gone to McDonalds for a refill." __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, November 12 in 1799 Andrew Ellicott Douglass witnesses the Leonids meteor shower from a ship off the Florida Keys. 1859 The first flying trapeze act was performed by Jules Leotard at Cirque Napoleon in Paris, France. He was also the designer of the garment that is named after him. 1892 William "Pudge" Heffelfinger became the first professional football player when he was paid a $500 bonus for helping the Allegheny Athletic Association beat the Pittsburgh Athletic Club. 1918 Austria and Czechoslovakia were declared independent republics. 1927 Joseph Stalin became the undisputed ruler of the Soviet Union. Leon Trotsky was expelled from the Communist Party leading to Stalin coming to power. 1942 During World War II, naval battle of Guadalcanal began between Japanese and American forces. The Americans won a major victory. 1944 During World War II, the German battleship "Tirpitz" was sunk off the coast of Norway. It took three years and multiple operations, but in 1944 30 RAF Lancaster bombers armed with 10,000 lb Tallboy earthquake bombs finally sunk the Tirpitz. 1946 The first drive-up banking facility opened at the Exchange National Bank in Chicago, IL. 1948 The war crimes tribunal sentenced Japanese Premier Hideki Tojo and six other World War II Japanese leaders to death. 1954 Ellis Island, the immigration station in New York Harbor, closed after processing more than 20 million immigrants since 1892. 1964 Paula Murphy set the female land speed record 226.37 MPH. 1979 U.S. President Carter ordered a halt to all oil imports from Iran in response to 63 Americans being taken hostage at the U.S. embassy in Tehran, Iran on November 4. 1980 The U.S. space probe Voyager I came within 77,000 miles of Saturn while transmitting data back to Earth. 1982 Yuri V. Andropov was elected to succeed the late Leonid I. Brezhnev as general secretary of the Soviet Communist Party's Central Committee. 1984 Space shuttle astronauts Dale Gardner and Joe Allen snared the Palapa B-2 satellite in history's first space salvage. 1985 In Norfolk, VA, Arthur James Walker was sentenced to life in prison for his role in a spy ring run by his brother, John A. Walker Jr. 1987 The American Medical Association issued a policy statement that said it was unethical for a doctor to refuse to treat someone solely because that person had AIDS or was HIV- positive. 1990 Japanese Emperor Akihito formally assumed the Chrysanthemum Throne. 1995 The space shuttle Atlantis blasted off on a mission to dock with the Russian space station Mir. 1997 Four Americans and their Pakistani driver were shot to death in Karachi, Pakistan. The Americans were oil company employees. 1997 The UN Security Council imposed new sanctions on Iraq for constraints being placed on UN arms inspectors. 1997 Ramzi Yousef was found guilty of masterminding the 1993 bombing of the World Trade Center. 1998 Daimler-Benz completed a merger with Chrysler to form Daimler-Chrysler AG. 2001 American Airlines flight 587 crashed just minutes after take off from Kennedy Airport in New York. The Airbus A300 crashed into the Rockaway Beach section of Queens. All 260 people aboard were killed. 2002 Stan Lee filed a lawsuit against Marvel Entertainment Inc. that claimed the company had cheated him out of millions of dollars in movie profits related to the 2002 movie "Spider- Man." Lee was the creator of Spider-Man, the Incredible Hulk and Daredevil. 2013 A series of portraits of Lucian Freud by the British painter Francis Bacon known as Three Studies of Lucian Freud sold for $142.4 million at an auction in New York City. 2013 In New York, it was announced that the new World Trade Center was the tallest building in the United States. The height was measured at 1,776 feet. The building was also the fourth tallest building in the world at the time. 2013 U.S. Airways and AMR reached an antitrust settlement with the U.S. Department of Justice which would allow a merger that would create the world's largest airline. 2014 NATO commander Gen Philip Breedlove reported that Russian military equipment and Russian combat troops had been seen entering Ukraine in columns over several days. 2014 The European Space Agency's Rosetta spacecraft used its lander Philae to perform the first soft landing on a comet. The comet was 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko. 2019 Do smiled. |
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